A secret thrill
i don't care whether it's a phase
or it will last for the rest of my days
all i know you drive me crazeee
you ignited my dying ashes
reminding me of teenage crushes
and warmed a heart seldom warm
i seek you secretly all the day
wishing you will pass by my way
and when i see your trace..
i put a lovely smile to meet your face
the other day you touched me and
i know you did it unintentionally
wanna know what happened to me?
i felt dizzy and lost my base
a secret thrill passed all over me
and i noticed you can kill me and
return me to life in magic ways!
2007-01-14 05:06:40 · 2 answers · asked by going-to-light 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
OK, this is my honest opinion, and mind you, it is only an opinion. There are lines that are very good and lines that make it obvious that you are still young. You have raw talent and you have the heart. Your rhythm needs a little work. I think with time, perspective and a creative writing class or two you will be very good.
That said, do not EVER let someone else's criticism stop you from writing. The real question is 'do you like it and does it help you deal with the crazy world around you.?'
2007-01-14 05:17:01 · answer #1 · answered by comet girl...DUCK! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got skills it was written creatively and the topic was very clear as well. Keep writing and please share more.
2007-01-14 15:56:05 · answer #2 · answered by BluLizard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋