We've only been married a little over a year and she doesn't seem to want it very often. I always have to initiate it. She says she's tired a lot. She does work hard so I try to understand. She also says that she enjoys it very much when we do have sex, so I just don't get it. I often feel bad for bringing it up because I feel like maybe I'm pressuring her. I'm 30 and she is 27 and it just seems like our sex drives are at opposite ends of the spectrum. What to do??
2007-01-14 07:26:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't listen to any of the "women" who answer, "damn dude give her a break". I mean if it's sex you want.. She can spread her legs and and do nothing but lay there. My wife has told me many times, " if you want me, take me. If I get in the mood fine, if not, it's ok." Now that's the kind of wife you want, and normally, they are not western women. Normally they are from countries, where women are taught respect for their men.
My first wife was just like what you explain, except she didn't do a damn thing all day but watch TV. Sounds like yours works. At least you have that going for you if you end up in divorce court, (where you should be going for your own good)
Women Born in the US, are lazy slobs who want it all and will ***-rape you at the drop of a hat, in divorce court. They don't care about anything but money. Your situation is probably the same. Don't stay in this marriage. Unless you want to be like those in the link I set up below.
http://www.nomarriage.com
The aforementioned is my opinion, and I realize it doesn't apply to all Western women, just most of them.
2007-01-14 07:48:10 · answer #1 · answered by thinkaboutmoney 6 · 2⤊ 7⤋
So we're talking 3 or 4 times a month? And after only 1 year of marriage? Things are not heading in the right direction. No normal, healthy 30 year old guy would be happy with that. Unless you can get this problem solved, I don't give this marriage more than a couple more years and it will be over. I think 3 or 4 times a week would be an absolute minimum for only 1 year into the marriage and at your ages.
You need to strengthen the marriage if it can be done. Go to a marriage counselor. If the relationship were good, you would not have this situation. Something is wrong. Find out what it is and be ready to be flexible and give and take and listen and talk.
If she's that tired, maybe she's got the wrong job? Maybe there is a physical problem with her? Something is wrong and it's up to you to figure out what it is and what to do about it.
men are problem solvers by nature. Start working on this. You'll find a solution to it. But if you ignore it, you'll be down to 3 or 4 times a year before long intead of the dismal 3 or 4 times a month you've got going now.
Under this arrangement, you are susceptible to the wiles of attention starved women out there who would love to steal you away from your wife. This is a recipe for disaster but you're a problem solver, you can probably fix it or at least get to the bottom of it.
Good luck.
2007-01-14 08:17:21 · answer #2 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Join the club! : )
I think, in general, men have a stronger sex drive than women. I think you need to tell her what you need from a sex life, listen to what she needs from you (which will probably not be related to sex) and work toward fulfilling each other's needs. Let her know that sex is an important part of married life and that it has to be a priority. (Not #1, but it's up there.)
You should also understand when she's tired she's not going to be in the mood. What can you do to make her less tired? Does she work then come home and do all the cooking, cleaning, etc? If so, that's part of the reason she's tired. Do what you can to ease the tiredness and you might be pleased with the reaction.
You will probably never have it quite as much as you want it, but you don't have to have an entire life of sexual frustration.
2007-01-14 08:32:25 · answer #3 · answered by MathGuy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she used to want to be with you more often, did she suddenly change routines or did this happen gradually? Women sometimes will be more enthusiastic at the beginning of a relationship, and then gradually lose steam. This does necessarily not mean that she does not love you or that she has lost interest. Have you asked her--without pouting or being angry or sounding judgemental??? I suggest letting her know how you feel and telling her that it concerns you. Let her know that a healthy sex life that is pleasing for BOTH of you is important to you. Ask her if there is something new or special that she would like to try, and then be open to her response. MOST importantly--no blaming, no whining, no pressure or you may start an argument. Bring it up OUTSIDE of the bedroom at a time when you are NOT frustrated with her--sexually or otherwise.
2007-01-14 08:37:28 · answer #4 · answered by Sabrina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women often feel overwhelmed by how much they have to do, and considering she works, she may very well just be tired. Try helping her with the housework. For women, that can actually be foreplay. And do things for her without expecting anything in return, like a footrub, or making her dinner.
Also, women sex drives decrease on certain forms of birth control, or when they have a hormonal inbalance, such as thyroid trouble. Doesn't hurt to check it out.
2007-01-14 08:37:08 · answer #5 · answered by Miami Lilly 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First things first, have you told her exactly how you feel? and you need to know that with women foreplay is important, so your gonna usually be the one to initiate it, although, it is unusual for that to always be the case. second, having sex about once every week isn't that bad, i mean that's like 4 times a month. why are you complaining? however you should talk to her about how you feel and let her know that you aren't trying to pressure her. get her to take a day off and just take a bath or something together, do someting romantic, ANYTHING ROMANTIC will proabably help your odds. good luck
2007-01-14 08:33:52 · answer #6 · answered by funkfighter45 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your wife is tired yeah~ She loves having sex but is too tired to start things off...so just start touching her and get her in the mood then you will not hav ea problem~
2007-01-14 09:51:54 · answer #7 · answered by Danielle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe she hasn't hit her sexual peek and being tired from work could also play a roll. ease up on the requests and she'll come around if the sex is really great, try spicing it up.
2007-01-14 08:07:18 · answer #8 · answered by singledad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LMAO women have always been right since the dawn of time thnx 4 posting lol
2016-05-24 01:05:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make an issue out of it. If you have the right attitude toward your relationship and towards her the sex will come.
2007-01-14 07:36:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋