My partner is in rehab for alcohol abuse and has been there for one week. I spoke to him on friday and he seemed really good and a bit happy and said he still loved me. When I spoke to him today he was very cold towards me like I was nothing and still put blame on to me regarding his drinking even from very early on when we were only friends. And when I asked him if he still loved me he said that he couldn't say what he didn't feel and that he likes me. What is going on and he said he has never felt comfortable with me however when he was here he would tell me he loved living here and loved living with me? Why the change and why is he treating me like this? I have stuck by him through everything.
2007-01-13 23:39:56 · 9 answers · asked by Gail O 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is going through withdrawls and probably does not mean what he is saying. I would limit contact with him for a while or it could hurt your relationship. Good luck
2007-01-13 23:45:45 · answer #1 · answered by kelsey 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He's just dealing with alcohol withdrawl. You should start working with a counsellor soon, both alone and together. While some groups can help you with your situation I think that other groups play the whole co-dependency dependency thing a bit too much as these sorts of personalities do not apply to everyone in such situations. Find a program that can help you for who you are instead of some pre-packaged assumption and don't get caught up in the 'well they are experts' thing because even experts can be wrong if they are lazy or assumptuous enough. Good luck!
2007-01-14 08:17:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, hon, the man is in rehab. I would think that this should be a sacred time when he can fight his demons without worrying about how you feel. I'd let him have that time. Just call and tell him you respect what he is doing and you are going to wait for him to contact you when he feels he can do that. Then go about your life. He can't give you valid answers to your questions because he is just trying to survive the day. Leave him alone. Trust that he has the stregnth to work this out, and wait for that better man he is trying to become.
2007-01-14 08:17:37 · answer #3 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now is not the time to for questioning the love. Your partner is finally trying to get back to being himself. He can't be worried about you right now. The focus needs to be on his recovery. You maybe should attend an Alanon meeting to try and get an understanding of all of this. In order to have a chance at wanting to make this work, you need to be supportive. He's probably suffering from alcohol withdrawl. I'm sure his body has developed a physical dependence to the alcohol, so without it, mood swings (irritability) would be common.
2007-01-14 07:50:12 · answer #4 · answered by zimmiesgrl 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
In a nutshell: An alcoholic is never a partner, but a dependent, and you were his codependent. They do not love themselves, and therefore cannot love you. Now that he has dried out, his true feelings are coming to the surface. He was living with you, you weren't living together. You need to find a better way of life. Al-Anon will help you.
"For over 50 years, Al-Anon (which includes Alateen for younger members) has been offering hope and help to families and friends of alcoholics. It is estimated that each alcoholic affects the lives of at least four other people... alcoholism is truly a family disease. No matter what relationship you have with an alcoholic, whether they are still drinking or not, all who have been affected by someone else’s drinking can find solutions that lead to serenity in the Al-Anon/Alateen fellowship.
How will Al-Anon help me?
Many who come to Al-Anon/Alateen are in despair, feeling hopeless, unable to believe that things can ever change. We want our lives to be different, but nothing we have done has brought about change. We all come to Al-Anon because we want and need help.
In Al-Anon and Alateen, members share their own experience, strength, and hope with each other. You will meet others who share your feelings and frustrations, if not your exact situation. We come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not."
How do I find a meeting?
Al-Anon may be listed in the white pages of your local telephone directory. Cities with local information services are listed on our Web site. Many of those listed post meeting information on their Web sites. For meeting information in Canada, the US, and Puerto Rico you can call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday through Friday, 8:00am to 6:00pm ET.
2007-01-14 07:56:03 · answer #5 · answered by Venus 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You poor lady...my heart can feel yr hurt. Yr partner is in rehabilitation as he has an physical, emotional and psychological addiction to alcohol. At the moment he cannot deal with his own feelings, even his thoughts, we cannot expect him to deal with yrs. Additionally he is confused as the physical alterations of withdrawals would have an significant impact in all areas mentioned above. You will find that his emotions will swing from happy to guilt, despair, anger, committing to the programme to giving it up, seeing light at end of tunnel to not etc. you obviously love him deeply to have stayed by his side like this, and he must love you to have enrolled to get help! Approach these people and get some counselling, the programme he is enrolled in will give you a support group to help you through this tough time…don’t give up on him! Good luck
2007-01-14 07:53:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
alcoholics tend to blame everyone but themselves. He's got to go through all the emotions. Wait until he gets out of rehab before you make any decision. you should find an alanon group they will help you understand what he is going through.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html
2007-01-14 07:45:29 · answer #7 · answered by Pandora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's going through detox and is craving alcohol. To not have any is making him grouchy. Give him time, he needs to get it out of his system.
2007-01-14 07:42:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
if you stuck by your man this long ....thats amazing...Dont give up before the miracle ...
2007-01-14 08:05:22 · answer #9 · answered by klunk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋