My wife told me 2 months ago that she wanted a divorce, things were getting ugly, both of us saw attorneys, it was really bad. This past Sunday, she came to me and said she was sorry and we started the healing process. There has been numerous physical encounters this week from hugging, kissing, to some of the greatest sex ever. We are going to a Strong Bonds Marriage Retreat in a couple weeks. Everything seemed to be going smooth until she came home from work last night. She said that what has happened this week was foolish and she shouldn't have done it. Says that things are moving too fast.
My question is what is the right pace to reconcile? What do I do, and what do I not do? I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. It's all in her head, her heart is still in love, but her mind keeps overriding those feelings.
2007-01-14 00:42:48 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She said last night that one of her friends (female) ask her if this is what she wanted or if she was doing it because everyone else wants us to stay together. I honestly don't think there is someone else involved in this, so the other guy isn't a motivation for her. She says she was unhappy, and just wants to take care of herself for a while. She is a great wife and mother, and I have let her down over the last 11 years, and have identified most of those deficiencies and am working on correcting them.
The bottom line is how do I procede without going too fast?
2007-01-14 03:50:50 · update #1
just take it slow. i have been going through almost the same thing. all i can say is take your time. i really believe that time heals all wounds. the faster things are rushed, the easier it is to mess things up. just take your time, be cool, and dont rush things.
2007-01-14 01:49:26 · answer #1 · answered by young grown man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-07 16:57:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOT a nut case......a normal woman in love.
Be prepared to take it slow especially until after the two of you have attended the Marriage Retreat. You will both get some valuable guidance there on how to procede.
In the mean time ask yourself this: Would I be willing to spend the rest of my life with this woman if for some reason I knew we would NEVER be able to have sex again? An honest answer to this question will tell you a lot about yourself and the realationship.
2007-01-14 00:50:49 · answer #3 · answered by Puzzler 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, man , it is usually very difficult to say what is your appropriate next move when you are trying to make things do well with your woman - except of course if you r a 007 guy.
Obviously this woman still loves you, and she feels very stressed, both from the problems in your life and the stress of not being able to make a final decision. she feels that when you decided to let go, she had a single option, but now she has to choose, and she feels puzzled, insecure, and under stress.
First to do is to stop pushing her around, most women hate the feeling of being overwhelmed. Let things move on VERY SLOWLY, be patient and persistent.
Start by working on the negative things in your life, what made things go sour in the very beginning, take your responsibility to start by honestly correcting your problems. Give her the feeling that she means a lot to you, and you are sure that you are able to make things up to her.
Of course, that plan has no time limit, at times women take like ages to make a decision, but i think what you two have in between is worth a try
2007-01-14 01:28:39 · answer #4 · answered by Tarek D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know...i find myself in that same boat with my husband, as your wife is with you. You've been hurt so much, til you're confused about what it is you SOULD do about the situation. Yes my/her heart loves him/you, but its like you said all in the head, the mind is as powerful as the heart, infact the heart doesn't thinks its just feels, so its hard to get the two aligned when one has been compromised. I think you sould seek marriage counseling, tht maywork for you. I think the scary thing is being fooled or hurt again, no matter what the situation, no one wants to be tricked, or hurt for the 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th time around.
Just be understanding, flexible, and true to what it is you want, so you can say in the end i tried and im happy i got to see the end result. But Just take things slow, and converse about it, like i said counseling is great for most. I was never the type to enter anybody into my familu issues, but when you are at wits end, try everything before making a decision. Pray to God, he fixes All!!!
may your marriage be blessed,
thanks, you have helped me see how difficult it may be for my husband,and he's reall trying.
2007-01-14 00:54:48 · answer #5 · answered by Beautynbeyond 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
love cant be oneside no matter how we wish i know this is something you dont want to hear but you need to stop and rethink this out i feel thier maybe someone else in her life at this point who tell tell what do what you need to do is pull back and let her come to you she may or may not but throw yourself on her is not the answer i know i been in your shoe with three kids her boy friend keep tell my ex wife that she need to be happy and how i was not good for her and i did as you did i try everything i could to save my married but like i said its was one side good luck ps after i getting marry to a much young wife so there is hope
2007-01-14 02:26:59 · answer #6 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her the time she needs if you push her to make a sound decision when she is in a time of stress she may make the wrong choice and it will affect you and her in the future but most of all she needs to feel like you are with her every step of the way and will love her unconditionally with what ever choice she makes there is this old saying If you truly love something set it free and if it comes back its truly meant to be.
2007-01-17 21:41:06 · answer #7 · answered by crimsion king 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is making her mind override those feelings? Something is turning her mind off, what is it...until that is known or admitted, and then worked through, she may never overcome it. Setting yourself up disappointment if it isn't resolved within herself.
2007-01-14 01:07:13 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg are you my husband i am going through the same thing but i left more than 2 months ago she may just need time to stand on her own if you hurt her like mine did me she is scared and still loves you i mean that's how i feel but they say time heels all wounds i guess we will see
2007-01-14 04:48:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure that there isn't someone else? I think it sounds like she's feeling guilt about being physical with you, because she'd be cheating on the other guy.
2007-01-14 01:24:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋