Compromise on wedding ring not working. Any hope?

Question

See my question from yesterday re: my refusal to wear a wedding ring and her refusal to accede to my request.

Summary: I hate wearing jewelry of any sort. Not even a watch. She knows this. She still insists that I wear a ring.

We have always agreed not to force the other to do something that either is very uncomfortable with. This is my first refusal; I'm easy.

She has refused one request I've made repeatedly. Finally, I just decided to respect her views. BTW, my request is not illegal, dangerous, or unethical. She just has very strong feelings against it. So, I decided to respect that.

I suggested a compromise: I will wear the wedding ring on certain occassions if she agrees to my wishes on certain occasions. Seemed fair.

She says no, wear it everyday; her request is required. Mine is optional; I just want it, she says.

We're not breaking up, but I'm worried that our principle of mutual respect will only work for her.

Answer 1

Brent, I read your question yesterday, and I started to answer it, but I was called away from the computer. I was going to suggest a compromise like the one you suggested to your finance. That you wear the ring for special occassions, but just not everyday. So, it's her way or no way. Well, here's the thing. She's backing you into a corner, and she feels like you are backing her into a corner. Who's going to win this battle over a ring. Or is it more than the "ring".

Both of are feeling that if you give in on this, what else are you going to have to give in on. I believe your compromise is a brillant one. But for some reason she is insist that you wear the ring 24-7. I don't wear alot of jewerly myself, no watch, the only thing I wear is my wedding ring. I wish my husband would wear his, but he doesn't. I think that a married man should wear his ring, but am I going to make him wear it...no, obvisous not, because he doesn't. We have been married nearly 27 years, he worked construction and couldn't, but after retiring he still doesn't wear it.

I would love for him, too. But is it worth a "fight" no. So, who's going to give up first. You or her. That's what this has boiled down to. Is a "ring" worth all the fuss and fight. You are right to be concerned that the mutual respect works only for her, because I read yesterday that you have given in on many occassion. You haven't worn jewerly, why does that have to change now. I do understand why she wants you to, I think it's a symbol of committment and love, but is it neccessary...no. As I said I would love for my husband to wear his ring, but he chooses not too.

The compromise was more than fair. I think she needs to back off, and grab the compromise and drop the subject. But that's me. Marriage is all about compromises, sometimes you have to given in and sometimes you have to stand up and just say "no". This is going to get out of hand till...If you don't wear the ring, I am not marrying you. Is it worth that? In a way yes, because your feelings are just as important as your's, and again if she can't see that bother's you, what else are you going to have to compromise on...will she always think that I will give into to her.

Brent, I am sorry, but you have got a tough situation on your hand..no pun intended. I hope that she sees the ring isn't worth this, and be proud that you will wear it on special occassions. Hey, if she would be willing to do this, you might find that wearing the ring isn't so bad, and you enjoy wearing the symbol of your love for her, and decide yourself to wear it all the time. It could happen? Best of luck to you!

God bless us all...........

Answer 2

I think you should talk to him and explain your frustrations and the meaning behind exchanging rings. I do believe that he truth full about his job but he does not work 24/7. In a way might be good now you could get him a cheaper ring lol. If he does not like jewelry at least take it into consideration, maybe you two could come up with a compromise! make a joke of it and get a cheap (candy, plastic .25 cent, string) ring or a tattoo. hopefully this is not a deeper issue, some people really don't like wearing jewelry especially people who always have to take it off and put it on all the time. Good luck and I hope you two could come up with something. if he cares about you he would compromise.

Answer 3

I would wear it. Why, is simply because women will hang around and flirt with you more if you are wearing a wedding ring. I don't know why that is, but it's a well known fact.

One reason you wouldn't want to wear a ring, is if your occupation would perhaps catch your finger on a piece of equipment and/or tool and damage your ring or finger.

Another reason is if you work in an occupation that would damage the ring.

Wear the damned thing around the house or on special occassions when you are out with your wife.

Answer 4

Bottom line is: You're not going to wear that ring.

So, maybe getting married isn't ideal.

Have you guys considered living together as domestic partners?

As far as mutual respect goes, that should be a given, not a point. If one does not concede to the other's wishes, then that indicates a lack of respect? You're allowed to stand on the mutual respect principle in order to have a request met/refused?

I do believe a partnership requires compromise, up until you have compromised yourself, in which case, you need to have another look at where you have put yourself.

Answer 5

Look buddy, if you're old enough to get married, you're an adult and you're old enough to decide what you do and don't want to wear.

I don't like jewelry either so I'm 100% with you. There are bigger issues here than whether or not you'll wear a ring. You are right to be concerned about respect.

If she wants to wear a ring, she can wear one. But what ever makes her think she can dictate what a grown man is going to do? You are not being unreasonable. I know a lot of guys who don't want to wear a ring and they don't.

Your wife sounds insecure. She wants you to wear a ring so other women will know you're taken. She also might need it as a sign of your allegiance to her. Who knows what her reasons are. But I wouldn't give in on this. Find out what the ring sybolizes and see if you can demonstrate that symbolism in some other way that works for you.

Lots of men have told me, by the way, that wearing a ring gets more attention from females. For some reason, they see you as a challenge. As long as "somebody wants it", it must be good.

It all sounds very silly to me. Your wife sounds controlling to me. If you're the same way, then you need to set a better example. You can't try to control what your spouse does. That is just plain ugly. A spouse isn't like a puppy that you train to do what *you* want.

Maintain your individuality and don't wear the damned ring if you don't want to. You're *not* being unreasonable (at least not on this issue). She is though.

Be nice about it though. Treat her with respect and hear her out but do your own thing. Ya gotta be yourself.

Answer 6

My husband doesn't wear his wedding ring very often. His work makes it a bit dangerous, sometimes, and he never knows what day that will be. He usually wears it on the weekends, or if he goes out of town, with or without me. I wear mine during the week to work, but not as much on the weekends, as mine is pretty fancy and I do not wear it when cleaning or washing dishes, and I forget to put it on when its the weekend, and I am not wearing my watch.

Our bottom line is we trust each other, and no ring is going to prevent cheating and both of us know that. We also know if we cheat, the life we know now is over. I like him wearing the ring, as it shows he is taken, but I am not going to try to make him wear it when he doesn't want to, mostly because I don't want him to make me wear mine when I don't want to.

Sounds like a lack of respect or trust issue, and may determine the way the whole relationship goes.

Answer 7

first off, ask her if she would allow you to pay a hooker to satisfy your request...
next off, a wedding ring in and of itself is a small thing. your married, and should wear it, but if you really are uncomfortable she should respect that.
the "quid pro que" deal, ("i'll wear it if you'll do this") isn't really a good way to negotiate.
you both need to respect the other. no is no.
many people have the problem of not being able to negotiate. sounds like she doesn't/can't negotiate. that can be a problem.

here's some food for thought - if one of you is doing something that other can't stand - and will not give in to the request to stop, does it end the marriage? does the respect in the marriage allow that one will not do unacceptable behavior?

Answer 8

If you don't want to wear a ring - don't...period the end, no more "negotiation". Your bride sounds immature and controlling and NOW is the time for you to put limits on how much she will control things - including you. If this is a deal breaker for her - say goodbye and thank God you got out before it got any worse. I was married to an insanely jealous, frigid, neurotic, inhibited demon from hell for 10 years and finally asserted myself - it was amazing how fast she turned around, but by then it was too late

I have been married for 24 years (wife #2) and very seldom worn a ring. I know I'm married and that's enough for my wife. Wearing a ring never stopped a man from cheating and never stopped a determined female homewrecker from seducing a man who wanted to be taken.

Answer 9

First off, a wedding ring, is a sign of your committed relationship. If you felt so strongly about not wearing a ring, this is something you should have discussed and resolved before marraige.Have you tried wearing your ring around your neck, with a necklace? I am in construction, and cant wear my ring, but to put it on a necklace around my neck, works well. It isnt a principle of mutual respect, you are looking for, you are looking for your wife to give in. I dont think a wedding ring in something that should be compromised.You really should have discussed this before hand. A ring is sacred in a marraige, it is a visible simbol of two peoples commited love. Its a sign of love , respect, commitment, trust, and dedication. Any compromise on it, would have to be still wearing it, but just not on your finger. Try the necklace.

Answer 10

I can understand a male who doesn't wear jewelry to not want to wear some but when it comes to a wedding band I would question his motives. I know some males who wear their wedding band on a chain close to their heart because they just don't wear rings at all. When a male says they won't wear a wedding band at all there is no compromise so of course the compromise isn't working because there isn't one. To ask your wife to do what ever it is you want on the other matter as a compromise to the wedding band is irrelevant. The two things have nothing to do with each other and that is what a compromise is about.