I wrote this poem quite awhile ago, I just read over it and am interested in what people think of it. Thanks!
Trapped within the devil's flames
I felt I couldn't leave
I could feel the fire getting hot
But I did not want to believe
The heat was rising
And the smoke got thick
Too scared to leave
It was some sort of trick
I saw the sign...EXIT
Big and Bold
But I did not want it
Or so I was told
In the end, I had no choice
I had to leave the flames
I was just too tired
Of playing the devil's games
Jesus was the EXIT
God's only son
He came to fight the fires
For everyone
He stood at the EXIT
I finally let Him in
Thanks to Him, my Savior
I won't fight the flames again
2007-01-13 18:02:24 · 6 answers · asked by followmyleader1 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
i really like your poem's theme but i can't help thinking that it doesn't really flow. It's just that there's no real rhythm and i really like poems with that rhythm, otherwise it's ni
2007-01-13 18:18:35 · answer #1 · answered by qwerty u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I took a creative writing course and the majority of it was in poetry. Rhyming poetry is okay and all, but modern poetry doesn't use a lot of rhyming and honestly you can express yourself a whole lot better without the limits of rhyme. Imagery is big in poetry. Try it some time.
This would poem would be good set to music, I think.
2007-01-13 18:13:56 · answer #2 · answered by KatyScarlett 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're expressing a similar experience that I went through. The poem is a tad simplistic in its rhyme scheme but, hey, I've been there and I feel the same way you do!
2007-01-13 18:08:44 · answer #3 · answered by Babs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm sounds pretty good but one thing. you say you are in the flames and you dont want to leave. i dont understand that part, because when jesus comes, you are saved but you said you didnt want to be saved. did you just not realize what was out there? was the flames something bad like drugs or somethign that you felt liek you couldnt stop? hmmm. and the last sentance you say you wont fight the flames again. in your poem you were never fighting the flames in the first place becuase you said you just sat in there. jesus cxame and faught the flames for you. hmm maybe I just dont understand it myself. i dont know, otehr than that its pretty good, i kinda like the flow of it all.
2007-01-13 18:12:44 · answer #4 · answered by thecoolguy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it's a well crafted poem.
the word-choice and rhyme scheme are a bit simple but the poem is still quite good.
great job. all i could suggest is some other words.
2007-01-13 18:15:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
honestly i think it suks. hey you wanted my opinion. tempo is all wrong. too much emphasis on rhyming. need to think about meter.
2007-01-13 18:16:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋