why is it some people fall in and out of love?

Question

I have know my husband for 3 1/2 year, at the begining we dated for 4 months and then broke up. he said he loved me but wasn't in love with me. then 8 months later we got back togther, everything was great for a year + we got married were having a baby and now just last month he pulls the same thing. now it's He loves me but he doesn't know if it's enough for forever. (his exact words.)

What the heck is wrong here how can someone fall in and out of love so easilie?

there is NO other girl so what is it?

Answer 1

This is a tough situation to be in. I have felt what he feels, and it is a bit like, I love my sister, and my mother. I care very deeply in their health, happiness, and well-being, but I do not feel the full emotion of "LOVE". with them. Sexual, Spiritual and Emotional state of love is when you are "In Love" with someone. This occurs usually when an Adult "MAN" is mature enough to actually know what commitment is involved in saying "I DO". Most people know nothing of the commitment involved in saying "I Love You" to someone. This is usually why Adults claim that Teenagers and younger Adults do not know what love is, because they don't!Just trying to keep the other one from going out with someone else, is not a reason to say I love you. Wanting to get them into the sack, is not a reason to say I love you. When we, as HUMANS, evolve beyond the point of women using SEX as a tool to get a man, then the lying of men will become nonexistent as far as LOVE is concerned. I do not think men will ever evolve beyond all lying. I would have to summarize an answer to your question as,,, He is immature! Hopefully he will grow up one day and make a good husband, but I am afraid it will take a while. Men do not mature as easily as women. Sorry for the bad news. Hope this helps you understand a little.

Answer 2

Marriage is a commitment you have you work at, especially if you
have a child. Lust is usually what you have at the beginning of a
relationship, but it doesn't usually stay at the same level when you
have been with the same person for a long time. It comes in waves
and you really do have to work at it. A different kind of love and caring take place in a long term relationship. Try having a date night
once a week, just the two of you. If you can't get out, try a candle
light dinner at home. Plan things together, vacations, recreation,
etc. Have something you both can look forward to. Marriage is also compromise. Try not to argue. Talk things out. One way is
to let one person talk and say what's on their mind for 2 minutes
and the other person can't interrupt. Then it is the other persons
turn. It's hard to live with another person, but if you love him and
don't try to change him maybe things will get better. Good Luck

Answer 3

I had something similar happen to me and it turned out that he was really stuck on an old girlfriend and never could get over her. Then when the old girlfriend popped up back in his life suddenly he "wasn't in love" with me anymore. So what I'm saying is that there may be circumstances and/or people you don't know about that are influencing his feelings for you. Perhaps he has a crush on someone at work and is so into them that he is questioning how he feels about you....

All I can say is that with guys like this it's always a nightmare. Some guys can never really commit to certain women. He may have married you when he was feeling more committed, but it doesn't sound like his feelings for you are very stable. They can change too easily when there are different women around him or life in general gets boring or dull.

I hate to say it but you had your first inkling of this when you were dating him. Having been through this nightmare once, I have no patience for men who act like that and I know that if they can pull that "feelings" crap once, they can do it again and again.

I don't know what to tell you, because in my case I wasn't married so we just broke up. In your situation it's a little more complicated. If I were you I would enlist the help of a marriage counselor, if only for you so you can get some advice on how to handle this.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

It is very possible to fall in and out of love, which is what many people do throughout a relationship. There are different phases in the relationship as well. I am currently undergoing one with my boyfriend. Long term and serious relationships take work day in and day out. He may just be experiencing the exact same thing that I am. I don't want to be with anybody else, but the newness has worn off and being with him doesn't give me the same feeling of excitement as usual. It is normal to second guess yourself and doubt the relationship. When someone in a relationship falls out of love, it is the other's job to carry them through the tough time. That's what true love is all about.

Answer 5

There are any number of reasons why couples get together and then break up. One of the primary factors is that young men raised in single parent homes (by their mothers) have never learned what it means to be a "husband". If his mother had a series of semi-permanent relationships then he thinks that's pretty much normal. Another problem may be that you went for a "bad boy" instead of a regular type. Also raised by their mothers. (See Bill Clinton) Bad boys are exciting. Regular guys are boring. And finally, it hasn't helped matters any that for the past 40 years feminists have been teaching young women that they don't need a man around to be fulfilled. It was Germaine Greer or one of her type that coined the famous phrase, "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". What I suggest is that you sit your husband down, split a bottle of wine, and have a long talk. I like what Dr. Laura says; "it's not about you any more." You and your husband have to realize that it's all about the kid. Not whether you get along or not. As long as you're not hitting on each other or doing dope, and as long as you're able to provide a home for the kid, get over yourselves. You are now mother and father. Go for it.

Answer 6

Girls=detail oriented, Boys=big picture oriented. We all have feelings...you may be looking at this year, he may be looking at your guys' entire life span, which can be frightening and confusing at the same time. He's gotta step up to the plate sometime though, it sounds like he's wasting a lot of time worrying. It's not that people fall in and out, I think it's more of a wax and wane like tides. Men get sympathy PMS-does he act this way during certain times of the month?

Answer 7

I don't think that if a person were really in love that they ever completely fall out of love. Some people keep looking for greener grass on the other side and maybe they never really love at all. Tell your silly husband that you don't need him to love you forever just for a life-time-and you darn well mean it.

Answer 8

I hope you don't really believe that there is NO other girl. Men like that always have another girl or 2 or 3. I know this is harsh but the truth is he does not really love you. Because if you truely love someone, you love them unconditionally not just when you feel like it. I say kick him to the curb. When one door closes another one opens, kicking him out of your life will give you the opportunity to find true unconditional love that you deserve.

Answer 9

It's all bull. A true man or women doesn't loosely live their life based on love. Love doesn't even have a definite meaning, it's based on each person. I found someone who I believe I was compatible with, and can spend the rest of my life with, I'm not worried about sleeping with other women, or growing tired of my wife, she is family now.

Your husband is basically saying he wants to screw other people. What else can he mean, by not feeling as though he will always be in love with you? translation = I feel as though I might grow tired of banging you.

It's a sad world we live in.

Answer 10

It's just the ability to let go instead of holding on. Some people dwell over things and some just let it be. I think if you believe that everything happens for a reason, it would be easier to go with the waves.