Dependency?

Question

For awhile I have become dependent or "clingy" to some people. I feel like I want to be around them and just have someone to talk to, and for someone to love me. But I think my dependency is slightly inordinate, and I really wish I wasn't like this. I'm embarassed considering that I am 16, and I feel immature. I've been like this around certain teachers, and I don't want them to think negatively about me. I'm thinking this might be related to my poor family relations, considering that my parents have always fought and display no affection to each other. Around them, I feel indifferent and I don't want to talk to them. Maybe it's because my father seriously beat up my sister a year ago and I can't forget about it, or maybe it's because of my eating disorder or the feeling of emptiness, or maybe it's what my parents say to me that make me feel inadequate. What do people think of me like this, I think they know I'm in a low mood since once I almost began cry in school, I feel so guilty.

Answer 1

I went through the same thing when I was your age. I was frequently abandoned by my parents until I was 6 and after my grandmother died and they came and got me it was never the same. Its human nature to seek out somebody you can depend on. The only advice I can give you is that the best way to heal yourself is to try and heal someone else. Try volunteering, get involved in positive things if you can and you will meet a lot of people who are good and are safe to be attached to. I know your resources are limited being only 16, and you feeling out of control of your life is feeding into your eating disorder. Giving back is a way to help you realize that you don't have it so bad, and you really can be in control of yourself. Im 22 now and am in a healthy non-dependent marriage, just hang in there 2 years is not long, keep focusing on all the years you will have ahead of you.

Answer 2

I've been where you are at and I still don't know what to do. I'm 31 and have been in so many terrible relationships until I met my husband. The problem is I am so dependant on him.

My only suggestion for you would be to talk to someone you trust...a counselor, a pastor, someone that isn't going to make you feel inadequate or make you feel like less of a person. Good Luck sweetie...you're only 16. It may not seem like it, but things will get better!

Answer 3

You're storming thru this like a trooper. You recognize specifics of the problem and are addressing them rationally in a cohesive manner. You have more than half the battle won.

Life sucks! You realize that now rather than after decades of futile efforts to fulfill your fantasies. This is good.

You can start making a difference now. I highly recommend studying a skill that will allow you to help other people in addition to any capitalistic dreams you may have.

Become a voice. Even if it means "dishonoring your parents." Jesus would definately forgive you as He suggested the death penalty for those that would hurt a child.

Become a voice. Don't turn to drugs. Don't start cutting yourself. Don't become promiscuous. Don't mess up your own life because the parental unit is trying to in their special, unique way.

You might do well with a mentor that can spurn you to become activistic in "the community." I cling to that, being like you in some ways. I too become unduly attached to people I care about. My personal experiences are at least as crazy/evil as yours are.

Most of my social life these days is entirely online: I have some major trust issues with real people. But I'm more than willing to go out on a limb to help people.

Don't feel guilty about the mere fact of having inadequate parents. Everyone has them. They forced us into this this world against our will and many gave us away for other people to take care of. Once again, Life Sucks.

If you need any ideas of what you should do in life to deal with this, feel free to contact me through my email. There is so much more I want to say but don't want to clutter this room too much.

Answer 4

It is NOT your fault. Having parents who are not giving you the support an affection you need can absolutely cause you to feel dependent on just about anyone.

Try to talk to your school counselor and see if there are any resources. This sounds like a problem that is too big to get through on your own.

Answer 5

I think you are doing a great job for yourself trying to figure out why you are acting this way...guess what, that is exactly the way to get to the point of not being 'clingy', because you know what is going on with yourself, and you will teach yourself to stop doing it!!!