Im having problems with my friend! Please read! Am i totally mean fo thinking this about my best friend? help!

Question

ok my best friend for 1 year is kianna. ive been thinking really mean things about her and i feel so cruel inside. the story is: i made friends with kianna (kia) early in 2006 when i started high school. we were good friends but had little in common. i was new in the school and we were both loners and hung in the library everyday for a couple months. i made new friends with this girl called meghan (meg) in my drama class and i made friends with her best friend, emma. emma, meg and kia are in the same class and meg and emma really dont like kia. i started hanging out with meg and emma because (im a bit overweigh) they were funny, made me feel confident and were really great friends. i started to ditch kia, i kno it was mean. and because emma and meg dont like kia, we were telling secrets (mean things) about her and laughed about her (she is very overweight) and i kno it was wrong but i was under pressuer. they were my only cool friends and i sisnt want to lose them (STORY CONTINUES)

and i was being real mean to kia. i was always ditching her or ignoring her when i was around meg and emma. i feel so bad for ditching kia like that and being mean. she doesnt know anything that i said about her. i dont want kia to hang around me because she makes me lose so much confidence. being overweight myself, i already have a low confidence level so when kia is around me, i feel even lower because she also has a low confidence level. im so torn. i dont know what to do. sometimes emma, meg and i run away from kia if we see her coming towards us because she is SO boring. she doesnt have a sense of humor, she doesnt like to gossip about boys... she likes to read, do homework and sit in the library. sometimes i ask kia to come and walk around the school with us just so she can get out of the libary but she always says no. WHAT DO I DO? i hate feeling so bad. im never mean. ive never been popular so this is so good to hang with emma and meg. please help me... PLEASE!!!!

i phrased the whole question wrong! i hardly ever say anything mean about kia. i listen to meg and emma say things and i laugh - i dont know what else to do. im scared to stay with kia because like i said, i already have a low confidence level - so does kia - it makes me feel so poor when im with her alone. ive never had friends like meg and emma. ive never felt so confident with people before now. you all think im low and mean. i am NEVER like this. i have never, ever talked about someone behind their back. especially not a friend. i want to be kias friend but because emma and meg dont like her, its so hard. sometimes i feel embaressed by kia. i never feel that way with emma or meg.

One more thing, you are not more confident when you are around the other girls, you make fun and say mean things about others to make you feel good about yourself. That is insecurity my friend.

read what i said just then. i hardly ever talk about her. meg and emma are great people, although u might think they arent. i dont get a kick out of making fun of people. its so hard to be like this to kia because im NEVER like this. i was always the loner. the shy girl. the girl that never had friends. the girl that always used to sit in the shelter alone. the girl that nobody would touch.

now i actually feel confident. i get picked on so much at hign school. i need emma and meg.

Answer 1

honestly, you do not deserve to have any of them as friends. And if you do not change your pathetic ways you will most likely end up that way. Best of luck to you.


One more thing, you are not more confident when you are around the other girls, you make fun and say mean things about others to make you feel good about yourself. That is insecurity my friend.

Well If you "Need" Emma and Meg to make you feel "confident" then your confidence isn't real. If you are truly confident you would feel confident no matter who you are with. If you are with Emma, Meg, or Kia, or even when you are by yourself. Confidence comes from within yourself not external sources.

Treating Kia this way isn't really making you feel all that great now is it? Just stop doing it. Not wanting to hang out with her because she is boring is one thing but ditching her and running from her and avoiding her is another. Tell her why you don't hang out with her, maybe she will try to be more involved in the things you are interested in. But just ditching her is just plain mean.

Answer 2

I think you and Kia can offer each other the gift of understanding and friendship. She came into your life when no one else was there and befriended you. You're both overweight and shy so you have something in common. You say you feel low about yourself when you're around her, but why don't you try to be the one to bring Kia out! Ask if she'd like to go walking with you the last 15 minutes of lunch. This way you can both get in better shape together and talk. If she doesn't want to gossip about boys, you can just share your feelings about your family, school, growing up in general, etc. Not all of your friends have to be the same. Maybe you can still hang out with the other girls but tell them you don't like making fun of people, especially Kia since she's a friend. And just be positive and encourage Kia. If she feels low, build her up. By building Kia up, you will feel more confident because you will be doing something nice for someone. Confidence comes from being a good person doing a good deed, not from being dependent on other people to give you worth. So spend a little time with Kia. It'll make her feel good, most likely. And maybe over time, she will learn to come out of her shell, trust you and be less boring. Trust me, when you're older you'll appreciate it!

Answer 3

It's important to make friends with people that have a higher confidence level than you. If you are overweight, and so is Kianna, you have no right to pick on her about anything. I had a low confidence level in high school, I sometimes still do. I don't really know what to tell you. I think behind what Meghan and Emma say about Kianna, they might be nice girls. You shouldn't make friends with someone because they are popular. In my experience, popular girls were always bi*ches.
Kianna was your friend when you knew nobody else in high school. You should not stay friends with Kianna if she has a low confidence level and if you feel embaressed by her. The reason being is when you walk around or play with Kianna, you're going to feel low, yourself. You don't want that.
I'd say just talk to Emma and Meghan and tell them that you don't feel the same way about Kianna. Tell them that she was your friend. Just try to sway them a bit so they don't keep telling secrets about her.
By what it sounds, you can be a good friend if you try to.

Answer 4

I Think it's important to make new friends, especially ones that make you feel good about yourself but I think it was wrong to make fun of Kia too. She gave you her friendship when you didn't know anyone else. And your friends meg and Emma musn't be very nice people if there willing to pic on other people to make themselves feel better. Put yourself in Kia's shoes and try to make things right. I can't really tell you what to do but only my perspective and opinion on the situation but usually if your conscienous is telling you that it was wrong to pick on Kia then it probably was. Good Luck and I hope everything works out.

Answer 5

If you have to ask the question then you already know the answer. If she hasn't done anything bad to you then you don't have a reason and your guilt is founded. You need to decide what is best for you and be able to live with it. Then be honest with everyone involved. BTW, anyone that tells secrets and mean things about other people are not high quality people. This is not the kind of thing that is tolerated long in a professional work place or the rest of the real world.

Answer 6

Yes, you're mean. You should stick with Kianna. She was your friend, right?

Those other two girls are NOT your real friends. If they pick on someone else because she's overweight, they're not real friends, they are b****es (the astericks are mine). Get rid of them and stick with Kia. You don't need them, peer pressure or no. Picking on people is not "cool". The whole school thinks so, believe me.

I knew girls like you when I was in school and they weren't thought very highly of - to put it nicely. They are not cool.

Answer 7

I am really shocked after reading this post...you need to seriously grow up!! Could you be anymore superficial? I mean, come on, being mean to somebody that was once your true friend because she is overweight?! That poor girl Kia...she deserves much better friends than you!

Answer 8

your conscience is now giving you signal by making you feel guilty inside you, that means you have to stop what you are doing...if you dont really want to make friend with kia, then leave her in a peaceful way, stop making side comments about her and her back, remember this old saying that dont do to others what you do not want to do to you...so try to change for the better, its not too late

Answer 9

YOU ARE MEAN!!
SOOOOO MEAN...

you dont want to stick with kia because you can see your own personality with her!
stop ditching her!!


you have no right to judge her!
if you dont want to be with her then just leave her alone. just keep your distance.


i think meg and emma arent cool!
and so you are!

so rubbish!!!!!

Answer 10

I think you answer you own question a few times, you feel bad and know it is wrong to do this. What if it was the other way around. Treat people like you would like to be treated and you won't feel guilty all the time!