I have considered buying her a new ring for our 15th anniversary, but our sex life has been in the dumps for the past 4 years. When we do have sex; at most 1-2 a month it's really nice. We know each other inside and out and satisfying the others needs is not the problem. The problem is her desire. I've tried everything that I know to do and then some. I do 90% of the house work, I tend to our 4 children and do all the cooking. Plus I work. I should be the one with no sex drive. Her's is gone and mine is higher than ever and has always been that way. There is no affection, kissing, or passion from her. except from the occassional kiss on the cheek. I don't want get divorced, but I'm tired of being lonely in a one sided marriage. It should'nt be this way. I thought about renewing our vows and buying her a new ring as a new start. What am I missing or not doing to get the love and affection a marriage needs? Is it time to move on, or should I just accept a loveless marriage?
2007-01-14 03:15:38 · 13 answers · asked by trick26 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You poor man. I feel for you. I can understand her labido loss though. I am married and get that thing were you feel stuck in a rut labido loss. I think it is caused from to much to fast. I have thre children within 4 years! If you want to get her in the mood you might want to try to best approach possible, talking to her. I understand you work, but how old are your children? If they are around 2 yrs old and up they can help with the chores so you and your wife can have some special quality time. I don't mean sitting in front of the tv or computer drinking a 30 pack and ignoring your wife but I mean actual conversation between her and you. I know that this may take a little time for her to start telling you what is wrong but you must remember, how much you love and adore this woman! I'm not saying that it could not be something else but it may be that she just needs that attention. That belonging, love and affection from you. You have been married for 15 years, and you know each other inside and out, but do you feel or see that she maynot be enjoying the sexual experience? Although, yes it may be good for you, granted but it may not be what she wants at that time. I'm not saying go out to your local Priscilla's and purchase something that you think might help her. I'm saying, have someone take the kids for a weekend and you stay with your wife and talk to her, and try to understand what may be happening within her that you don't know. Now if and when you find out information that she may have been holding her back from telling you, try to analyze it as well as comment about what she is saying.
Most women will say that they don't want to talk or that they need their space. This is a way of getting the man in their lives frustrated and self assuming to what she may need so much time to herself. Remember, women do alot that men cannot and usually women never get the appreciation that we need and deserve. Give these things a try and I hope something will change for the good in your relationship.
2007-01-14 03:36:29 · answer #1 · answered by chancysnaps 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like a loveless marriage, it sounds more like she is going through some emotional times. She could be depressed, given the fact that you are doing most of the stuff around the house and takign care of the kids. Maybe a quiet weekend away would be beneficial, or taking a night a week for the two of you to spend quality time together. If she stays home with the children, she may just be in a rut. I'd suggest maybe you two take a class together, maybe a dancing class, or painting...something that you both can focus some energy towards. You need a little something to re-spark the flame. The vow renewal is wildly romantic, but I think it would be wise to consider some time that you two can spend together. It's great that you want to make it work. Best of Luck!!
2007-01-14 03:44:39 · answer #2 · answered by Lemme tell ya... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Four kids, I can tell you that every waking moment one or more of those kids is on her mind.... not sex. You and the wife need to take a cruise where you can just focus on the beauty and serenity... and one another. Can the grandparents step up and take care of the kids for 4 or 5 days? Now, don't think I'm rude... but... some men really let themselves go after marriage. Yes, women certainly do, too. But, truth be known, if you walk around the house shirtless, would she be turned on?
2007-01-14 03:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree- don't give up on fifteen years!!!!! You have four kids-obviously things haven't always been "loveless" AND personally, if I gave birth to 4 kids, sex would lose it's luster for a while. So, yeah, she might not be feeling all that pretty and may even be afraid to feel sexy if the end result means childbirth. Girls can get weird about that stuff. I would try to talk to her about it, and yeah-go with a new ring. But women are word-oriented-always communicate.
2007-01-14 03:47:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If sex and doing the work are the ways you are showing her you love her, and you see the ring and gifts as quid-pro-quo, maybe she thinks you see the relationship as less a friendship and more a series of transactions. For me, that would be a real turn-off, and it actually nearly killed my marriage.
How often have you told her she is beautiful? How often have you done things with just the two of you where you listened to her carefully, and told her about the things you are thinking? Do you have any dreams for the future?
It is your job to make sure she feels cherished. If you want sex, you need to first have love. The pure passion will have died long ago -- now you need to make the sex about bonding for the friendship's sake.
2007-01-14 03:24:53 · answer #5 · answered by snickersmommie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in a passionless marriage too. Been that way sinse right after we married. I'm the one that has no desire with this partner. I love him to death though, he is a wonderful person and I woudl not want to go thru this life without him.
I think that for me, this is becuase my husband does NOTHING romantic. He takes out the trash, walks the dog, all that.......I have only seen a couple of romantic guestures and when he did that.... it changed everything for me.
Romance is there ...........it works for women. Try ROMANCE..... UNEXPECTED romance... I tell you, it sparked something in me a few times.
Maybe all that you are doing isn't working for her in the attraction dept. A little too ....I dont know. Try a dinner out, with the limo, make her FEEL beautiful. It works for me.
I would like to say its normal to not have all that sex after marriage. I have not this marriage, my first one we did. I can't say what is normal or not.
We never have it.
Try the romance... I'm in my 40's and been married 9 yrs. I know what women like, its not sex , its romance and love and THEN sex.
DONT GIVE UP ON YOUR MARRIAGE
2007-01-14 03:23:30 · answer #6 · answered by SunValleyLife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because she doesn't have sex with you as often as you like doesn't mean it's a 'loveless marriage'. lots of women experience decreased sex drives, try to talk to her about it with out being demanding. try giving her a massage to help her relax, and tell her that you desire her, call her sexy, make her feel like she's the only woman on the planet you want to sleep with. she'll come around.
Talk to her first, and if she sees your point of view then go on with the renewal of the vows, hopefully it'll give you both a fresh start.
ps it's great that you take the brunt of the housework and child rearing.
2007-01-14 03:23:18 · answer #7 · answered by myfianceisamonkey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um, this sounds like trolling to me. If no longer, I advise, the position i'm from an $800 ring from a fifteen year-old is insane. yet per chance on your wealthy community that is airborne dirt and airborne dirt and dust lower priced. So ask a number of your different wealthy pals, per chance?
2016-10-31 02:02:52 · answer #8 · answered by doti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm sounds like a soap story. A good talk is a solution for me. You know what they say abt going out and rekindle the old feelings..it will not work if you havent trashed what's bugging you. Pick a good moment and start talking........and make sure its a good moment for her as well. Good luck:)
2007-01-14 03:25:26 · answer #9 · answered by springwhiteorchid 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has problems.Maybe physical or mental.Love her and get her a new ring.My husband did for our 15th year too and it did me wonders.I was so suprised.We went away for 3 days and he gave it to me then.I had a 1/2 carrot now I have a 1 carrot and its beautiful.I felt really renewed in many ways.It just might be the boost she needs..Good luck
2007-01-14 03:34:26 · answer #10 · answered by karen e 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋