Plz help i can't stop crying i just wanna die rite now???

Question

i was sooo much happoier still a little miserable (but tht i think was from just having no friends which i was always miserable for) but now i feel so much much happier!!! when my mom moved out away from my dad. even then though he still was and is trying to control us but didn't really get the chance to since he wasn't living w/ us. and yes my mom would let him she's so weak. but still i was happoer being away from tht asshole(even though we saw hi, evberyday at my grandma's) but she's feeling so lonely and depressed liek her usual self she says we're going back! (i can't help crying as i write this). i was so happy and now it's all just crushed down. even if he wud change it's not the same (even if he wasn't mean he'd still control like now and i still feel more free in this house no home) if u want info on my dad look at all my old quests. and i'm not an adult so i can't move out. i wish my mom foudn sum1else wut do i do? oh and how do i make tht 2nd additonal detil box *** up to wrin our old house everytime i used to hear the garage i would feel sad and scared becuz he was cumin, everytime he comes in i feel like that and i even fee; abnormal for the way i feel (especialy how i feel when i cry like now) i feel like i'me happy but not it's being crushed and like i said even if he did change i still wudn't wanna go bak. especially since my mom wud nevet leave then. i know tht sounds stupid but u don't understand. and i'm all alone! cuz he's mr. nice guy ro my ext. fam so they'll be happy and they know he is or was! u know be4 my mom married him she never dated him or knew him personally! she just saw him at places w/ fam. and liked him 4 his looks! (she doesn't know i know tht my grandma told me) (and he cheated on her b4!) i wana kill myself and i wud if i wasn't afraid of death or burning in hell) yea he had a bad childhood incase ur wonderin. wut shud i do?
if my mom were to do this i could never forgive her why do ppl have to be married? why do women feel so alone w/o someone? she says she's afraid of being alone and sick especially when she's old and i will take care of her i said i would but no she has to go back to him how could my mom do this to me? just thinking about our old house (bot even him) makes me feel 'ughh' even when i lived htere and he wasn't there it seemed bad. especially on the weekends it just felt like such a sick feeling i felt like that when i woke up. but i don't feel like tht here. i know this all probably soudns abnormal but my dad was an *** to me my whole life. even my aunt who visited us says i'm much more confident this time(which isn't true) and happier(thts true 4sure). if she goes back it's like idk there'll be no life 4 me. sad at home and no friends to make me feel better or understand. at least i'm a lot happuer at homw now. i don't get picked on this yr but still ui'm a loser w/ only one friend andi don't even know if she likes me sometimes. well skools totoally out of the situation. sry this is really long. i wish my mom was never stupid enough to marry my dad in the 1st place. why would you marry sum2 u know nothing about! and y wud let it happen if u know how my dad is (my uncle on my dad's side proposed it). i cud go to my grandma's house and she said i cud live with her. she sympathisez w/ me eeven though she relly likes my dad blindly like every1 else knwoing how he's treated me especially when i was a little kid. u know wut when i heard sotries like when all ym older cuz's (even the one on my mom's side!) were little they would be afraid of him and would become quiet and scared and **** when anything concerning him wud happen. my cuz used to (idk if she still does) hates him and she's not tht little she's a teen! she's the onyl one who saw him 4 wut he really was. see wut i mean even if he did change i'd be miserable.
my mom sayts if he becumes mean again she'll leave him. i can believe tht cuz she did this time but she said 4ever and i don't belive tht. cuzz at the beginnign when we moved out she said she had NO intentions of going back and she felt lonely then too i bet u. (i know her). sumtimes i wish i cud go bak in time and make sure my mom wudn't do this. even if she didn't get married and me & my bro wudn't exist. (God i feel so abnormall for the way i feel inside mayb cuz i've been told tht so much 4om my mom for ahting my dad and other famiyl ppl) if she were to go back i swear i'd never e happy agian as long as i'm there and i'd probably never ever talk again either to any1 or hardly to show my mom wut she's done to me (well i'd be sad naturllay anyways no need to fake it) and i'd never fprgive her for it. i'd rather forgive my dad. i won't hate her but i'll be mad at her 4ever. i just wish i could die right now and go to heaven..i don't ever wanna live w/ him again wut should i doif you don't wanna read everything at least read the first part

Answer 1

You poor thing......please talk to your school counseler..as soon as possible, you really need to talk to an objective adult who will listen to you. Best of luck!!

Answer 2

Well, since you're a kid there is no magic answer. You should probably find someone to talk to. Maybe in your church... I was in your situation once. My mother divorced my dad, but continued to remarry, and none of her husbands ever really liked me, and mistreated me. One was an alcoholic, and life was hell. Her last husband was/is a control freak, never liked me, or anyone else that got close to her. I was always on the back burner to everything... The good news is, you're not going to be a kid forever, and someday you'll have your own place in this life. That's when life begins to turn around, and is really great! Just keep telling yourself that "this is the cards I've been dealt, and that it's not always going to be this way." Don't let your mother's mistakes make you bitter. I know this from experience. Life is way too short. I wish you the very best. God speed to you.

Answer 3

Talk to a school councellor, or a teacher, or a minister... anyone who would be able to help you out. Call Children Services and ask to be removed from your home. It is not a safe place for you to be, and you deserve so much better than the living conditions your mother is providing for you. You can also call the Kids Help Phone. Please dont' harm yourself in any way. And remember the sunshine is always shining above the clouds, even when you can't see its' light or feel it's warmth, it is there. Don't give up on yourself. You have a whole future in front of you. Things will always work out in the end. In the meantime, keep smiling.. and get help.

Answer 4

listen .......u seriously need to do something about this. the worst thing that can happen to anyone is having to live through life feeling uncomfortable. You need to take your mom aside and talk to her about the way you feel. Tell her she needs to have faith in God(if she is religious), if shes not then tell her that she cant predict the future to say that shes going to be lonely for the rest of her life. If life with him wasnt easy before then theres no reason why it will be any easier now. Tell her also how you feel about it and that it would hurt you terribly to live with him again.
also tell her that she needs to also think about you and whats in your own interest. apparently your mom doesnt think a lot before she acts....she married a guy because of his looks!!!! tell her she definetly needs to slow down and THINK THINK THINK
and if in the end things do work out just hold on till your old enough to move out and live on your own, but watch out because youl definetly need to save some money and make some useful relations. Try to pay attention to your studies a little and if you feel like your friend doesnt like you maybe you should talk with her about it too, but thats a minor ptoblem, wait till youve solved the major one.
Good Luck

Answer 5

i'm so sorry sweetie that you have to deal with this.....definately go talk to a school counselor...it will be good to get this off your chest.....tell your mom how you feel....tell her that you don't want her to get hurt and let her know that you feel this way.....you're mom should be stronger for you....and for herself...and not allow herself to be treated like this......and she should be there for you....this man isn't going to change...and if he does - she shouldn't allow him back until everyone sees a change.....you included......you have a full life ahead of you.....keep thinking about that.....don't ruin your life by ending it just because your mom can't see what she is doing to you.....stay strong....you're headed in the right direction from just writing about it....talking about it helps.....if you don't want to tell your mom how you are feeling....tell a counselor.....and they can talk to your mom....get you all together......
take care sweetie....it will get better......

Answer 6

Calm down, you have a world to live for ...........if your dad does something stupid to you call social services , their really strict. He going to be locked up ! AS for your mother man can brainwash a woman when she at her weakest , so make your mother stronger , that means be positive no matter what empower her I know it's a parent job , but in this case you have to do it , and if you don't thing cannot get better . First Empower YOurself , and your mother will feed of the positivity in you and will begin to think more clearly , and no one what 's to be with anyone heartless , so rent romantic movies , the ones where man have a heart , so your mom will see what she can have !

I will give you prayers to get you started !
Oh how much good
I've lost
in losing control
of my anger;
such a large portion of life,
so much growth
I've let slip from my hands
by allowing my burning thoughts
to get better of me.
God,
teach me to let go.

God of wonders,
You've given me
the most wonderful
of all gifts--
the gift of free will.
May my will never deviate
from Your holy Will.
Guide me always,
so that all the choices I make
are good ones---
choices that are
in harmony with Your Will,
as long as I live.

God of unfathomable goodness,
the history of human agony
haunts my soul;
ashes, blood, and cries
pierce my heart;
diabolic schemes of oppressors
plague my mind.
Grand me an extra measure of
strength,
understanding
and faith
to help me find You--
to discover Your Light
midst the blinding dread,
through the revolving horror.

God, perfect God--
You created me
destined for perfection;
how far have I wandered
from that destiny!
How much of my purity
have I squandered
through careless, thoughtless,
self-centered behavior--
behavior wanting in morality
and holiness.

Overcoming Doubt

My vision is distorted,
loving God of truth.
I want to see clearly,
but my heart leads me
through twisted, convoluted paths
of misunderstood impressions.
Straighten those paths
so that I can strengthen myself
in the conviction of my beliefs.


Troubles

Kind, Loving, Mighty God:
Stretch out Your hand
to strengthen me.
Lift me up
from my abyss;
right my wrongs;
turn my every failure
into success.
Look upon my troubles
and say,
"Enough!"


Oh, God
Your Creation resonates
with holy sounds
Let me hear them all.
Let them penetrate my heart
and rouse my senses;
the jangle of a charity box;
the voice of an faithful teacher;
even the intonation
of my own sign
when I cry out to You--
all these sounds are holy.
Oh, God
let my heart hear them all
and be uplifted.

Ruler of the World,
grant me truth!
Spare me from the lies of others,
Help me stop myself
from lying
to others
Save me
from lying to myself,
and spare me
from the lies
of my own illusions.
Oh, God
never let me live a lie,
even for only a moment.

Center of all existence
help me find the way
to that sacred sanctuary
within myself,
to that precious center of my existence.
Help me discover
my place in the World--
that space where I truly belong,
that space which belongs
unconditionaly to me
Dear God,
I've wandered for so very long,
Help me find my way
home.

Harmful Words

O God,
help me avoid
every abuse of speech.
Let no untrue word, escape my lips.
I pray that I never
speak badly of others,
or speak empty words of flattery.
Help me stay away from profanity.
Teach me, dear God,
when to keep silent
and when to speak;
and when I speak O God,
save me from using
Your wonderful gift of speech
to humiliate or hurt
anyone.


Sensitive Speech

God of understanding,
guide me,
for my own words sometimes
baffle me.
When I relate to those around me
insensitively;
when I hurt,
embarass
or insult them;
when I speak with a callousness
that causes pain;
when I lose myself
in my own ego----
God, pull me back to reality.
Help others understand
that I too am in pain,
and let them be forgiving.



In Thanks

God, ever my only Support,
You've taught me to pray----
to sigh,
to cry,
to awaken true, meaningful words
from deep within:
words that strengthen;
words that easy my pain
and heal my wounds;
words that dispel darkness.
Thank You, God,
for opening my lips
and for teaching me
to seek You
through prayer.

It's going to be ok!

Answer 7

Life is once...wanna enjoy...
take up a family,a lover or a friend...pray..do good..and be happy..