home with him on long holidays or the weekend,what do i do? Ps im sociable he hisnt,im so fed up when he talks to me like 1 of his pupils
2007-01-13 21:35:04 · 30 answers · asked by cinders 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do something shocking, surprising, kinky
you may get the response you want
2007-01-13 21:39:42 · answer #1 · answered by steven m 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
One of the issues couples face when they've been together for a long time is how to interact with one another when their children are no longer living at home and/or commanding a significant share of their time.
One of the things you probably need to do is rediscover yourselves as a couple. Maybe take weekend trips together or try doing some of the things you couldn't do while you had kids at home.
Maybe you need to go to counseling together. I know it sounds like a cleche, but sometimes a neutral observer can help you see what the actual problems are. I'm guessing part of it is you are used to running kids back and forth to school, cooking breakfast and dinner, and just being a mom. If both of your kids are out of the house, you may be feeling a void in your life.
As for how your husband speaks to you, have you actually confronted him about this at a time when you are both calm rather than in the middle of an argument. I'm not taking sides, but being a teacher your husband has to maintain a certain presence for 8 hours a day 5 days a week - and interacting with kids is much different from interacting with adults. Maybe he hasn't ever learned how to properly turn off his teacher persona.
Best wishes in finding a solution that makes you both happy.
2007-01-14 05:49:19 · answer #2 · answered by Justin H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Role play time now----Dress up like Brittney spears in that little catholic girl skirt and knee socks outfit. Do the little Spears dance of "hit me one more time"....Visual yourself so that the role play mode can be right on. or----
Seriously sit your spouse down and just communicate to him...You're an adult---his wife of 14 years and you don't like being talked to in his teacher mode voice. Treat you like a wife or the consequences will not be sending him to the principals office it'll be DIVORCE COURT-----Couples communications counseling might also help. Tell him you want to do things together on the weekends or long holidays but there has got to be some communicative and compatibility factors factored into what you're calling a marriage. Maybe on these long holidays you both could take a trip somewhere together.
Sounds like you're both in a rut and need change. Think to yourself.....was he non social before you married or was this a recent change in the 14 yr duration of your marriage where now it's in a full blow anti-social mode?
If things don't change for the better---then strike up your own friendships, social life, etc. When he's being left all alone for lengthy weekends and long holidays maybe then he'll open his non-social eyes and LQQK and C what he's missing.
2007-01-14 06:53:47 · answer #3 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man sounds like you guys had a hot sex life in the beginning, and kids followed too soon after, and you guys didn't have a chance to enjoy things. Well that is life, after the kids are of age , people start moving in different directions, because they lose direction , usually children offer incentives to stay together, and when they are gone, the ship goes way off course. If you want to save the marriage, if you haven't cheated on him already that is? Of course you will not tell the whole truth to a bunch of strangers, especially if your husband uses Yahoo, then he will find some things about you:you may want to move like a lot of women do, they find a new guy and usually that relationship never works because you are looking for a man for all the wrong reasons. So I think you should get it together, and make up your mind to stay in there and work with him, or give up and move on your own.
2007-01-14 05:56:35 · answer #4 · answered by brandley_1999 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let's address the tone. When he talks to you like you're one of his students, say, "Hon, do you realize you just said, "Quote". Would you mind not doing that?" and say it every time he does it.
As far as social tendencies, go ahead and schedule your fun. Let him know...Saturday night you and whomever are getting together to go see a movie and have dinner. Invite him along. Should he decline, let it go, just say, "Okay."
Take an objective look at your man. What would make him attractive to another woman? Does he have a great smile, or is there a tone in his voice that just melts you sometimes? Remember when you wanted to share intimacies with him. Remind him of the person he can be when he focuses a bit on you. Tell him the things you note that you admire. Let his negatives go and focus on the man he was when he gave you so much attention. He sounds like he's stuck in the rut. As a good wife, you might want to help him out.....
2007-01-14 07:52:12 · answer #5 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Cinderella,
This isn't Disneyland, this is life, you shouldn't have married a teacher; I think you stopped learning about 14 years ago and you've taken the free ride. Get off of the ride and go home to mommy and daddy. You're still a child living in a fantasy land. I'd bet you don't have sex with him either and if you do it's a get on and off of the ride type of arrangement. You have no respect for a person who is trying to be a good influence on his students and no respect for him either. Me, me, me! I can tell you are a spoiled little brat who doesn't appreciate a good man. You need to start listening and quit being such a spoiled little baby. Appreciate what you have or get out, one of the two. Better yet, get out! You'll be doing him a big favor and you won't drag him down with your spoiled attitude.
2007-01-14 06:29:49 · answer #6 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you've forgotten why you married him in the first place. There must be something you liked about him, or liked to do with him. Try to remember what made you feel special when you first started going out with him. Now that your kids are grown, you and your husband have to form a relationship as a couple, not just as parents. You could try a new hobby together, or start going out dancing, or take little weekend trips to places nearby that you've always wanted to go.
Sometimes I worry that my husband and I won't have anything in common once our kids are grown up. Sometimes I even keep a little list of things I like about him, just to remind me...but I keep tearing it up whenever I have PMS.
2007-01-14 05:42:38 · answer #7 · answered by Judi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought of going back to college, get your degree and/or just take some fun classes. Anything is better than just being home.
I feel for ya. I retired from the Navy after 32 years, my wife is some high level government official. When she's home she talks down to me like i'm one of her freeking subordinates, or one of her defendants in a case. like i'm a piece of sh*it or something.
My opinion on any subject means nothing to her. Yet she talks of doing things with each other when she retires.
Frankly, when she retires i'm going to be long gone. I'm a crusty old Bastar*d and i don't tolerate being talked to as if i was nobody.
Sit that jerk down and tell him how you feel, and also tell him that things better change real quick or you'll divorce him. See what happens then
2007-01-14 05:55:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why not find something you can both do? Hillwalking with a group, that way he is still with you, but you have others to talk to. What about learning to dance? Try some form of class together but with other people there, so you're not stuck talking to him alone. You need to look inside yourself though too and ask what you really want from now on. Good luck with whatever you do though.
2007-01-14 05:40:38 · answer #9 · answered by muggle 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's an interesting perspective - I'm a teacher myself, and I often wonder whether people see the mannerisms coming out when you don't want them to. I'll bear that in mind, thanks!
If I were you, I would just tell him straight that he is annoying you, and see if you can come up with a solution. Good luck!
2007-01-14 05:49:00 · answer #10 · answered by Funky Little Spacegirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like ya'll are growing apart- sometimes that happens-- first ya'll need to have a heart to heart talk with him about the way you feel over this and second maybe a little break works wonders not saying to jump on anything that comes along ( for him too ) but just a break sometimes works and makes you realize what ya'll have together and if it doesn't it will be that much easier too go separate ways
2007-01-14 05:42:37 · answer #11 · answered by Ladder Captain-29 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋