Okay, I want a divorce.. Problem is , he does not know this yet. I have been saving money, I have my name on a waiting list for an apartment. That way, I am ready to move out when the time is right. Do I hit him with the divorce first or the separation first?
This entire situation makes me very nervous. I dont know how he will take this news. Has anyone been in this situation before?
2007-01-14 04:15:49 · 15 answers · asked by lucky_one_happy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just go for the divorce.....you sound like your head is in the right place....if you have plans to move and you are on a waiting list for an apartment....just go for the gusto and get your divorce...he doesn't deserve you and you will find someone that will treat you like you should be treated.....
me personally - i have been treated like a door mat...and kept staying in the relationship....it's hard to move on....and you'll cry alot...but in the long run....what's the worse of two evils...staying in a relationship that you are getting mistreated or being alone for a while...and feeling so wonderful and secure.....
don't look back....be thankful that you can get out while you can...
take care of you and if you have kids - take care of them...be safe...
2007-01-14 04:21:42 · answer #1 · answered by regis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have not been in this situation before, but I would say that seperation is for couples that think they can reconcile down the line or who don't believe in divorce. If you want a divorce - you are ready for this to be over and nothing can change your mind - then just go with divorce.
He will take the news differently, depending upon how you deliver it. If you tell him what a prick he is and you can't stand the sight of him or tell him that you find you just can't deal with married life (that he is a fine husband, you just don't like this lifestyle) he will react differently I imagine.
It's often best to talk about it as you start to think about it, so there is time for a compromise to be made, so there is a chance to save the relationship. I mean, marriage is a life long committment, and while it doesn't always work out, it seems we owe each other the respect to say "This isn't what I want" while there is still time to make changes, before we have lost our love for our spouse - you know what I mean.
I know in my case there were a few times early on in my marriage where I had to tell my husband that "This is not what I signed up for" or "this is not the way I want to live my life" to convey the point to him that we were reaching a critical point if we could not make changes. We were able to make changes - and even address health issues that made the normal stresses of marriage and child rearing much harder to bear than they should be.
Peace!
2007-01-14 12:25:24 · answer #2 · answered by carole 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best possible way to handle this issue. Tell him what you're intentions are and stick to your plan. He may or may not handle the situation correctly but if you're honest, then there is nothing to feel badly about. If you want a divorce, what's the point of the separation? Get it over with and move on. Now, the legal aspects are best served by an attorney, a good attorney. Also, some of the money that you've been "putting" away maybe part his...who knows? Probably an attorney!
2007-01-14 12:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by Know what you mean 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to find out what the divorce laws are in your State and you should take some of that money and have a consultation with a family law attorney. Why do you want to sneak out. The authorities may view what you are doing as abandonment. It could be that you do not have any assets--home, retirement account, furniture, cars, savings and checking accounts--to potentially loose. If there are children involved, up and leaving is not a good thing. Get some legal advice.
2007-01-14 12:23:57 · answer #4 · answered by Darby 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL I had hopes of serving him with the divorce papers the day I planned to walk out his door forever.. however... I couldn't get the money up for it at the time so I quietly and behind his back made plans with my mom and sister to move down to my sisters till i could get on my feet ... it took me 18 mths but I finaly filed for divorce and heck knows why but he said it was a shock to him just like my leaving was.. lol maybe he should have listened to me all those yrs when I told him I wanted a divorce..
I'd have to say your plan is a good one.. be prepared to have a place to go and take care of yourself before you leave and yes if you can afford it file for the divorce and give it to him when you leave.. :)
2007-01-14 12:40:08 · answer #5 · answered by Mouseling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are sure that the marriage is over and that you can't work it out tell him you want a divorce. If you think you guys can work it out then tell him you want a separation. There is no point in telling him you want a separation if you have no intention of ever coming back.
2007-01-14 12:22:51 · answer #6 · answered by Holly27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing...none of it's going to be easy regardless of how you do it. If you tell him that you want a separation first you are going to lead him to believe that there is a chance of you changing your mind...and that could even happen. Where if you just flat out tell him that you want a divorce it's going to hurt more but it might not leave as much room for interpretation.
2007-01-14 12:22:38 · answer #7 · answered by sweet_girl_allure 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have taken care of everything and decided on whats what. I would just go ahead and move first and then once you get your self in your own place then worry about the next step. One day at a time. But if he ask be honest with him what your next step is going to be. This will be a lot to face at one time.So I guess the answer is the separation first.
2007-01-14 12:22:36 · answer #8 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure your marriage is beyond repair before you consider the ultimate.....divorce. Sometimes if you see a marriage councilor, things can improve if both parties are willing. Yes, I've told my husband I wanted a divorce many times too, but in reality, I guess I say it out of hurt. I try to keep the marriage for the sake of my kids and overall, I need my husband's financial support just as he needs me taking care of him and the kids. Think it through first, then if that is what you really want, I think you need to consult a lawyer who will direct you from there.
2007-01-14 12:21:58 · answer #9 · answered by Teddy Bear 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been on the receiving end of this one. My ex wife chose to tell me she wanted a divorce. I was shocked and hurt. But at least I knew it was over and didn't spend the next six months hoping she would come back.
2007-01-14 12:23:13 · answer #10 · answered by jinxybear 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋