My partner has told me our wedding is off and he is leaving me because I cant give up the ciggies?

Question

I know I need to stop and was working myself up to it because it is a vile habit but now im smoking more because im so upset. Im not a heavy smoker and never do it in the house or around him but I feel as though he is trying to dictate to me. He is an X smoker so he should know how hard it is but now im digging my heals in.

Answer 1

if it depends on wether you smoke or not cigs. then perhaps hes not really the one for you

Answer 2

Try to understand - he probably doesn't want to love one who may leave him early.

You can do it. He knows you can because he's done it. Maybe calling off the wedding is rather out there but maybe he figures if he gets drastic, so will you.

Quit today. And if necessary, quit again tomorrow. The more you quit, the more likely you are to succeed.

There is so much help out there. Your doctor, the American Cancer Society, even the tobacco companies are getting into the act. You don't have to do this alone.

It's not about dictating to you. Did you by any chance make a promise? One you didn't keep? I'm sorry, sister, but I just gotta be with him on this one and guess what - I smoke.

Answer 3

For one thing your partner is being totally unfair to you in this matter. He should be telling you the truth instead of making up excuses. I would say that there is another reason why he wants to call-off the wedding and he is using the cigarettes as an excuse. Were you smoking when the two of you first got together? Because if you were he had accepted the fact that you smoked then, so I don't see why he won't accept it now.There has to be another reason because I really don't see why he would use that stupid excuse to call-off your wedding unless he needed away out of it and that was the best excuse that he could come up with. I would talk with him and find out if there is another reason why he doesn't want to marry you.
Good Luck
&
God Bless

Answer 4

Bottom-line, if he truly loves you for you then he should be able to accept all that comes with you. If he wants you to quit that badly he should be there for you instead of forcing ultimatums. I smoke too and my husband is an ex-smoker as well. But not once has he placed any requirements on me for us to be together. Because of his understanding, I make efforts on my own to not be all up under him with it and one day maybe I will quit....WHEN I AM READY. Most importantly, he understands that and doesn't make a big deal about it. 9 times out of ten if he's calling off the wedding and leaving, it has nothing to do with the cigarettes if that is something he knew you did all along. You don't need that **** girl.

Answer 5

Your A SMOKER. That said admit it but if you don't want to quite now and know your not committed. To quiting ,you can't quite a bad habit for someone else you have to do it for yourself. The fact your guy knows what it's like he should take it easy on you. He shouldn't call off the wedding he knew that you smoked before this. I think he is being a hypocrite.

Answer 6

By continuing to smoke, you are not really helping him and he may want need a better support system around him to keep him off cigarettes.
To leave you because of this may be a little rash but necessary for him to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
If you loved him, you'd respect his wishes about you smoking but more importantly... quit smoking for yourself. Do you not admire his ability to quit? Model yourself after that!
Talk to him and make sure there isn't any underlying reasons he is leaving you. But don't quit for him... quit for you and no one else. Be strong and know that smoking will not solve anything. It's completely a psychological need to smoke.

Answer 7

Perhaps now is not the right time for you. You are using the ciggies to fill the void--you will know when it is the right time. When that time comes, you will have the will power to quit; if you are really concerned, try the patch and set aside a certain number of cigs to smoke each day, and decrease that number each week. This way, your body is slowly being weaned off the nicotine. Good luck!

Answer 8

well as a smoker myself on the path to giving up my incentive is surprising my fiance with a all expenses paid trip to america,
ask him for his help ( my fiance also an exsmoker).
Digging your heels in isnt giong to help you stop or your relationship. " iknow i need to stop and was working my way up to it"
Nobody likes to be dictated to, try writing how you feel and ask for his support to stop if you cant talk honestly and openly.
Is is really worth the hurt and pain not to stop?
Bearing in mind that, he knew you smoked when when you got engaged I presume, maybe its his way of finding an easy way out and making you feel guilty?
People dont normally leave just cause their partner wont stop smoking.
Give quitting a go and you soon find out if it was an easy option or that he truly is there to support whislt you give up.

Hope things work out

Answer 9

Okay go get something that has nicotine in it. I smoked for 30 years and ended up with lung cancer.They had to take the lower lung off to save my life. I have been cancer free now for 5 yrs.I haven't smoked for 5 years.He wants u alive so he is going to the extreme. Go get the gum with nicotine in it...By the time u get the dam thing open your craveing is over. You can do it..I know cuz if I can u certainly can...GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

Since smoking is an addiction, and sometimes needs medical attention, I think he has other reasons. If he truely wanted you to quit smoking, then he would support you and stay with you, PERIOD.....

talk to him about his reasons and let him know that you were working up to trying to quit. I to smoke, and I was quit for almost 4yrs, it is a HARD habbit to break......
one place I went to was www.quitnet.com it has a free part where you can go and talk on forums with other people trying to quit as well, remember the first week is termed "h e l l week" for a reason..........stay strong.

about this guy, if that is truely why he dumped you, he's pretty shallow and I say your better off without him.

Answer 11

Sounds like he is using that as a reason, but there may be other issues that he isn't telling you about. Of course, there may be a reason you haven't given them up too. Ask yourself if there are deeper problems in this relationship that you two don't talk about. Maybe you are better off ending it now, rather than facing a divorce later.