We fight all the time and he refuses to sit down and talk to me about any of our problems...well talk about anything really. You name it, we fight about it... he simply refuses to sit down and talk to me. I've asked him to book a counselling session to show me that he cares enough to fix "us" and he never booked it. Is this a lost cause? I have told him that I want a divorce if things don't change and he doesn't start talking to me. I am so lonely in this marriage. This is certainly not what I signed on for. He won't talk to me about anything.. no "how was your day?" Nothing. I've tried everything I know to get him to talk to me. Is there any way to get him to open up and talk to me? Or is this the end of the road? I don't want to leave, I do still love him but I can not live my life like this forever. I want to know what can I do or say to get him to open up and talk about our problems? There is so much anger and frustration and it is just getting worse and worse. Help!!
2007-01-13 18:40:41 · 7 answers · asked by michellecdnd 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, it is time to take the bull by the horns, look him in the EYES and make it perfectly understood what you are feeling . Explain to him that you are at the end of your rope and need his help to make things change . Go to counseling , Make Your Own Appointment , even if you have to start out going alone . You need a safe back up just in case there is a problem with the anger issue . Concentrate on you and doing the best that you can and find satisfaction in yourself . After you have found that , you will be able to decide where YOUR LIFE IS GOING. Whether it be with him or without him . Take Care , You have more will than you think .
2007-01-13 19:21:40 · answer #1 · answered by iambettyboop 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you're feeling. Sometimes the pace from life makes it easy to ignore your problems.
I'm not making excuses for him, but it seems like he's just as fed up as you are. Both of you know that you've committed to each other, but you're not able to sit down and work out your problems together. It's probably because you both have grown independent from one another. After all the bad fights, you've learned how to cope with it on your own and move on. Independence from sharing your feelings is a relationship's worst enemy. Relationships are built on a completely different premise involving open communication and respect. Once you've lost both, it takes an enormous amount of effort by both partners at the same time to pull out of it.
"Telling" him to book a counseling session as a test of his devotion isn't right. You've got to do your part and bring back some of that respect. Show him that you miss how things used to be. Don't threaten ultimatums. Give in to the point where you don't let the little stuff escalate into a fight. It may seem impossible, but you have to try if you want to save your marriage. After putting in all that effort, you'll have a chance to really see how's he's going to react. Either it will make him feel a bit guilty or selfish about the way he's being, or you won't notice any change at all. That's when you know if it's worth holding onto. Hopefully he comes to his senses and decides to have a long talk...
I wish you the best, and I hope you find a way to work things out.
2007-01-13 18:52:32 · answer #2 · answered by SirCharles 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hello,
In my experience I learned that the best way to deal with delicate issues or problems in a relationship is to write a letter. It really works because you don't get into arguments in between, meaning that he/she doesn't interrupt when you are talking. When you write a letter expressing how you feel and what you want you get all of his/her attention.
Give him the letter when he is quiet, not when he's obfuscated. Let him think about it for a day or two and if he doesn't get back at you after those two days, approach him and ask him to talk to you and give you an answer regarding that letter.
Ask him to put himself in your situation and tell him to treat you as he wants to be treated.
I did the same thing with my wife plus I told her that I don't really want to get the divorce because I love her but I would if I have to because I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. fortunately for me it worked.
Best Wishes.
2007-01-13 19:15:29 · answer #3 · answered by Eduardo S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does talk you just don't listen, he just isn't saying what you want to hear. so your question should be," How do I get my husband to say what I want him too"? If he wasn't talking you, you wouldn't be fighting. Your problem is that you want to control him and you aren't able to do that. You need to seek help for that. You are trying to force issues with ultimatums, you will lose, you will lose all hope for that marriage.
2007-01-13 18:54:36 · answer #4 · answered by brp_13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't try to work out problems when he is tired or upset, timing is quite important . he is just as angry and upset, in his own way. need some counseling so why don't u set it up, he may care but something is blocking it. got to ask him what the problem is.
2007-01-13 21:34:38 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is a wonderful book called "What Could He Be Thinking?, How a Mans Mind Really Works" by Michael Gurian. I read it and it really opened my eyes about how men see everything in life pretty much differently than we women do. I recommend all women read it.
2007-01-13 18:50:11 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. Taf 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your marriage is over ............
2007-01-13 18:51:00 · answer #7 · answered by lilly l 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋