I lost my husband of 24 years 18 months ago to suicide. I was just dumped by a boy friend of only a few months. I'm 46 and I've had it. Maybe I'm just too old for this.
The young ones are only interested in sex, it seems, and the ones my own age seem so lazy at times.
I now miss my husband more than ever. I know you don't know me and I'm really kind of shy and don't often get out much but maybe a few words of encouragement would help. Got any?
2007-01-14 04:50:45 · 16 answers · asked by Ande 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When it seems that you can't find you way stop looking to others to provide the way for you. of course you miss your husband and why wouldn't you? I think you have returned too soon to the world of men and dating. Not in time bu tin terms of how soon is too soon for YOU.
Instead do as the guy above suggests. Get involved in someone other than yourself. Volunteer you time outside your own selfish interests. Forget dating for awhile. Do pamper yourself a bit but put most of your focus on helping others with their problems and I promise that yours will seem smaller in comparison.
When you're ready I can almost promise that things will change almost so as not to be noticed by you. Opportunities will appear in time.
So get out of your shell and over yourself. You can't change what happened. get counseling if you need it but move on.
2007-01-14 08:08:08 · answer #1 · answered by outdone 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can understand all these lost n changes would be very difficult for you. N if your husband committed suicide, it mean you had a lot to deal with even before his death.
Perhaps it's time that you invest a bit of time in yourself n your need for healing?
Take care of yourself, not just physically, but mentally n emotionally as well. Try new things - do a class of something that you always wanted to learn, but never had the chance. Go to church to socialize - even if you're not religious. Visit the library. Or do some volunteer work - you'll meet some very kind hearted new friends: )
Once you give yourself time to heal n grow from the inside - understand yourself n your needs - you will attract more like minded people into your life.
Have faith. You will be alright: )
2007-01-14 13:13:37 · answer #2 · answered by CHERRYBLOSSOM 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss. You need to just sit back and relax. Go with it. You could focus more on making you happy then trying to be in a relationship. Unless your co dependent. Your husband after 18 years will always be a part of you, even though he can't physically be there. You are way to young to be throwing in the towel, you have a lot of time to grow and find another wonderful person whom which to share your life with.
2007-01-14 13:11:44 · answer #3 · answered by "the Otter" 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that you are used to having someone around and that causes you to feel lonley and you have confused that with needing to date. What you need to do for your self is heal. When you get lonly or board do things like go with several friends to bingo, I'm 46 and love bingo. or go to Lunch, dinner, the movies,etc. This is going to be very hard for you but their are also groups that are for people who have lost a loved one and everyone their is going through what you are and it may feel good for you to get it all out at these meetings, and you will listen to how other people that are going through the same thing are dealing with this loss. I wish you the best for your loss is much harder than dealing with a divorce. Keep your head up and know that God has a much better plan for you , so open the door, do the footwork and it shall come to you. I will flag your question so that if you need to talk you may ask and i will see it, my heart goes out to you.
2007-01-14 13:10:11 · answer #4 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are not alone. When you feel this way remind yourself that you are not. Light a candle and say a prayer. You do not need someone else right now. You need yourself. It is time to really get to know you and to be there for yourself. I know that may sound so unfulfilling. I get it and so much more like settling. It is not though it is the opposite. Write to yourself, get to know you. Take care of you for you and not for a guy. You know when we shower and we do our hair we are thinking "mm maybe he will like this or that,ect.." So now do it b/c itis what you like. Start with this and I can promise you that your pain and lonilness will fade. Read books, write and love you. It is what you really need. I am sorry for your loss and it is tramatic enough in itself. Give yourself time. It is going to be okay. You are loved and you are treasured. This is why you are now alone b/c u are so special.
2007-01-14 12:58:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your still in mourning for your husband and until you get that thought about his love out of your system , you will never be satisfied with someone else. But, 45 isn't old to just give up on finding love with someone new. You need to keep trying or you will never get over your husband and it being suicide makes grieve even more. You'll find someone else that probably will never quite live up to your expectation of your husband, but just keep trying. I wouldn't go with younger men because after your length of marriage, you need to find someone more your age or your husbands and don't expect to find a replacement for your husband because it shows in your question that your were deeply in love with your husband and will even though you don't mean to , compare who ever they are to him.
Best of Luck To You.
2007-01-14 13:09:32 · answer #6 · answered by Nicki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
visit him at the cemetary and talk to him if you know what I mean. Try not looking for a couple of months then go to a suicide support group. Youll find a man when you least expect it. Im so sorry for your loss and good luck in life
2007-01-14 12:58:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may not come off as "encouragement", but it meant to be.
You need to quit being so selfish. It's easy to be that way when you are depressed. People naturally tend to look inward when they are depressed and it creates a downward spiral. It's important that you build up your self-worth, by serving and helping others. Become important to someone else,
2007-01-14 13:15:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend dumped you because you are just too much woman for him! He wanted a weak little doormat, and he didn't get one with you. You are a strong, independent woman. You love life, and you love yourself. Take an enrichment class at your local college or join a gym. When you look good, you feel good. You can do it! You go girl!!
2007-01-14 12:57:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so, so sorry you have gone through this. There are really good men out there and sometimes it's frustrating to have to go through the bad ones to get to him, but I promise you, when you meet him, it'll be so worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, we've all have to go through a bunch of bad ones to get t the good one. Until then, do whatever it takes to make yourself happy.
2007-01-14 13:00:16 · answer #10 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋