How long should you ground your child for stealing, lying and to what extent should they be grounded?

Question

We have grounded our 15 year old son for stealing my VERY valuable coin collection. One coin was worth at least $1100.00. He stole in excess of $20,000 worth of coins. We were unable to get most of them back. We grounded him from EVERYTHING. As well as made him pay back some of the money. (He'll never be able to pay back the full value) During the grounding though we found out he was sneaking around and doing things he was NOT allowed to do. When caught he lied even after he was busted and there was no way out he tried to maintain the lie. He has been grounded for about 6 weeks now and continues to sneak around. His grades are TERRIBLE, we had him drug tested and it was negative. We control where he goes and with whom. (Which is nowhere unless with us) We are at our witts end.... Any brilliant ideas?

Now that I found the link let me add a few details. #1, he had NO idea of the value of the coins. (no excuse, he still stole them) #2 We attend church regularly in fact my father is a preacher. #3 He is well aware that boot camp is on the near horizon in fact grades went in on Friday and if he hasn't brought his grades up it's boot camp. He and his dad shook on this deal 3 weeks ago.

Since bootcamp is something we have looked into. I guess my question would be IF he HAS brought his grades up then the deal about bootcamp would be off. What would the suggestion be then?

Answer 1

Usually, I am the one who come on and says at this point, "here is a child that needs to be whipped like he stole something". He did steal!, so what now. At fifteen, a whoopin' probably won't do him much good, because legally you can't whip him to the degree that he realizes that I better not do that again.

So to answer your question, it is time for him to get a job, and (I'm sorry for disagreeing with you, he will have his wages garnished to the full extent of the value of what he stole.) Having him understand how the real world works may help him.

Before doing this, I would find out the statute of limitation in your area because if his attitude doesn't straighten out, I'd press charges. If he is lying and not owning up to his responsibility, go through the legal process with him to show what happens to criminals. Not scared straight, but real justice. He's fifteen, and his record can be expunged at 18 or 21, but he needs to know that there are consequences.

And for all who thinks that is too tough for him, consider the alternative. He breaks in someone else's house and steals $20K of stuff, and gets shot and killed.

BTW-While incarcerated, he can receive counseling too.

Answer 2

Some time kids get past the point where grounding bothers them. It is like, oh well, this will pass and I can go back to doing what I was doing before.

I suggest you keep up the controlling what and where he goes and what he does.

I also suggest you and the family get into counsling, fast. He is acting out and you need to find out why. Or this will get worse. For him and for you . If he sees no problem steeling 20 thousand from you what will he do next.?

Is he old enough to drive.? Does he have an after school job.? If no job then I would find things for him to do the minute he comes home to the minute he goes to sleep. An after school tutor, Making him work for free at an old age home. Making him get a part time job any where he can. But still giving him an alowance with the money he makes at work while putting the rest in the bank. This will give him a purpose other then stealing.

Good Luck and remember the counsling idea if nothing else.

When he ever ask for a car tell him very nicely that you would have been able to buy him a car but he stole the means for you to buy it with the coins stole. Do not say it over and over again or it to will get old and stop being a punishment. Make him buy his own car. Or at least pay for most of it.

If you are in the state you as a parent can make him wear an ankle monitor, You can see that he is on house arrest with out getting in front of a judge.

At that age most teens will lie to god even if caught. I think it is hormonal.

Answer 3

well i'm assuming you're understanding grounding's not working. and either is your knowing where and who he's with, or you would not be missing your coins, or would not have discovered he was sneaking around. you need to address this problem with a counselor. this is not just normal teenage behavoir. someone is missing something here. now as for being at your wits end. now you have the right. maybe you can post this to the woman who was at her wits end because her 5 week old was crying, lol. but seriuosly, right now the more you try to control him the more he's going to rebel. now i'm not saying let him do as he pleases by any means. you need to seek outside help and find out what is going on, and why he's doing these things. sounds like you can take away everything and it's not helping. it's time to call in extra professional help. good luck.



my suggestion, forget boot camp. military school!

Answer 4

As i am only a 16yr old my self i dont really know the answer to that but i have had alot of life experience for someone my age and i just want to say that although all of this is happening dont forget you own life, dont get too stressed (easier said than done) have some alone time doing something you enjoy that takes your mind of things and remember your marriage. I know a friend who caused her parents alot of stress and they were on the verge of divorce because they could not deal wioth it.

Maybe try and sit him down with his father, your self, your father and teacher and or prinicple and if the school has one, a behaviour management teacher. Try and compromise and come up with an agreement to which he agrees with.

Hang in there, teenagers go through these stages as a part of growing up but when they become more mature and grow up and have a family of their own they want someone there for them and they need the support of loved ones. Life is full of mistakes but with a little help from a loved one they can be reduced and resolved.

You are very brave and i wish you all the luck

Best wishes my heart and prayer goes out to you, your husband and your son. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!! Dont let go you can make it and remember Relax Time for your self.
And dont make your problems into all about your husband, Thats what my friends mum did, remember he is stressed too.

Stay strong and keep praying god bless you and your family xoxoxoxoxo
xoxoxo

Answer 5

I'm not a big fan of grounding because it essentially becomes your punishment, not his. For something like that I would definately have called the police and had him arrested. He needs to understand the real consequences of theft. You can't expect a 15 y.o. to just sit around the house with nothing and I think you've made the mistake of going ALL the way at one time. Now you have no real ability to ratchet up the punishment. I sense also that he feels no remorse, which is the biggest problem of all. Did you take him to church? Probably not. He needs to find a sense of spirituality which leads to moral behavior, but short of that you should have had this kid taken to jail in the very first place and push it all the way so that he experiences real life NOW before prison is a reality.

One option would be to back off of the TOTAL punishment but tell him you've decided to press charges since it doesn't appear he's getting the message. Call the police ahead of time and tell them your situation and that you need to try to help your kid and see what options you have with them. The nature of your punishment gives him no ability to reconcile.

If your family isn't going to church, shame on you for not giving your kids spirituality. You could start and drag him along. God will do the work from there.

Answer 6

Im sorry to sound like a total cow but boot camp is the way to go, if he were only 3 years older he would have had jail time for stealing $20,000 worth of goods, thats a huge amount and i cant blame you for being extremly mad, my step brother went to boot camp and they really kick him into gear, its hard to let them go and they make u feel as guilty as hell but most of them come back a changed boy. They do not belive is physical voilence so he wont be getting kicked around or anything like that.
I dont have a teenage son so i dont really have thw right to answer this question my son has many years till highschool, but i do have 2 brothers (17 and 15) who acted very much the same.

Answer 7

I can feel your pain on both ends. I am a retired coin dealer so I know what a loss this was for you. I now work in loss prevention and know some about the stealing part. The best way to handle this will be through communication. Getting your son to talk openly about what is really going on in his life. Remember that the coins can be replaced but his young life can not. For his sake....TALK.

Answer 8

I would have had his behind in boot camp from day one. He needs to be scared straight. You let him off to easily. Whether he knew the actual value or not he was wrong, besides I would find out if I had any legal action against whom ever he sold the collection to. he needs to learn now the consequences of his actions before it's to late.

Answer 9

lots of communities have those "scared stait" programs or boot camp type deals. his actions a re uncalled for and are probaly a sign that he is committing some other type of offenses. what 15 year old need $20K. You need to seriously question his motives and he needs help. If he is starting his offenses this big only God knows what kinds of criminal offense he could be committingby 21. Thats if he isn't in jail by than.

Answer 10

You need to enforce like the death penalty of grounding. you need to drive him to school, then, let him out, and in your CHIRPIEST VOICE, yell, "bye "blank!" honey, have an AWESOME DAY! i looooooove you." but you need to ground him big time. no computer, tv, no electronics at all. not even for homework. has he ever heard of the library? pick him up from school, drop him off at school. he goes to school and no where else. just because he's a minor doesn't mean he shouldn't get a taste of real punishment. stay with him at home. if thats not convinient, hire a nanny. he broke 2 of the 10 commandments. Thou shall not steal, thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor, and he probably broke a third one, thou shall respect thy mother and thy father, and thou shall have a long life. those are jewish, so like, i don't know if you are, but they really only state the right thing. get him a tutor, and be in the library, with you at like the next shelf over. it takes a lot of supervision, which isn't always possible. anyway, best of luck *hearts*