How do i get over him....again??

Question

My bf of 6 years left me and our son last week for the 2nd time.
We had only been back together for 5 months,he says he still loves me but only because i`m the mother of his child,he says this the last time to but then told me he fell back in love with me again which he now says is lies.

I do still love him as he was my first serious bf,i was only just turned 18 when i met him,i then fell pregnant 2 years later.He was never much of a father or partner since he started working in a call centre and met different people who like him like staying out drinking and taking drugs,they have no ties and are all single,i think he just wants that sort of life for himself now.

I know he has treated me like crap and doesn`t love me..which hurts as i thought he was teling the truth when he came back.I just don`t know how i`m going to get on with my life if he still wants to see our son.I haven`t let him yet but not to be nasty to him,for my son as he didn`t handle it well and has learning diff

My son has learning difficulties and cant speak althiugh he`s 4 and a half years old,anyway like i said i`m not trying to hurt my ex but i can`t let my son go through that,but how do i get thim out my life?

I`ve tried telling him by email and he just keeps going on.I think it`s just so he can look like the good guy here,alright i left my son but now my ex wont let me see him.Am i doing the right thing?Please help.

Answer 1

I would like you to read your letter over very carefully--then pick out the descriptive words you wrote about him. Then list all the activities he is involved in that are not adding to his fatherly duty--drinking and drugs etc. What would cause you to be concerned about him being back in your life. In and out like a revolving door??? I will bet a million he is having sex too...but what difference would it make. You must have a misguided definition of love and what would be involved in loving this man. Now you need to visualize him as a bug and you know you can crush him at any time. Like he crushed you. Do not use your son as a pawn or a prize----seek a lawyer that can draw up a paper that outlines visitation procedures--since he offers no assistance or support, he will not be allowed much in the way of a visit....and without a lawyer, the child is a part of a twisted game he can play.
You need to grow up and walk tall--your child is the most important thing in your life for the next 18 years--you have to spend your time thinking about support and rent and all kinds of stuff---forget this guy--it is wasted brain usage. Got it??? As the child gets older., calmly explain why the family unit is different than most others--just be proud of how well you are doing--and tell your child you love him more and more everyday. Any future thoughts of this guy will border on drama and pity and depression---get past him and move on. Hopefully you will meet a nice sensitive man to share your life with---a real man. You owe nothing to your ex and he has no right to claim anything about you---a lawyer will tell you that. I say move and start over ---get away from any reminders of this past life. How could you even think of breathing the air that this guy had shared in your house. If you allow a third time move in, you will not get my advice again----you will join the ranks of those dysfunctional people on daytime television. Good luck and my best to your baby---be good to each other

Answer 2

I have recently came out of a very damaging relationship so i guess i can relate to how you are feeling, i loved my ex so much and when we split up it knocked me for six! the sleepless nights, mood swings, pining, crying, guilt for the kids, panic attacks but if i can give you one piece of advice it is this:- You will get over it because you HAVE NO CHOICE, sounds harsh but thats what will happen. Don't expect yourself to 'feel' a certain way or wonder how long it will take to get over it just ride with it and know you will come out the other end one way or another. When you feel sad, cry when you feel angry let yourself be angry but take deep breaths untill you calm down, keep busy. Also know that 'the world is not against you' you are just coping through a sensitive time. Assign yourself to half an hour each evening where you lie down, close your eyes and just think, let thoughts and feelings go through your mind whilst doing some breathing excersies as this is the best way to get over your emotions. Take care and take it easy. It will only make you stronger in life

Answer 3

Sounds like you deserve better then him. That doesn't help the pain though. I think you need to stop enabling him to be so selfish. Tell him that as long as he continues the way he is you want nothing to do with him (hard as that will be for you if you do it you have to stick to your resolve!)

At the same time he needs to take some sort of responsibility for his actions, after all he is a father, and needs to be realize he can't live the same life as if he were single and free.

Sorry, I don't think I'm being helpful yet...I have no idea how you are going to get this across to him. All I can say is maybe if he realizes that you really mean that he can't be in your life or his son's life until he straightens up it'll wake him up. If not....you are better off without him.

Someday he'll realize what he's missing

Answer 4

Well to be honest son or no son you never got over him the first time. If you had you would not of taken him back~ First serious love first love...whatever...You need to let him go and let him go for good. There may be a connection due to the child but that is all it is on his part, he wants a life not to be tied down~ Good luck~

Answer 5

The best think to do is to try to keep your mind off of him. I know it will be hard to seeing as though your child is a constant reminder. Try to stay busy and hang out with your friends when possible. I know it is easier said then done, but you shouldn't have taken him back ...if it doesn't work out the first time, then chances are it wasn't meant to be. You are better off without him and atleast your son is still young , so he wasn't too influenced by him. I wish you the best and I'm sry to hear you were brutally rebuffed. Take care.

Answer 6

Dear Nati,
I am more touched about your son than the hopeless father. Let a pediatrician evaluate your son to rule out autism. It's not a rare condition among children of around your son's age. The pediatrician will refer you and your son accordingly in case of that. About the hopeless father, just work on sole custord and make sure you have the child support in order. Meanwhile progress yourself careerwise and educationwise and look for someone who will fit you better. Forget the idiot. And never let him back in your life again like that.

Answer 7

Well, it takes time. Alot of time. Get out and do things to occupy your mind. Stay around people alot and as corny as you think it may sound, go to church. Some churches have support groups for everything under the sun. Don't expect to get over him fast. I been divorced for a couple months, but separated for over a year and I am just now getting to where I can see him and it doesnt bother me.

Answer 8

i imagine that is the pressure of being in a diverse position, and your canines is making an attempt to inform you it truly is scared. Animals experience anxiuos and fewer than pressure too, in simple terms take your canines on the leash and walk around the backyard and enable it recognize you're observing out for it. at times canines want to carry close what therir position is interior the "wolf-p.c.." and with a clean living house- it may't be confident anymore. Plus if you're slightly frightened it may p.c.. up on your emotions.

Answer 9

Firstly you are quite right to put your son first, and you are not being selfish by preventing your son by being hurt from his father taking off the next time he feels like it. But, i do agree that a father should have the right to see his/her child regardless of the parents differences-as at the end of the day it is also my childs right to see both of his/her parents-unless of course they are an immediate danger to that child, which he is not?

You will have to be mature about this situation and organise a pick up for when your ex can see your soon-it doesnt have to be as painful as you make it out to be-after a while you will get used to it and it will seem like routine to you.

There is the danger that if you doonot let your son see his father (and vice versa) that you may actually be doing more harm that good-your ex could take you through the courts, and you would all just get hurt in process (including your son).

You are both adults, therefore, you need to come out with a schedule (a realistic one) in which you can both see your son-perhaps the father could see him every weekend, or once or twice during the week-i.e pick him up from school/playgroup etc straight after your son has finished-so the two of you dont have personal contact with one another.

But what you cant do is shut yourself away and not let your son see his father because of all of the hurt and lies you have experienced with your ex. You have to put it behind you and move on.

It sounds to me like he has alot of growing up to do, and also that if i was to be honest, that he wasnt ready for fatherhood. But then again on a positive side of things, at least he actively wants to see the child-no matter what intentions you may think he has.

Whatever happens though you need stability in your life-and to do this you need to move on, be strong and be on your own for a little while until you know for sure that you are over him and are ready for a new start to a relationship.

You deserve much better after all!

If he really loved you then he wouldnt have hurt you or lied to you repeatedly-that is one of the worst things that you can do in a relationship is to lie that you love someone, and he should be ashamed for doing so.

Let him go out with his friends, drink and take drugs, its his life after all. Just make sure that he isnt a bad influence of encourages your son to follow in his footsteps in later life.

The best way to get over someone is to have minimim contact with them-and be formalw ith them if you have children. Dont let him get under your skin again and dont make yourself vulnerable.

Be strong! I hope this helps :)

Helen x
www.myspace.com/helenlouise20

Answer 10

Let him go and move on as hard as it is. I know, been there done that. He is not worth what he is putting you through and there will be someone out there who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. You will feel better in time, it does take time, keep yourself busy until you start to feel better. Music helps me a ton. good luck