My girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 18 months. Most of it has been good, but we tend to fight some about the fact she's in the closet. I've been out to my family and friends since I was 15 (I'm 22 now) and they have completely embraced her in my life; my family LOVES her and say she's a 'keeper'.
But the door is only open one way.
Although she has told about 3-4 close friends about us, she has told me that she will never tell her family about us. When we go out, she will walk in front or behind me, but never with me. And she can invite herself to hang out with me and my friends, but I'm never invited to go out with her and hers. Most of our relationship is kept behind closed doors.
I know she loves me very much, but every time I try to talk to her about it, she says she will change but never does.
I feel I'm putting more into this relationship than I am getting in return.
Is hiding in the closet a real issue to break up over? Or am I just being selfish?
2007-01-13 18:45:48 · 9 answers · asked by blusunshyn3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think that you are unhappy because she has proclaimed that she will never tell her family about you.. While yes maybe her family are set againtst it but you need to tell her the truth how can you be in a loving relationship that is full of secrets and lies! You know that you love her but she has to be honest with her family eventually not only to be fair too you but to herself as well. She cant go around hiding for the rest of her life. If she does that will only bring more stress in to the relationship.. .
Just let her know that you love her but you want to be able to show the world that you love her and she loves you just the same. And that you are tired of hiding! Ask her why does she fear coming out to her family. This way you can hear her out and maybe yall can meet at an happy median..
2007-01-13 18:53:11 · answer #1 · answered by Amazing_clarity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not selfish at all. Relationship are about giving. When you run out of something to give, it may be time to start looking elsewhere. You might try talking to her and telling her just what you wrote here. Let her know that you are a person with feelings and when she doesn't walk with you, it hurts you. Tell her that it hurts you that she won't tell her family about you.
If she refuses, you may want to consider moving on because this relationship is becoming very one-way. And yes, you are putting in more than you are getting back.
2007-01-14 02:52:49 · answer #2 · answered by David L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love her, wait until she is ready. there are alot of people that would criticize/shun her for this and sounds like some many be her family/friends. she is true with you, not with them. She will have to eventually be honest and see who does and does not accept her but will need to do this on her own time. If you love her help her to be strong and not care so much what other people think. Eventually she will come out.
2007-01-14 02:51:43 · answer #3 · answered by surfer_grl_ca 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...very difficult question? have you talked to your family about it they sound like an open loving family, maybe she is not as blessed as you, I don't think her issue is with you it's with upbringing, i can't help but feel sad for her, maybe there is another way you could help her get to that point maybe slower, one babystep at a time try asking her what her fears are and try to deal with those first
2007-01-14 02:53:13 · answer #4 · answered by melissa s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I aggree with Crimson_t on this issue.
If the two of you cannot reach an agreement, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship
Wishing you the best.
2007-01-14 15:40:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur girlfriend is trapped in the closet lmfao sry its from and episode of south park: "scientology" and r kelly's song =] ok anyways yeah i think your girlfriend either is not allowed to date or is embarrased to be with you. ask her about her parents or if she is..if she does not tell you the answer to your question or changes the subject BREAK UP WITH HER
2007-01-14 03:07:04 · answer #6 · answered by hollicrombie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would discuss this with her.
ask her why she insists on hiding.
if she can not give you a reasonable answer, follow your intuition
2007-01-14 02:49:35 · answer #7 · answered by crimson_tears_of_the_goddess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs to come out. she is ashamed of who she really is.
2007-01-14 02:50:25 · answer #8 · answered by nomorepblm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say it is a good reason to brak up because it is not fair wat she is doin break up wit her u dont deserve dat
2007-01-14 02:51:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋