Is there anything worse than finding out your partner is really a slapper and yet you have no concrete proof.?

Question

I have just found a series of texts on my partners phone which confirms she's very 'popular' with the men at her work. She denies any impropriety and says she "does'nt know why she sent the texts". Because of other known lies, coincidences and contradictions over the past two years I have reason to seriously believe that at least one colleague has been the subject of her attention. However, she is right in one respect....I do not have any concrete proof (as she says). Do I really need 'Concrete Proof?!!).

Answer 1

It's up to you. Only you can decide whether you trust her or not.
Or whether you love her enough to try to keep the relationship going.

Answer 2

Well my partner was the type you would never think of acting like that and thats why I wouldnt have thought he was until a few things hit me in the face. I know the situation you have reason to believe she has done more and has had the opportunity to do so but no way to prove anything and she is not going to tell you the truth. You did not say your married or that you have children, if your only going out together then you can see how it could be worse. I'd never knowingly marry someone like that.
If you are married with kids its more complicated, you have your children to think about. You might decide to stay with her for them but feel no obligation to be faithful to her.
If your not married, the way I see it, it is simple, you just write a list, on one side of the page, the advantages of being with this person, on the other side, the disadvantages and compare.
Popular women / men (flirty types) are probably trouble, there is someone out there for everyone if you just look hard enough.

Answer 3

If you don't trust her then leave. Lack of trust creates a vivid imagination - but not a healthy one.

Sometimes people flirt just for a laugh and especially if they are not happy at home they need to feel that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.

It may be that your relationship has gone stale (not blaming anybody) and you need to sit down and talk.

Otherwise call it a day - you will only make each other miserable and every time she is 10 minutes late you will think she is in bed with someone else and every time she is stuck in traffic she will be a nervous wreck.

Answer 4

She does know why she sent the texts, she just doesn't want you to know why.

Obviously a woman with major insecurity issues who needs an ego rub from her male colleagues.

There have been 'lies, coincidences and contradictions'. That would be proof enough for most people. That's as concrete as you need it to be.

Answer 5

SURELY A LOT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP IN GENERAL?
IT IS AN INTERESTING TO CONSIDER JUST WHAT "PROOF" ACTUALLY MEANS.
YOU MENTION a) CONTRADICTIONS b) KNOWN LIES c) COINCIDENCES AND d) YOUR SERIOUS DOUBTS.
THINK ABOUT A COURT OF LAW WHERE THE DEFENDANT LIES, CONTRADICTS,HAS "JUST" COINCIDENCES. IF THE JURY HAVE DOUBTS WHAT VERDICT WOULD THEY GIVE?
YOU ALREADY HAVE THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION. IT IS NOT IN WHAT OTHER PEOPLE BELIEVE IT IS IN WHAT YOU KNOW. THERE ARE MANY MISCARRIAGES OF JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD YET WE MUST, AND DO MAKE DECISIONS ON THE EVIDENCE WE HAVE BEFORE US NOT ON WHAT MAY COME TO LIGHT AT A LATER DATE.
MORE IMPORTANTLY FOR ME IS HER UNKNOWING WHY SHE SENT CERTAIN TEXTS TO OTHERS! PERHAPS SHE HAS SOME FORM OF DEMENTIA OR ANOTHER MEMORY PROBLEM? PERHAPS SHE IS JUST FLIRTING HARMLESSLY BUT WON'T TELL YOU IN FEAR OF YOUR REACTION? MANY IFS AND BUTS. MANY OTHER QUESTIONS. THINK OF A COURT OF LAW NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE.

Answer 6

I don't know what a slapper is but i think what you are saying is you feel that she is cheating in some form. Does it matter if you have concrete proof? That is up to you. What matters is how you feel. What she has done is wrong no matter what.I personally think that the text alone is enough proof if it were me.

Answer 7

No - you dont need "concrete proof" .... as others have said, if thats how she phrased it to you then i'd automatically assume that she is being very smug about the whole situation ie - "prove i did it and then maybe i'll admit to it (or quite possibly NOT admit to it!)...otherwise, i'll just keep stringing you along BECAUSE i CAN!!!!" Sorry to be so cynical but the World Is A Cruel Place!!!!

Answer 8

No you don't. If your uncomfortable with the way she acts and talks to these other men you have evey right to be upset. Even if you have no "proof" it's obviously been going on long enough for you to notice. There are plenty of other girls out there that will never give you any reason to question them. Go out and find yourself someone who's trust worthy.

Answer 9

if you want to win this arguement... then yes, you probably do

theres nothing to stop you talking to her work colleagues yourself though and finding out what really goes on or just doing some other "background" work

i know its going behind her back but im guessing you dont mind too much if youve been reading her texts, and after all youll only be going behind her back because shes given you a reason too

good luck, i hope everything turns out ok in the end :)

Answer 10

Your relationship isn't a court of law, you don't need concrete proof. If you're unhappy with the way the relationship is going then get out.

Answer 11

Oh honey this all sounds very familiar to me. If you don't trust her then don't waste any more of your time being with her. You'll just end up kicking yourself in a years time because you wasted your life being miserable and doubting instead of being happy. And even if she's not cheating, its a waste for her too being with a man who doesn't trust her. Let her move on with her life if she wants to be with someone else and go find somebody you can be happy with.