ok my husband is on tour right now in the Army, he has been gone now for 5 months he told me befor he left that he didn't want me to go out to the bars and I havent not even once I have stayed home. well my b-day is comming up and my mom and her sister ( My Aunt) wants to take me out to a bar for my b-day, I told my husband of this plan and he told me not to go in a very serious tone. Personaly i dont think that it is fare for me to stay home and be alone for my b-day, I have respected his wishes on this since he has been gone but I also Feel that its my b-day and its not like im going with the girls im going with my family so what do you guys think I should Do?
2007-01-14 01:50:43 · 31 answers · asked by mstycain 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being a military spouse is not easy at all and there's always sacrafices to be made - from both sides. (Trust me, I know, both my husband and I are in the Army and we've spend 4 weeks together in the first year of our marriage). He's serving his country away from you and his family. He also knows what military spouses are capable of doing and he's just trying to have a piece of mind when he knows you're at home and not going out to bars/clubs. I'm glad to hear that you respect his wishes, but i think that he needs to look at your point of view also. I don't know why he doesn't want you going out with your family - i mean it IS YOUR FAMILY. Try telling him that you deserve a treat (going out for your birthday) for spending 5 months alone at home. He should understand. And if he doesn't, Go. Treat yourself. You've done well so far, just don't do something you'll later regret and don't make going out a habbit. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
2007-01-14 02:45:48 · answer #1 · answered by K9Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey.
It's very difficult as you know on both of you, leading seperate lives right now..Unfortunately being where he is, so far away and under stress guys tend to get a bit paranoid. You could be a saint and they would still be affraid that you'll find someone else because they're not with you to be the man in your life. I don't know if you went to Bars together, or he just doesn't want you hanging around that crowd.Theyre probably nice people.BTW
My guess is he sees even that innocent celebration as a threat,you may meet someone there and leave him because he's not home letting you know he loves you and showing you and some other guy is ,or could be in the Bar that night. I'm not saying you will but I get the idea that's crossing his mind.
Why don't you make both people happy.Have a party at home or your relatives place , or the park if no home suitable. Invite your friends ask them to byo on drinks.Have great food and ask your Aunt to organize it and the DJ . Then enjoy.
Your husband would be more secure and happy .Then he can consentrate on his job. You'd have a cool Party for your Birthday.
Good Luck and Happy Birthday
2007-01-14 02:11:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing there is more to the story than this.
But let's just look at it simply. Your husband has given up 5 months of his life in service of his country. And you're not willing to give up one night at a bar on your birthday?
This paints a fair picture for me. The fact that this is such an issue for you tells me there is something more going on. Keep staying home and invite your mom and your aunt over to your place for a nice dinner and a birthday cake. What's up with the bar? You're married, right? These things of childhood usually pass when you get serious and marry a person.
Yes, I think you should respect his wishes. He shouldn't even have to make this request. Not going to bars for 5 months is NOT a sacrifice. Being in the Army for 5 months *is* a sacrifice. Support the man.
2007-01-14 02:24:19 · answer #3 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MistyCian,
I totally agree with B K. A traditional bar is definitely NOT the most pleasant place to celebrate your birthday. Why not try going to someone's house or have the celebration at your house. If you feel you must go out to be seen by other men, then I think it is a definite possibility that you are using this as an excuse..... Are you really prepared to be faithful to your husband? You can be or do anything in life that you wish. No one should tell you what to do. But, if you truly want to be a good wife then you must respect that role that you must play. Otherwise, don't hurt this man be disrespecting him...... Keep in mind that thousands of service men could be reading this right now. Please respect their service to this country and be faithful..... if you cannot, then don't play the role of the wife. God bless our service men and women everywhere.
2007-01-14 02:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have respected him this whole time and now, that it is your birthday and your mother and aunt want to take you out, there really should be no problems with it. He should understand that you don't want to spend your birthday alone and that your mother and aunt want to do something special for you. I would explain to your husband that it is family and that you are allowed to spend time with them no matter what you are doing, especially on your birthday. I would just tell your husband that here's the plans, let him know what you are doing and just go. I really think that with him being in the service and not there with you, he may be feeling like he can't be there to protect you or maybe having some kind of trust problems.
2007-01-14 02:00:43 · answer #5 · answered by kerrberr95 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
While he is on tour, he doesn't need to be "wondering." So if you decide to go, then don't say. However, I think there is a past problem with bars, so why is he asking you to not go?
The other thing: for godsakes, is there absolutely nothing else you can do besides go to a bar? Honestly, is that it? That is all you can think of?
He may really need to know you'll be there for him when he is done with the sh**hole he is in. The other possibility is that he is controlling.
Regardless, I think a bar is the stupidest place to go on a birthday. Why not go somewhere fun?
2007-01-14 02:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by K H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes i feel you should... A bar is not really a good place for a married woman to go to without her husband with her.... It will and may cause men to flirt with and hit on you and that leads to temptation to do wrong by your marriage.... Why dont you have your friends over to your house and your aunt and mom and they can bring the alcohol and maybe you can go to dinner and a movie with your relatives..... How would you feel if he went out on the town to a bar without you? Think about how and what you would want him to do. Just a suggestion.
2007-01-14 01:58:17 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, respect him. You dont HAVE to go to a bar to have fun for your birthday. Have a ladies night out/ ladies night in. THere are soooo many other things you can do other than go to a bar. It doesnt sound like he wants you to be alone, just wants you to be away from the bars. I dont understand what the big deal is.
2007-01-14 01:58:02 · answer #8 · answered by kimandkaitlyn2005 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not really up for any compromise is he? I don't think that it is fair that he is expecting you to stay at home. Here is the solution to this "dilemma"--go to a place that is a "bar and grill" some place that has a bar inside the resteraunt..that way you aren't going to a "bar" per say--you are going out to eat. It is justification on a technicality--HAVE FUN and enjoy YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! Best Wishes!!!
2007-01-14 02:00:45 · answer #9 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously there have been some issues in the past with you going to bars, or he would not have made this request of you...are you an alcoholic? Do you go home with men when you go out? Do you drive drunk? Do you behave in ways unbecoming of a lady? That's where the real issues lie...
2007-01-14 01:56:55 · answer #10 · answered by єЖтяα ¢яιѕρψ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋