Stay together or get out?

Question

I am 25 and my husband is 28. We have been married almost 7 years. I am at a point in my life where I am done with being a "kid". We have a son who is 3. I am very responsible and grounded and ready to settle down. All I want to do is pay my bills, go to school, work, and take care of our son. Well it seems as though he hasn't "grown" up yet. He never pays his/our bills and its VERY aggravating. After he screws everything up (money), I fix it or try to fix it and then he does it again. All he cares about is sex. And he thinks sex fixes everything. I am currently living at my parents house because we cannot afford to heat our house. It doesn't even bother him. It seems as if he doesn't care. He just gets in his truck (truck driver) and leaves and he acts like everything is "OK". Should I try to work this out or cut my losses? I am currently supporting my son and I without help from him. I do love him but I don't want to be like this the rest of my life.

Answer 1

My guess is you have observed this type of behavior for the length of your relationship. You have to ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life? More importantly, is this the role model you want for your son?

I already know the answer is resoundly NO! to both questions. If you can't get through to your husband with everything you have already done then you have reached the point of a difficult choice and decision.

I think you already know the answer to your question, I think you want to hear others say it too.

Answer 2

Hun i would get out now b/c to me he sounds like a typical guy that can't take care of himself...and if he can't do that how is he going to take care you and your child. I am 22 years old and have a 4 year old and wouldn't trade that for the world. I haven't gone out for a year now b/c all i want to do is stay inside and be an adult and take care of things at home. If he's not doing that now, when will he start? Chances are good things aren't going to change. Sounds like you deserve much better. Glad to hear your parents are willing to help you out while going through all this. You need a man that is supportive and has a job decent enough to pay bills b/c that is not your job.

Answer 3

I'm guessing this marriage is pretty much toast. Can't be saved. What part of you "loves" this guy? Seems like you have a good head on your shoulders, so what made you pick him to father your child? You went for the "bad boy", right? And why are you rewarding his misbehavior with sex? This is just throwing gasoline on the fire. (This kind of sex is what I call "prison sex"...no love involved...just a ritual to maintain the dominant/subordinant relationship..your role is that of the "bottom") Cut your losses. Dump him completely.
Finish your education and start a business. And find a good man. There's plenty out there.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that. It seems like he's not married to you. I just got out of a relationship with a guy that I was crazy about but he wouldn't give me a commitment or grow up. He wouldn't protect me from other men that did what they did. It took for me and him to be playing and his 18 yr old son to spray me in the face with lysol and him not to do anything but say why did you do that then give his son the car as a "reward" for me to say that's it. Your going to have to decide how bad it has to get before you realize it's a bad situation. If you want to stay with him put him against the wall. Yeah!.. start going to church(foundation)and stay grown like you say you are and when he sees that you are moving on with YOU something is going to change. Either he's going to be with you or against you becoming a more grounded person. It's about what you want. Let me tell you....HAVE A PLAN before you do anything drastic.

Answer 5

I can empathize with you!

Some man grow up and mature alot slower than most of us. My hubby has some childlike tendencies. What might work for you is to be patient, I know it seems like it is hard. With you saying you are ready to settle down, it seems like for the past seven years you weren't comfortable. With that in mind, just be true to yourself!! Men, typically don't wear their feelings on their sleeves, becauseits not manly. Men, however learn by seeing and doing. So lead by example. Develop a stronger relationship with God, and learn to pray over him and your household. While you are staying with your parents, that only will weaken him. I really sincerely hope there's a glimmer of hope, in your marriage. Recall what was the reason you got married.

Look into counseling as well.

Check out avirtuouswoman.org (this site helped me soooooooo much!!)

if you need more advice feel free to email me at [e-mail]!!

Best of Luck & God Bless!!

Answer 6

I too "was" married to a truck driver. My ex was/is also immature and it was left up to me to pay (or try to pay) bills; and raise 3 kids by myself.

We were married 15 years and it didn't get any easier! (He met a woman truck driver and....need I say more?) You will have to make up your mind on whether to stay or not. Sit down and write out the pro's and con's of staying married to him. He may or may not grow up! (Probably won't!)

I also loved my ex but I was doing it all myself! I understand how hard it is, but you will have to decide this on your own...don't let your parents or anyone else influence your decision.

Good luck.

Answer 7

"All he cares about is sex"
"I am very responsible, and take care of everything" (slightly paraphrased)
Sounds like a case of different "love languages'
Your primary love language is "Acts of Service"
His is "Physical Touch"
Buy and read - and MAKE HIM READ "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I think you will find some amazing answers in there - and if he reads it, his eyes will be opened aas well (if he has 1/2 a brain, and wants to keep the marriage).
Good luck!

Answer 8

The day that I had to take OUR child to my parents and stay would be the last day that i ever steped foot in the place that you had to leave. He is no kind of man to let it go that far.I would cut your losses. You sound like a smart girl who has made good choices for your son the next one is giving him a better life that the one you took him out of. You are right he is not grown up and won't be for several years to come.

Answer 9

It sounds cold but I have to say get out. your young and with a child ,get your life together. I would think once you are comfortable and in the right direction. It could be very possible for him to have decided that your son and you are what he wants and he will realize that his family comes first. It has been said that if this love is meant to be it will be.(mom).

Answer 10

Have u tried married/financial therapy? I would try to work something out... Give him his options... U take care of all the household money, and pay the bills... If he tells u it's his money, then make ur decision... Good luck!