My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We have two children ages 8 and 11. He has always been faithful, caring and reliable. Right before Christmas he confessed to having an affair. He had been having the affair for 3 months. I was able to talk him into staying and he seemed to be trying. The guilt was eating him and he said he felt bad. Last week he left to go stay with his lover. He said it wasnt fair for him to stay when he was thinking of her. He said once he is gone that he could change his mind and come home. He has said he misses us but that is what he deserves. The kids and I are very devastated. We just want him to come home. I know he cant be happy there with her. My friends have told me to just give him space and let him figure out that it cant work for them. I have told him I dont want a divorce and I have told him this will always be his home. I just dont understand after all this time how he could do this to us.
2007-01-14 06:42:13 · 9 answers · asked by martielove1234 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
u know what u want, and if u just play it cool, be nice to him, and don't confront, he may get sick of her, if she gives him any ultimatums he isn't ready for. we will never understand why, think these women who go after husbands, boost their ego's, make them feel special, and any new relationship is going to be much more exciting than what he has at home, according to him. just keep the door open if this is truly what u want. depends on how his relationship goes with her, right now its all wonderful, and new, but things could change for them. good luck. patience that's what u need to show, not always easy.
2007-01-14 09:40:56 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am dealing with the same thing. However, I divorced my husband. He did the same as yours - changed his mind and then went back to the other woman. You will never understand why he did why he did. He may say many things to justify it but there is no justifying his behaviour. I found this website that helped me. It is breakfreefromtheaffair.com. There is an e-book that you can download that explains why people have affairs. It also provides information on how to repair your marriage if that is what you want to do. I hope things work out for you. Good Luck and stay strong.
2007-01-14 06:52:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about the real reason u want him back, u really need to move on, I truly believe once a cheater always a cheater. U don't need him to bring some std home to u either. U deserve some one that treats u better than that, and trust me I know the fear on taking on the world with kids in hand on your own and that is the hardest. Put your mind to it, but Strong and have your life back. Move on and u will find a better person for u.
2007-01-14 06:52:03 · answer #3 · answered by c_schreel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to have his cake and eat it too. ( although I have never totally understood that expression) He is trying to play the remorseful husband to you, while sleeping with her. I'm sorry you are going through this pain, but you deserve better. Even if he were to come back, what would stop him from doing this again? How would you and your children handle that? You telling him that you don't want a divorce and that he is still welcome home, is giving him your permission to continue living with her. Tell him you are done, that he has made his choice and you and your children aren't going to play second best.
2007-01-14 06:52:13 · answer #4 · answered by voidtillnow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that but, show him that you are a strong woman...you might as well face it, he is not coming back until the other woman has enough of him and kicked him to the curve... dont give in stand your ground and go on... no one can explain why a man leaves his wife for a slut.. she is a slut because, she should know better than that and so is he. dont be the doormat for him walking in and out of your life, trust me i have been there and will not do it again.
2007-01-14 06:47:43 · answer #5 · answered by shelly v 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The kids might be devastated now, but they will come to accept that he's gone. Just because this is the first time he cheated (that you know of) doesn't mean he won't cheat again if he does come back. Maybe your better off without him!
2007-01-14 07:09:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. It will be hard but you need to do whats right for you and the kids. Dont let him treat you this way.If he truely loved you and those kids the way he should he would never do that to you. You deserve better. Be strong and do something nice for yourself and the kids.
2007-01-14 06:52:13 · answer #7 · answered by Effie M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lady, are you crazy? never wait on a man.. i'm a man and i'm telling you that. i know there are kids involved but come on. how are you just gonna down play yourself like that? why are you accepting it? its like your saying its ok. woman if its her he wants, let him have her. you continue to do you and try keeping your kids happy and let them know you had nothing to do with his decision. just that you and him are slowly growing apart. i don't know but shouldn't just wait at home and hope that he'll come back.
2007-01-14 06:55:01 · answer #8 · answered by Blake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could tell you but it would be obscene on here.
2007-01-14 06:51:40 · answer #9 · answered by brp_13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋