How to handle annoying, ignorant employees? How to be diplomatic and get the results I want?

Question

I have had the same problem since day one. Employees seem unable to think for themselves for even the smallest things. I am friendly with them, at the same time, I am strict when the time requires. One year and a half, I have tolerated them and tried to help as much I can. But this created jealousy when I help others more or talk to others more. This year I'd like to bring my company to international level and would go full swing to get sales and more projects. I do not have patience anymore and keep losing my temper during meetings when employees ask the same question more than twice. How do I handle this problem? People told me to be more diplomatic. I feel I tried that before, but got nowhere. What do you think, people? Diplomatic or demanding? I feel when I am demanding, they are more cautious. But someone told me this year I should control my temper, or else it would create negative karma for myself. Yikes~! Help!

Answer 1

Obviously, you shouldn't be in management. Why? Because you are asking this question here.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

You lack basic assertiveness skills.

I'm not saying "aggresiveness" or "b*tchiness" skills. I'm saying, you lack assertiveness skills.

I'm betting, that when you get your fill, something sets you off, and you probably do show your temper. So, you move between being "nice lady" and complete b*tch... Either you lose employees due to the b*tch part, or they have learned to ignore the anger, or both.

What you need to learn is how to get people to do what you want, with the least amount of guidance, right? In other words, a simple look should replace a butt-chewing... a respect of your person should replace constant mentoring... right?

Well, that's basic assertiveness. In the military, they call that command presence. If you watch the Dog Whisperer (which isn't a bad idea for you either), he talks about being the "pack leader" and being in a "calm, assertive" state. Others call it "negotiation" skils.

My sister, I swear, is mostly a calm lady... but can explain nicely how you totally screwed up, and how you're almost fired, and that things will change... and you will feel bad for her having to say that, instead of feeling bad for yourself!! Part of that is being a middle child, but part is having years of sales experience, and part from her days as a McD's manager.

You probably need some assertiveness training. You can take classes (perhaps paid for by your employer) as well as read the books. I think that Roger Dawson has great negotiation tapes. And, don't under-estimate Covey's "Seven Habits" stuff.

Answer 4

Keep in mind that there is no "fast" way to change the course of this behavior. It will take time for people who are in your team to develop into what you are looking for. Next, there are thousands of guru's out there that "sell" this type of "knowledge". Below, find a few key points that are time tested and recur in practice and in the world of consultation:

* Set expectations
- Determine the results you are looking for; both from people and the organization
- Seek to understand the expectations that teams and individuals have of you

* Remove boundaries
- Since you had the discussions of the team's goals and expectations, you will learn of obstacles that might inhibit this process. As the team's leader, one of your primary functions is to develop (or empower others) solutions to remove barriers and obstacles.

* Model the behavior of success
- Part of developing your team is sometimes demonstrating the type of behavior that you expect, and literally saying that you are doing as much
- Show the team how meetings should flow, progress, the information that is expected, the follow through that is required, etc

* Define accountability
- Determine and define the actions or steps that will be taken if results are not achieved or deadlines are not met. Plain and simple. Tell me what will happen if I don't deliver.

* Recognize individual and team results
- This can be communicated prior to work on project or tasks begin. How will we celebrate success? How will you reward team members for meeting their expectations? For exceeding their expectations? Keep in mind that recognition is not always monetary. People are motivated by social, monetary, and cultural factors.

Answer 5

Next time you get angry take a deep breath and think before you react. Getting angry at the workplace is a totally acceptable behavior as long as you don't go into stark raving mad tirades. You are not there to win a popularity contest--you are the dictator. 'Your way or the highway'--you know? Sometimes you can't teach someone who's clueless no matter what you try--and you just have to get rid of them and keep trying to find someone who is more suited to your line of work. It's not your job to get your employees to perform up to your standards--it's their job to meet your reasonable expectations. If they can't get rid of them and get someone who will meet your expectations. As a manager or a boss you don't have the time to sit and babysit over someones shoulder if you've already trained them properly--time is money. Nor do you have the time to constantly go back and re-train them to perform up to your expectations. Usually the 'three strikes you're out' rule works well.
It's a hard-*** thing to do but that's what it takes. Once you get a good mix of employees working together with minimal supervision your job will get 100% easier.

Answer 6

Treat others as you would want to be treated yourself. You should not be losing your temper at all.

If people are asking the same question several times then maybe they do not understand the the answers that you are giving them.

I really think that the problem may be with you. No one should refer to their staff as ignorant - that is so offensive.