This girl I know was raped by her father in middle school. Now she seems normal, isn't scared to be friends with guys and such. I know she hasnt had actual sex yet but she does some fetish things like getting paddled. She also described her vision of a guy acting dominant over her. Is this right for someone that has been through rape?
Reason I ask is because I do love her, not for any sexual reason but she has a nice personality and such. She knows I do but only considures me as a friend. I am fine only being that role but I still do my best to look out and care for her. Plus I also went through rape when I was younger and still don't like certain situations or actions from guys.
2007-01-13 21:44:21 · 7 answers · asked by rezruf 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Good Question!!!
Fares Al-Sagri
2007-01-13 21:51:37 · answer #1 · answered by fox 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I doubt her fantasy of a dominant guy and enjoyment of paddling are caused by her rape experience. Many women have sexual fantasies about a dominant guy. This doesn't mean that they'd want it to happen in real life though; that's why it's just a fantasy. In psychology, only a sexual obsession with an inanimate object can be called a fetish. I doubt that she obsessed with getting paddled; she probably just enjoys it during certain situations.
I think she falls within the normal range. It seems like her past isn't in the way of her present life, whereas you're still uncomfortable because of your past. It's good to protect yourself from harm, but if you're paranoid about harmless actions from guys, then your interactions with guys will probably be awkward and tense.
2007-01-14 07:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being active in the BDSM community, I have to admit that I've known several people in the community who have recounted stories of abuse in their lives. However, that doesn't mean that it in any way contributed to their current interests. Personally, I see a few possibilities in this situation.
A part of her mind could have convinced her in light of her rape that she "deserves" such treatment, and should be punished. This is a very unhealthy attitude to carry into the BDSM world, as it leads a person to try things that are dangerous and beyond what is commonly accepted in the BDSM lifestyle. I knew one lady that held this belief of herself, and admitted to me that she once let a Dominant hang her because of it. Fortunately, she hasn't seen this person again, and I warned her not to if she could help it. Find out if your friend practices any kind of self-punishment, like cutting or self-mutilation. This would be a good sign that this is what drives her interests, and she should get help.
Another possibility is that her attack awakened something in her that she didn't know that she found arousing. While rape or sexual abuse is nonconsensual and frightening, a person might realize that some aspect of it, when replayed in their mind, is actually of great interest to them, so they seek out a means to practice those elements in a manner that is consensual and safe. If that's the case, then just leave her be, because she's making a distinction between willing and unwilling. As long as her practices are consensual and safe, she can do as she wants.
Finally, it could be that the attack and her kink are completely unrelated. When I was in sixth grade, I was abused by my older brother. However, my current interests are as the Dominant, and not as a submissive. I suppose that one could argue that my kink grew out of a resentment of what was done to me and a need for control in light of it. However, I had fantasies about neighborhood girls being spanked by their parents years before the incident. These fantasies always included them being nude, which is how I know that this was a precursor to my current interests. I can truthfully say that my desire to have a pretty young lady across my knees for a spanking is a part of who I am, and not affected by anything that happened because of abuse.
I don't know if any of these will help you, but feel free to message or email me if you have questions.
2007-01-14 10:00:30 · answer #3 · answered by baka_otaku30 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't wanna lay anything heavy on ya! But let's look at the possibility that this Young Child, has found GOD, and all of HIS Glory. And found comfort in forgiving those that do harm. It may even work for you. Too Many times, we hear GOD. And every one runs to the hills. HE's there. And HE's really wantin' to help. As far as you and her? Let her grow up. She'll see that Friendship, is the cure. Love will be the result. Be Patient.
2007-01-14 05:53:29 · answer #4 · answered by Goggles 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
i'm not sure if its normal but I was raped a few years ago and i have noticed that i want men to dominate me and i content in abusive relationships
2007-01-14 06:47:43 · answer #5 · answered by Panda Baby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its normal my wife was assulted at a young age i wouldnt have known if she hadnt told me but over time she learned to put it behind her and move on your friend has done the same if she wants to talk ,listen otherwise just be yourself she will let you know what feels right
2007-01-14 05:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by edward m 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's connected with the rape. She seems to be born sick like that.
2007-01-14 06:51:54 · answer #7 · answered by Buchyex 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋