In-laws don't visit their grandchild much?

Question

My fiances father and his wife don't visit our new baby girl very often. They have seen her three times and she is 4 months old now. When they came for xmas I made a comment to them, saying heres your granddaughter, shes changed lots since your last visit, but they didn't seem to take note of my point. They shower her with gifts when they do come but I would rather they visit more often then just come once in a while with gifts. They visit the wifes grandchildren all the time, even travel to visit one of them. How can I make them realize they need to see this one too. Its a hassel to get to their place cause its a 3 hour trip on transporation and a lot of transfering from one to the other and with a baby its a lot of luggage we have to take, so its easier for them to come here. We have done our share in visiting them though but they make no attempt to come here, am I being selfish?

The ride by car is much faster, only takes about 2 hours. They travel 4 hours to visit another grandkid almost every other weekend. We have invited them down but "she" always has other plans. We even went as far as giving a year notice and she said no, she had plans. A year notice... Its always been her family first, and my fiances father speaks his mind, but gets her way. The worse part is my fiance works weekends and they bug him to take days of work for functions but when their granddaugther got baptized they wouldn't take time off work for her. But us, raising a child, need the money, have to take time off work for a function they had planned for her, to welcome her into the family. They wouldn't do it on our day off, it was their day off, but we can't get the same from them. Its frustrating..we try try try, all the time

and no it isn't once a month they are coming, they came the day she was born, the week after and xmas. Three times. It had been three months since they seen her when they came for xmas.

Oh and by the the way, the complain because when they came at xmas she was playing shy with them, and they said its cause she doesn't see them much, hello, isn't that a reason to make more of an attempt to visit her? We even offered to visit them recently but they were busy. I may be putting to much into this but family is important to me and my fiance and we want her to get to know everyone, she is now learning faces and reacts to those she sees a lot. My grandmother is very old, shes blind, deaf, and her and my grandfather come over all the time to see her. They travel the same distance to visit, and they even have more grandchildren to visit, and they do all the time. I just feel, don't complain when you visit cause shes playing shy, if you want a relationship with her visit more, or make plans to get together more. We try but they are always busy with her family, his family is always on the back burner. Its their lose anyways.

Answer 1

I have 2 kids 3 yrs and 1 1months and I only see my father once a months and he lives 1/2 hour away. I totaly understand you cause my in-laws never come over to our house (they live about 10min away) they expect us to always go over there. Cause there is no smoking in our house and they hate going outside. I have to invite them for dinner jsut to get them to come over and that rarely happens. This problem is between you fiance and his father, don't put yourself in between it's something your fiance should settle, he needs to tell his father how his feels about not visiting more often.
good luck and congradulations

Answer 2

I think you are reading too much into this. Relax. Take a deep breath.

They don't "need" to visit, so much as you want them to. Stop making comparisons. Enjoy what you have and leave the rest alone. Nothing good will come of you keeping an internal list of times and duration and quality, etc. You did what you did in the past because you wanted to, didn't you, not because you expected to be repaid. Accept what they are giving, be grateful, and don't ask for more.


She is ONLY 4 months old, and while you love and adore her to pieces, as you should, 4 month old don't do a whole heck of a lot to visit with. The child benefits so little from these visits, strangers holding her, germs passing etc. When your child is older, they will develop a bond all their own, and if they don't that's okay too, so long as they don't outright reject her.

Relax.

Edited to add:
You sound like you are just looking for reasons and excuses to dislike your future father-in-law and his wife. With that attitude, nothing good will ever come of it. Could it be that the wife senses that you are looking for conflict and chooses to stay away from you and the mistrust and envy you are putting out there.
Let go of it. If they don't visit, it is THEIR loss, not yours.
4 month old babies are not SHY! they are infants, and this is where you show your true self. You are looking for trouble.

Answer 3

Three hours is not that long of a trip. I drive 5 hours to see my parents and its worth it.

She is only 4 months now. They have seen her 3 times in 4 months. That's about once a month. I don't see what you are complaining about. They have come almost once a month and you say they are making no attempts to come to you????

And babies don't change that much in a month.

It sounds like you are jealous that they may spend more time with their other grandchildren, but maybe they live closer?? Maybe they only have to travel an hour to see them??

Edited to add: You wanted to know if you thought you were being selfish. When people kind of said "yes", you added new details so we would think otherwise. Maybe you should tell them some of this stuff about how you can't afford to take time off of work and ask them to plan with you better?? Sounds like you just want us all to confirm that your mother-in-law is a biatch, but you already know that!

Answer 4

3 hours is a long trip to make that often. The average appears to be almost once a month and for the distance, that's not bad at all. My kids grandmother lives 3 hours away and it's hard to make frequent visits. She sees the kids maybe 5 times a year.

Answer 5

definite, in Oklahoma grandparents do have visitation rights, to be set with information from the courts if no amicable settlement might want to be reached with information from the be certain(s) and grandparents. i'm able to't save in recommendations the precise statute variety, yet I did ought to look this one up one time.

Answer 6

Have you called and asked them to come? Set up a time. Invite them to dinner. My husband's family is very excited about our son but did the same thing for the first 6 months or so. We had to invite them to get them to come over.

Now that my son is 10mo we call them to watch our son occasionally, make trips there and invite them over. It's gotten a lot better.

Answer 7

Consider yourself lucky I live 1200 miles from my family and they only see us 1-2 times per year my twins are almost a year and my father still has not bothered to see them yet.

Answer 8

Be staight forward with you soon to be in laws. Tell them nicely to there faces that you would like them to come and visit more often. If you don't tell them what you want how are they suppost to know.

Answer 9

You should understand them since they live far and 3 hours drive to go and visit your family. Im sure all granparents love their grandchild and they are trying their best to show them thier happiness and love, but in that case its not easy to do it coz of their age.

Answer 10

They're seeing her once a month, I would pay to have my ILs only come over once a month. Once a month is tonnes.

Also don't compare yourself to other people, or how people treat you compared to how they treat other people you will only make yourself miserable.