Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more and include these phrases?

Question

1. NORMAN BATES could do a better job of running this hotel!!
2. Could you please hold the lunatics convention somewhere else,please? I’m trying to work,here.
3. Roger that, good buddy!
4. Is Ace short for... Ace-a-rooney?
5. Why do his kids look at him like he's Zeus and my kids look at me like I'm a rack of lawn tools at Sears?
6. IN YOUR DREAMS!!

Answer 1

Work in the redecoration business was always slow in winter so the boss was willing to take on any type of job, anywhere as long as the money was right. That was the reason we were now in this prediciment. In the middle of nowhere on the moors somewhere between a rock and a hard place. At least, we thought, wrongly as it was to turn out, that there would be noone there to hinder our work. It was going to be a quick-in, get it done, get the cash and get out. Or so we thought...........

The first thing we noticed when we arrived on the Monday morning early, were the number of cars in the car park. There must have been at least fifty of them. Now when I say cars, that is an overstatement. They were of all shapes and sizes, of all ages and all makes. I think they are known as 'vintage' models.

In any case, Joe the 'boss', Peter the 'mucker-upper' and myself, the 'Ace paper hanger' entered the foyer to be met by 'Euriah Heep' himself. He was a patethic, 'ever so 'umble' type character, straight out of Charles Dickens. He had a dirty faded lapel label which merely said 'Manager'.

From a quick look around at what greeted us, I can safely say that Norman Bates could do a better job of running this hotel!!. I said a little prayer to myself that we would never have to meet his blinking mother. He led us to the so-called banqueting hall which we were supposed to redecorate to some of the weirdest specifications I had ever seen. 'So what' Joe had said back at the office 'the money is right and we should have no problem. No problem at all'.

Now back at the office that was probably how it seemed, but right now, we were in trouble. There were about seventy people in there at the moment all milling around. Men, women and children all dressed in 'vintage' clothing. Inside the door was a sign which said 'Winter Vintage Car Rally'. There was no way we were going to get started whilst they were all messing about.

Joe was the first to speak to the manager. 'Could you hold the lunatics convention somewhere else, please? I'm trying to work here'. I honestly think that poor Joe was beginning to lose his self-control.

Over to my right, I noticed what appeared to be a Victorian family, all dressed up to the nines. Mum, Dad and their three kids. They looked a sight. Joe stood staring at them for a good five minutes and in that time, the three children never took their glowing eyes off their father. 'Hey Mick' he called me over 'Yes Joe, what's up'. 'Get Pete to start bringing in the tools and ladders. You stay here and we'll try to get this lot out. Will you look at that little group over in the corner' he nodded to the Victorian family. 'Why do his kids look at him like he's Zeus' I commented 'and my kids look at me like I'm a rack of lawn tools at Sears?'. Joe just laughted.

A tall thin man, dressed in old fashioned leather driving gear, including goggles and soft cap, approached and asked Joe. 'Are you the people from Ace Decorators?' he spoke in a Cambridge, Oxford accent. 'Yeah' answered Joe not really interested now. 'Is Ace short for...Ace-a-rooney?' the thin man laughed with a snorting action. I honestly thought that Joe was going to hit him, so I walked away to speak to Peter.

'Peter' I said 'as quickly as you can, get all the gear in here and make sure you bump some of this crowd with the ladders, Joe is beginning to lose it'. 'Roger that, good buddy' Peter replied. I thought 'He's been watching those blinking DVD's again with all the American accents'.

Needless to say, we were set up and ready to get started in less than an hour but we took a few minutes off to watch the 'Grand Prix Start' of the cars as they made their way out of the carpark. It was Peter who commented 'If the majority of them manage to do twenty miles without breaking down, I'll eat my shorts'.

We managed to get most of the hall painted and decorated within record time, that is six hours and were just preparing to leave for the day when out of the dull light of a side corridor came 'Euriah Heep', rubbing his hands together. 'To-days payment, gentlemen, as arranged' he muttered as he handed Joe the two hundred and fifty pounds for the days work. 'But just one little favour before you go' he added. 'And what might that be' Joe asked.

'I would be much obliged if you could come with me and give me an estimate to redecorate mother's room' he asked. As Peter had removed the ladders and most of the tools back to the van, Joe nodded to me to pick up our bags and head for the door.

'In your dreams!!! mate' Joe called as we literally ran out the door 'IN YOUR DREAMS' he shouted again as Peter started up the van and we sped away, with no intention whatsoever of ever returning ................................

Answer 2

Mike: God, I can't believe the place burned down. NORMAN BATES could do a better job of running this hotel!!
Jake: Well, I guess we need to find somewhere else to stay. Let's try the Hilton. We can use their conference room to get connected back to the office.
(2 hours later @ the Hilton). Mike: Jesus, what is going on here people? Our first hotel burned to the ground. Could you please hold the lunatics convention somewhere else, please? I'm trying to work, here.
Jake: Honestly, Mike, who would have thought the Lunatics of America Unite conference would be here at the - wait - (listening to bluetooth) roger that, good buddy! Sorry Mike, that was Ace on the other line.
Mike: Ace, oh that Ace. What an a**hole. Is Ace short for...Ace-a-rooney? I'm surprised he's not here at the lunatic's convention. Jake: Well, I mean, he's good for business. The kids all love him. But honestly, why do his kids look at him like he's Zeus and my kids look at me like Im a rack of lawn tools at Sears? I am in much better shape than him and...
Mike: IN YOUR DREAMS!!

Answer 3

When Roger that, good old buddy, tried to ask Is Ace short for...Ace-a-Rooney?, from the back room he heard IN YOUR DREAMS!! In the mean while Norman Bates, turned around screaming...Why do his kids look at him like he's Zeus and my kids look at me like I;m a rack of lawn tools at Sears? Ace looked up from his desk as he said...Could you please hold the lunatics convention somewhere else, please? I'm trying to work, here. NORMAN BATES could do a better job running this hotel!!, everyone in the lobby said.

Answer 4

I open a new motel out on route 66,and was holding an open house,it was late June and the sun was falling fast,over the ridge.There was a slight musky oder in the air.Guest were pouring in that evening and taking advantage of all the orduerves i had out and the mixed drinks were flowing.There was a small click of people in the back of the lobby smilling and laughing.Currious of what was being said,i eased my way over,makeing sure they didn't notice i was easdropping on their conversation.They were saying that my motel look a lot like the one in an old horror movie!I overheard one say"Norman Bates could do a better job running his hotel" and began laughing loudly!!!! The comment kinda mad me mad because i have worked very hard on makeing this motel a very nice establishment and am very proud of myself of doing such a great job. They continued to make fun of me and my place of buisness so i loudly commented"COULD YOU PLEASE HOLD THE LUNATICS CONVENTION SOMEWHERE ELSE,PLEASE? I'M TRYING TO WORK HERE" Which i probably shouldn't have done,because people started leaving and my open house was a total bust!

Answer 5

Col. Mustard ,would desire to you be any further deranged That Polish maid is making eyes at you ,returned interior the library. by how,the only way you would be able to desire to be greater ineffective appropriate now's in case you actual have been the wall. properly Are we having exciting yet?

Answer 6

are you trying to make me do your homework?