i'm at a loss here....i've been married for 2 and a half years. my wife thinks that if i want to go somwhere by myself (even to the dumpster) i'm trying to avoid her and don't want to spend time with her. when i tell her i just want to go by myself, she says "fine. i'll just never go anywhere with you anymore" i'm tired of arguing all the time about stupid crap like this. there is never a happy medium. according to her, either i want to spend time with her, or i don't want to be around her. i feel smothered and if i tell her that-even in the nicest way possible- she'll blow out of proportion like she always does with everything else. i love her more than anything, but i can't talk to her about it because of the mountain/molehill episodes. what should i do?
please don't suggest counseling, as i don't want to pay someone to do something that i feel we can get through ourselves
2007-01-14 07:10:02 · 11 answers · asked by squatch 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Does she ever take time to herself? If not, she may truly not understand why you need time alone. Does she have ANY reason to suspect that you are cheating? Sometimes women are afraid that time away from her equates time WITH someone else. If she does take "me time" for herself, then maybe you could TACTFULLY point that out to her, and let her know that everyone enjoys a little "me time". Does she have a hobby or a group of friends that she likes to hang out with? Maybe you guys could pick one evening a week to go your seperate ways and do your own thing. After a while of "letting go", she may relax a little bit. I hope so--if not, I fear that yo are going to just start to resent her and that is the beginning of the end. I feel for you--sometimes I just HAVE to get away, even if it is only just to drive around for a while. Time alone is a precious commodity. Good luck.
2007-01-14 08:59:14 · answer #1 · answered by Sabrina 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked her why she feels this way?It is a security problem I think, it takes couples roughly 2 years or a little longer to adjust to marriage ,maybe she is finding the responsibilities to much.Talk to her ask her questions,it is one of the best ways to handle this,its works both ways so you both need to communicate your thoughts,are you having fun and going out?do you still see your friends?Perhaps she would like to start a family ,how would you feel about that , or go back to school, try to encourage her to take up new interests,do you miss being single and being with your friends.?Its time for honest open thoughts!Lindsay P.S.Don't let boredom set in.Good luck.You could try buying a self -counselling book.!Read it together !
2007-01-14 15:49:14 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsay Jane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her. She is acting immature and you deserve some time to be alone. Be careful though that you dont spend all your time alone and drive a wedge in between you guys.
There has also got to be a reason she is acting this way. Have you broken her trust in the past, has someone else and she is having a hard time letting go?
Bottom line is that youve got to communicate and sometimes just not "sugar coating" things is the best way to go about it.
2007-01-14 15:17:18 · answer #3 · answered by Miranda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is clinging to you because she is afraid of abandonment. Yes you are married, and yes you made the commitment, but her own insecurity is causing this. What needs to be dealt with is her insecurity, and it is up to her to face it. You can't make her. I know because I have security issues myself from years of being abandoned by those I love. I am trying to face those and work on them but it is hard, and she might not be willing to look at herself in the mirror. And it isn't fair to you for her to be on you like Velcro. All you can do is state how you feel and let her throw her fit, but she needs to realize how serious this is, and if she can't, then maybe, as hard as it sounds, you need to move on.
2007-01-14 15:18:32 · answer #4 · answered by icequeen406 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
doesn't she have any girl friends she can do things with?
It sounds like her whole world is revolving around you and the marriage. Encourage her to spend more time doing things she enjoys, or going out with her girlfriends.
A healthy marriage allows for each person to be individuals not just a couple.
2007-01-14 15:19:13 · answer #5 · answered by katalah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry counseling is your best bet. You may think you can solve this yourself, but if you could you wouldn't be on here asking for advice. As you said, you are at your wits end.
Get some help. Actually maybe for her specifically. She sounds like she has abandonment issues and self-worth issues.
2007-01-14 15:17:56 · answer #6 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs to grow up.if you can't go anywhere alone something is so very wrong with that picture.if you think things are going to get better,are you in for a treat.things like that don't happen over night,you need to leave her before she goes nuts and cut your throat.sorry if this sound rude,but it don't sound good from what your saying.
why go thru hell 24/7 if you don't have 2.life is to short for so many UPS and Downs.
2007-01-14 15:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by hl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want counseling but what you're doing 'by yourselves' isn't working, friend.
Please allow me to suggest a program that isn't counseling but a kind of do-it-yourself marriage makeover. Swear by it. Worked for a friend. Money back guarantee type thing.
Best of luck.
2007-01-14 15:19:37 · answer #8 · answered by Ande 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she has issues with herself. What about medication to level out her mood swings
2007-01-14 15:14:11 · answer #9 · answered by workit 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
expalin too her that she needs too calm down a bit. and then try too calmly explain to her that she is smothering you. give her some examples.
2007-01-14 15:16:28 · answer #10 · answered by Dara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋