i have been dating this guy for a year almost and was wondering how would i know if he is the one just by loving him? shouldnt there be more to it then just love?
2007-01-13 18:42:24 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Marriage isn't about the "goosebumps" and "heart skipping a beat" crap. You only really get that in the very beginning of the relationship before things settle into a pattern. Marriage is about all of the day-to-day mundane things.
ANYONE can maintain a good relationship during the "good times" when everyone is happy and has limited stress. What about when you lose your job? You have an unexpected pregnancy? You have an accident and walk out with huge medical bills?
I don't believe in soul mates of having "the one" even though I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year (anniversary is January 20th) and we live together. I love him a lot and do expect that we will probably get married some day, but I don't want that to be my goal out of the relationship. The people that do have marriage as their overall goal are willing to put up with more things and turn the other way when things happen because they don't want to risk losing their other half of the wedding party. This is not right. If you can't be yourself (and that includes confronting someone when they step on your toes) then you're not going to have a healthy, strong marriage.
A lot of people seem to have the goal of ANY marriage; they're not willing to hold out for a good one.
I used to be really excited about the whole marriage idea until I figured out that what I was so excited about wasn't so much the day-to-day living together (because we already do that) so much as it just was the romance of the wedding day. Unfortunately I think that a lot of people feel that way as well, and it's not until you live with someone that you see it's not all roses and hearts. I don't want to sound too cynical, I love my boyfriend very much and wouldn't trade him for the world, but I also know that the only difference between us right now as it is and us as a married couple is a signed piece of paper. You can get married without the ceremony, but very few people want to do that. Why? Because it's all about going into debt buying that perfect dress.
I will be doing that someday (debt and all), but I suggest that people take a step back and look at what it is they're really interested in. Living with someone day-to-day is wonderful but it's not poetic. I greatly suggest that people live together before getting married to
A) see if you really CAN live with someone (better before the wedding than after)
B) avoid the post-wedding shock when you find out how the stupid little things in life annoy you. Maybe he wants his towels folded a different way or refuses to put the toilet seat down or leaves his nail clippings hanging around instead of throwing them out or leaves the cap off of his toothpaste. Yes, they're very insignificant details but people seriously break up over them because they get tired of being confronted with it day-to-day, so they argue and it builds resentment. They're a lot easier to ignore or overlook and hope/assume he'll change when you're not living together.
There's more about all of this than I can even talk about on here but that's a good basic idea. My suggestion is that if you want to take that next step, move in together. If you're too young to do that then you're too young to be asking the question.
2007-01-13 19:23:07 · answer #1 · answered by Jezebel888 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is. Does he make your heart skip a beat? does he give you goosebumps? Can you think of no better place to be than his arms? When you look in his eyes can you see the future? have you daydreamed what a good husband/father/friend he would be? can you picture beig with him in 60 years and still be smiling?
If he is your soulmate, that;s how you feel.You can love many people, but there is only one true love. Don't settle for less.
2007-01-14 02:46:12 · answer #2 · answered by surfer_grl_ca 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Live with the guy for about a year and if you can make it that long and still love him and put up with all his annoying crap then you have a pretty good shot at making it. But you also have to be yourself in front of him. Farts and all!!
2007-01-14 02:47:28 · answer #3 · answered by diana h 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will know if he is the one once you accept that he is the one and feel that he is the right one. Youll know becuz ONLY you can tell if he is the guy for you.
2007-01-14 02:46:28 · answer #4 · answered by Cornelia Anabelle Banana Bo Peep 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if hes putted up with you for a year and hasent got "any" he proboly loves you, after a year he would of left
2007-01-14 02:44:16 · answer #5 · answered by Trevor159 I 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...but is he loving toward you? Does he care if youre not doing well? Does he have you foremost in his mind - moreso than the "big ball game?"
2007-01-14 02:47:51 · answer #6 · answered by rokdude5 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you dont have to ask questions like that.
2007-01-14 03:16:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you just can't see yourself with anyone else but him.
2007-01-14 02:48:11 · answer #8 · answered by ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋