Question about my marriage and its downside?

Question

Ok here's the thing, my wife and I got married in October and things have been fine for the most part. I'm 22 and she's 20 years old and we both have good jobs. Lately things have been getting to me big time with her. For instance, she gets about 15 calls a day on her phone from either her sister, her mom, or someone else under a restricted number and it's getting old. I told her i was tired of it but she just said that it's her family and I have to deal with it. Also, last night at work she had a guy ask her out to a movie knowing she was married and pregnant, and she didn't say a word to him. So that kinda got under my skin and we got in an arguement. So doing what she always does when that happens, she leaves the house and goes wherever. Well when she did that she got car problems on her brand new eclipse, and instead of calling me, she called her dad for help and for him to pick her up. I cannot deal with this anymore from her! She's acting like a child, what should i do?

Answer 1

It takes sometime for your wife and you to get used to a married life. You both need to communicate. This requires understanding, listening before making any judgement on a particular situation e.g. her car broke down... Two possible main reasons: she did not call you because she is afraid you will blast at her or she is usually dependent on her dad when things happen. Or there maybe other reason. So clarify this doubt with her...cos she is the only one who can answer this question. And yes, she is pregnant ..she may act irrationally or not like her usual self because of hormonal changes. Please be understanding. You would like to read more about it and learn to care for her. Apologise and affirm her that u trust her and u will be there for her that she can depend on you when crisis happens. Tell her u love her and can't wait for the child's arrival. Spend some quality time give her a massage and buy the food she likes.

Separation is not an answer to your question. If I were to suggest that to you am telling you to hide from reality and not learn to deal with reality. Cos what u r experiencing now you will lead u to the next marriage. And there sure to be something that u will not be happy with your second wife.

Solve the problem don't sway about from it.

Answer 2

First congratulations on your marriage.ok now you have several issues going on here.Let me also say that i speak from experience i am 34 and have been married for 10yrs.You and your wife are young and you both still have years of maturing ahead of you.Instead of getting upset that she recieves phone call's from her family you should be happy that she has a close relationship with them.As far as the restricted # that should not be a big deal either do you trust your wife.with that said also let me say that trust is everything in a marriage if you do not have trust then you have nothing.About this guy at her work asking her to go to a movie did she go(no)so again why get upset you should feel tickled that you have a beautiful wife.The two of you are married and that makes you partners but you are both still individuals and what that means is that neither one of you has the right to control eachother it is not right to tell her not to talk to her friends &family.The two of you need to learn to talk to eachother and not argue.You need to talk to her and expalin that when you disagree about something it bothers you that she get's in the car and leaves I don't beleive that by her getting in the car and leaving is childish I beleive that is her way of not having the situation escalate to to a harsher situation.Marriage is give and take it is also a lot of compromise and you two will not always agree on thing's and again that is part of being a individual person.You need to learn not to sweat the small stuff easier said then done i know but life is so much happier when you are not all upset.You don't want to make a mountain out of a mole-hill so try and back off a bit.I hope this helps and you need to vent or talk feel free to e-mail me.Good luck to the both of you.and do remember trust is everything I cannot stress that enough.Also congratulations on the upcomming birth of your child.Remember you married for better or for worse you will get over this tiny hump.Again good luck.

Answer 3

Try a different approach, Try explaining to her that when you married her that you became the one that she is sapposed to depend on and call for help, that it makes you feel like a man. Also ask her if she could not spend SO much time on the phone that it is taking away time that you want to spend with her. This kind of stuff will happen when a young girl gets married she is use to depending on daddy and her friends and family to be there. Give her time and she will GROW on you. As far as the jerk at work that asked her to a movie he is a dumbass and go tell him your wife is pregnant and married and he needs to find someone else to go with that you don't like it period. And the leaving the house after a argument, you need to make a deal with her, tell her that from now on when you argue that YOU won't leave if she don't that you can go in different rooms of the house until you cool off. That you don't want to have to worry about her and the baby when she drives upset.And how would she like it if you left and she didn't know where you went of who you were with/ she is very young and so are you it is going to be a real bumpy road.

Answer 4

I love how all these people are telling you to grow up and so forth. You seem to be nice to the point where you're sort of a push over, when it comes to your wife. For some reason it has to be your fault; your wife is acting like an idiot, but here's some help. Most women act like fools. They love attention, and better yet whenever they have a problem they have to run to someone other than their husband to talk about it. The worst thing a married person can do is complain about their marital problems with their family; all that will do is cause more grudges.

I have a wife, and she's beautiful, and guys will look at her, and maybe ask her out, but she makes it clear to them she's married, and that doesn't mean being a *****.

Plain and simple your wife is immature. My wife isn't perfect either, and here's the crappy part. You can't really do anything about it, because no matter how nice you are about it, you get blamed for it, then you will come to pages like this, and all these hippie fools will tell you it's your fault as well.

Life Sucks.

Answer 5

I'm a little confused with your issue -- you don't like her on the phone all the time? My question is why doesn't she have a job, or why isn't she in school. You guys are both pretty young to have gotten married, and your marriage, from what you have discussed here has issues, and you are about to be parents. Being parents is one hell of a tough job... and your marriage isn't even solid and secure. Be prepared from some really tought years coming up.... screaming colic at 2a, feedings, vomit int he bed, demanding child..... children are not bonding, they are divisive.

You asked, what should YOU do? (What I would do in your place or hers, you don't want to know... ) But the two of you need to get into counseling, grow up really fast, and get into some parenting classes.... And if you don't, your marriage won't survive....You're about to get the shock of your life when that baby arrives...Read some of my other stuff on what marriage is, and see how well you guys fit... (you don't yet)

Answer 6

Well, after reading this I really think you guys just need some space. What we as adults need to realize is that we can't stop others from doing what they want to do. I learned the hard way. Back up and have her question you and your whereabouts. Maybe go hang out with your friends and do different things. I know you don't want to play the game but it's a relationship and sometimes it comes with that. Just then, maybe she will learn to appreciate you and your new family. I know it will be hard since this is your family and you don't want it to slip through the cracks but you must be patient and able to just back off. Remember everything in the dark will come to the light...or Stand like a tree and it will come to you. Do something really out of the ordinary for valentines day and see how she reacts. If her demeanor is shady then you'll know something. Just watch her patterns.

Answer 7

She is acting like a child i agree with you on that, once you are married you are not free to do and go as you please, you are no longer a daddy's girl or a Mommy's girl, the guy she should have told under no circumstances would she see him out side of work that is what a mature women would have done after she said thank you i am flattered but NO>
if the marriage has a chance to be a good one there needs to be an independent person to tell her she needs to grow up. someone she will listen to when they lay down the facts to her.she is married but acting like she is not. she does not need to talk to her family everyday i can imagine the furstration you are going through, she would drive me nuts too. good luck.

Answer 8

- Instead of reacting to the phone calls, could you sit down as ADULTS and try to come up with a plan, maybe she could turn her phone off after 8pm so you two can spend time together.
Just because some guy asked her out and she didn't tell him she was married/pregnant doesn't mean anything. Did she go out with him??? If so, you have a problem, if not let it go!!!!
I think the problem in your marriage is insecurity.

Answer 9

you are way too posessive -- let out the reins! So what if her family calls her -- what's the problem? And so what if some guy asked her out - she didn't go, did she? You've been posessed by the green-eyed monster and you've got to get rid of him. Your wife deserves some space -- especially if she is a newly wed who is not only argueing with her husband but has to deal with the hormones and changes involved in being pregnant. I also am not surprised she called her father for help -- I am sure she was trying to avoid the blast she was going to get from you. Get yourself a hobby or something and let your wife have a life.

Answer 10

It seems she is still really close to her family and continuing to rely on their support. Maybe you could tell her you would like the opportunity to be more supportive? It seems excessive to get around 15 calls a day, maybe you could ask her to limit the time/number of calls because you feel it's intruding into your time as a couple. You need to talk to her about the guy at work. Maybe he wanted mothing more than a companion with whom to see a movie, maybe he's gay. She needs to make it clear to this guy that she's happily married and wouldn't consider going out with another guy. It seems you resent her ongoing closeness to her family. This shouldn't be a threat to your relationship, but it appears you feel it is. I'm guessing you're not close to your family, maybe you are projecting your own issues onto your wife, or maybe you had different expectations of marriage. Whatever the problems are, you need to discuss and resolve them with your wife.