What is the best way to talk to my children (5,3,1) about our divorce?

Question

My husband and I seperated in November, and there is no chance for reconcilliation. I want the experience to be as good as possible for our children, but am unsure as to what information should be shared with them, or how much....
Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

Answer 1

Well, 5, 3, & 1 .... not a lot you can say at those ages. Keep it really simple. There are some good books on the subject. Go to a bookstore and browse the aisle that has these types of books.

What you say as they get older is important. Make sure *never* to say anything bad about your ex in front of the kids. That is very damaging.

No saying anything to your children would be very unhealthy. If you're on good terms with the ex (or soon to be ex) then sit down with him first and talk about what you're going to say. Then all of you sit down and you and your ex deliver the message to the kids. The kids need to know what will change and how it will affect them. The 3 and 1 year old aren't going to get it. The 5 yr old might have some idea. So don't give too much info.

Stay on friendly terms with the ex for the sake of the kids. If you love your kids, you two will do this for them. I don't care how much you might hate each other -- put it aside for the kids. They don't need to see you fight or be mean to each other. Show your children that people can have their differences and still be civil and respectful.

Try to do birthdays and important holidays together if you can swing it.

When you look at those books I talked about, there will be different schools of thought. You'll really just need to look them over and choose the one that most appeals to you. Perhaps you and your ex could go to the bookstore together for this purpose and pick something you both like. Maybe each of you picks two or three books and then meet up and see if you picked any of the same books. Go with that from there. Read the books and then settle on a plan. Do this for your kids even though it may seem really hard.

Wow, 3 kids... You've got a lot of work ahead of you. Do your best by those kids.

Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 2

If the 5 yr old should ask why daddy is not home anymore tell him that you and daddy for some reason have decided to be just friends. AS he gets old enough to understand the word divorce then you can explain it a little more. You need to lat him know that just because daddy and you no longer live in the same house this does not change how much you and hiss daddy love him. the other ones are a bit too young to even try to explain. Remember to NEVER SAY ANYTHING BAD TOWARDS HIS DADDY no matter what you may think. This is the worst thing anyone can possibly do to a kid of any age is tell them one of the parents is NO GOOD. (even if it is true) Have a talk with the dad and make some sort of agreement that the two of you will never discuss the wrongdoings of eachother in front of the kids.

Answer 3

I'm assuming when you and your husband seperated that you explained Daddy will be living in a new house. I would honestly leave it at that. I wouldn't mention that ya'll have decided to get divorced. The only reason you should mention it is if your kids believe daddy is coming back... then you need to explain to them that you and daddy love each other very much but can no longer live together. And emphasize that you both love them all the same way and they didn't do anything to cause this.

Answer 4

You can do your best to explain that you both still love them as much as ever but that you are going to live in different places and are not going to be married anymore, but only the 5 year old will get anything out of it. The 3 year old and the 1 year old just need to be reassured that you love them. It's really important for your husband to drop by for an hour every day. Let your little ones have a picture of him. They will need lots of attention. Good Luck

Answer 5

I was a child of divorce. So I know a little about this subject. Just tell the children that mom and dad. Have to live apart now but we will still love you the same. It isn't your fault and you'll see we'll work harder to get along. We still will due a lot of the same things with you.

Answer 6

Keep things as normal as possible around the house. When the kids ask, that is when I would answer. Keep it simple, age appropriate, and always reinforce your words with " We Love You very much and you will always be there for them. Your husband should see them as much as possible. No fighting between you. No negetive words about each other in front of the kids. As they get older more questions will come, and you will be better prepared to answer as time passes.

Answer 7

My children, didn't really understand at first, it's difficult to explain to them when they are young. The best advice I could give is to assure them that you love them, but mom and dad are no living together anymore. There are a lot of books centered around helping a child understand. Reading to them is a GREAT help.

Answer 8

Well, I have a 5 yr old brother and him and are going through the exact same thing. What you need to say is that "Daddy and I still love each other VERY much but sometimes, Mommys and Daddys dont get along very well so they aren't married anymore...." You get the idea.

Answer 9

Talk to them on a level they can each understand...just tell them that both you and their father love them as much as ever, but you two decided it would be best not to live together anymore...as they get older, you can share (as you desire) more specific information but don't ever try to turn them agains the other parent...

Good luck!

Answer 10

it really is amazingly puzzling. Does your husband have any relationship in any respect with both of the youngsters? both, way, your motherly instincts to go away him should be fantastic. I in simple terms want to characteristic one aspect. there's a great way and a nasty thanks to get divorced. the coolest way ought to concentration fullyyt on your little ones, by no skill putting them interior the middle, and being truly open and truthful with them about whats happening. in reality, you are able to all proper want to ask your little ones how they experience about the possibility of divorce. the reason that it truly is so important now to not do divorce "the incorrect way" is via the existence replacing outcomes a nasty divorce may have on little ones. i replaced into 12 at the same time as my moms and dads were given divorced, my brother replaced into 8. At a time at the same time as i necessary stability, boudaries, and good previous formed parenting, my moms and dads thoroughly neglected me as they struggled to make new lives and new relationships for themselves. the right result replaced into that I sought affection via drugs and sex (with older adult adult males). My brother grew to develop into bodily sick anytime we went to visit the different discern, yet emotionally he replaced into repressed. it really is the common reaction for a lady of 11 or 12 and a boy of 8 or 9. My brother remains handling the repressed discomfort of that think about his existence and has also struggled with drug dependancy. So, please, search for help. protect your self and your little ones. You sound like a good mom. do not ever ignore how important you're and how a lot you recommend on your little ones. they are going to thanks quicker or later, I promise. I strongly recommend chatting with a counselor about those themes so that you isn't on my own in making this selection and finally in progression a clean existence on your little ones.