Saga continues with verbally abusive ex and just curious about advice from strangers who may know better?

Question

Engaged for a year. Bought a house etc. Lived together for 7 months and relationship turned verbally abusive. Couldnt take the fighting, demanded he go to counseling which he didnt do at the time so I moved out 6 months ago. Said I would consider a relationship with him if he went for couseling or anger management. Over the last 6months he changed jobs and was caught upin his own life and started counseling and anger management this past week.

Over the last 6months I have gotten much stronger with counseling myself and support from friends who want better for me.

Now I dont know what to do. He is doing what I asked and frustrated that I amnot sure where to go from here. Part of me is afraid to try again because I DONT want a crap relationship and a small part of me thinks that maybe my friends know better then me.

I could try again and just take my time and see if he really changes but I know that my family and friends would be very afraid for me. What would you do?

Answer 1

I would put him on a trial basis,but don,t let him know what you are doing..Give yourself so long and try him out during this time to see what he does...It depends a lot on how much you love this man ....I think if you were already married to him ,I would give it a try but your not married to him so you have choices....I don,t think a verbally abusive person really changes,I think they do try but I would have a very hard time trusting them...You do know that a verbal abuse leads to emotional abuse then physical abuse don,t you??? It would take me a very long time before I even considered going back with him...If you put him off and he gets pushy (beware) I would have to love this man with all my heart and really really want this man in order to try again....

Answer 2

Counselling should be something you do for yourself .So perhaps the next step is to go together,this would help you both to jointly evaluate your position ,this does require open honesty from both of you if you are to survive together,or try talking together and tell each other your hopes and dreams ,goals,aims,wishes etc.Do you like the same things?Do you love each other?This will take time to sort out ,try to set a plan each (and one together) see if they match ,write each other a letter,the main point is you are both going through the healing process ,get rid of negative thoughts, try to be positive and build up your self confidence, this will give you a feeling of independence and freedom to choose your pathway in life whether it is apart or together, Good luck and bless you both,Lindsay.

Answer 3

I think you can do better. Fact is, once the relationship turns abusive, you should not go back, not matter how his life may have changed. You don't owe him anything.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

If you want to work on it you will have to do it together.
Good Luck