Do you get tired of your mate?

Question

I'm a guy. I've been with my gf for almost two years now. I've been in about 3 other serious relationships that all ended around two years. It is always about two years that I get tired of the relationship. I thought this time I would be different, but the same old me is starting to show. When we make love I don't really want to. I lie there feeling disgusted and forced. I do it because I don't want her to feel bad. Lately, when we talk I tend to zone out, and everything I do hear seems trivial and stupid. In previous relationships I never had a problem "moving on" but this time it is different because she proposed to me last year and I said "yes". I partially felt like saying yes because I thought it would keep me involved this time around, and that when two years came I would push through it-now that is not the case. Have you had this problem? What do you do to come to terms with it? I hope to hear from people in long-term relationships. Am I just not built for long-term?

Answer 1

My husband and I dated 5 years before marriage, and will have our 22 year anniversary this April.

Secret is to keep open, honest communication and have shared interests. It is NOT all about sex (like society & media tends to make us believe), but in a good relationship the sex will be good. Find hobbies, activities, sports, etc., that you can both share and enjoy together, as well as individual time/activities you can do apart.

Do NOT get married if you are having the thoughts/ feelings you are currently having. There are pre-marriage counselors available too.

Answer 2

It's obvious that you're not happy in the relationship. It's not your fault, it's not hers, it's just that it isn't meant to be. Some relationships come into our lives to help us learn and grow, and when we learn what we need to, than it's time to move on. I am now in my third serious relationship. The first ended after 3 years, and the second ended after 5. You won't be able to come to terms with it, you just need to accept that the relationship isn't going anywhere. Get out before you are in further (married) as divorce is a lot harder to get out of. You may not be built for long term right now, but that doesn't mean that five years down the road you won't be ready. Give yourself a break, and find what will truly satisfy you in your life, before entering into another relationship long term.

Answer 3

I have been married for 6 years and yes, me and my husband get tired of each other at times and there are times one or the other doesn't want to have sex, its no big deal you just say no. you do know in a adult relationship you can say no. If you truly love her I would sit down and talk about real relationships, before I met my husband I judged all men by my 1st husband who beat me and drinked, did drugs and you could not talk to him about anything. It took raising my girls and then dating to see that all men were not like him. My relationship now is not perfect but we can talk like old friends about anything and you know by what you said the new sex wears off and you must be able to have good conversation. I ask my husband just now what it is and he said trust and a nice woman you want to talk too and kissed me on my forehead. It's not all about sex that where young people go wrong, sure theres hot men and women that turn both mine and my husbands head but we love each other and are way to old (47,58) to want to act like 20-30yr olds. You will know when its right, if you are ready to leave then leave if you can't live without her stay.

Answer 4

I get the impression that you aren't finding compatible women. It is common for the excitement to dwindle over time, but love shouldn't. Doesn't sound like this woman is the right one for you and you should probably end it sooner than later.

You will most likely find someone you can tolerate for more than 2 years. But just in case, you should take out a 2 year contract with each new woman!

Answer 5

Any guy who says he doesn't get tired of his mate is lying or is dilusional. We all get tired of our jobs, our mates, our cars, our homes, even our kids. We get tired of things. No apologies there. That is a matter of how you *feel* and feelings are just feelings. It's what you do about what you feel that determines what kind of man you are.

I take it you get tired of your g/f's because they don't excite you anymore. You sound passive, waiting for them to do something to excite you again. It takes work to keep a relationship good. I've got you beat more than ten times over. Been with the same woman a hell of a long, long time and she excites the hell out of me!

I can't find a nice way to tell you this but it sounds to me like you are not emotially mature enough for a long term relationship. Any guy who gets bored with sex... there's something wrong there.

You say you "zone out" when you talk. How is that possible? A "talk" between a couple implies listening and talking (participation). How can you participate and zone out at the same time? I don't get that. You've got a woman who wants to talk with you, wants to have sex with you, and for some reason, likes you. That's a nice thing. If you're not ready for that then maybe you need to avoid these types of relationships?

I assure you it is quite possible to have something really special with a lady and have it stay special for many, many years. It's possible to absolutely love waking up next to them and listening to their stories and their concerns and their thoughts and love it. It is possible to have sex with the same woman for many, many years and never get tired of it. It's all possible but it requires work on your part to make it happen. It won't just happen on its own.

And maybe you're just grabbing the first woman who will agree to sleep with you? Or go out with you? I don't know, you didn't say. But maybe you're picking the wrong women to get involved with? In any case, this is your issue and has nothing to do with your g/f. Getting along with her sounds like it's as easy as falling off a log. She's making all the investment and doing all the work or so it would seem.

You either need to stay single or do some personal work to figure out why you either attract the wrong woman or you aren't mature enough to make a long term investment in a woman.

You must be frustrated but your g/f must be more frustrated yet.

Hope you work this out and that you come to know the kind of relationship I have described. It's possible but you have to be ready for it and you have to be willing to work for it. This every 2 year crap is probably fine while you're young but it ain't gonna cut it later in life.

Good luck.

Answer 6

The relationship changes over time and that may be what you are reacting to....don't really know what your issues are so it's hard to say what might be happening....if the sex has gotten boring then try some new things...otherwise...sit down and talk about your relationship and your feelings...be honest and see what happens...good luck

Answer 7

I think the question is why are you so desperately trying to have a long term relationship when it is obvious that you are not ready?

It is not normal to hate having sex with someone you say you love or zoning out when they talk.

tell her right away so she can move on and find someone else.

Answer 8

You might not be cut out for long-term, but at the same time, it might be the women you are dating. If this does not work, try dating against type, or take some time off from you current girl and see if you really want to be with her or if you miss herand take it from there? What does she want?

Answer 9

Everyone gets tired of the same old thing. You just have to put the spark back into your relationship so that you wont stray or she wont stray away from your love.

Answer 10

This is something you need to work on.
Things will never stay new and fun with someone unless you work hard to keep it that way.