Consider this cheating??????

Question

Okay so I have been married now for a year and a half and I just found out that my husband has been talking to a girl for about a week. According to him there has been no physical contact and no meetings outside of work. His work consists of several stops a day and hers is one of them. He has been talking to her about intimate details of our relationship. He says she is just a friend but do you think what he is doing is wrong?

Okay so I have been married now for a year and a half and I just found out that my husband has been talking to a girl for about a week. According to him there has been no physical contact and no meetings outside of work. His work consists of several stops a day and hers is one of them. He has been talking to her about intimate details of our relationship. He says she is just a friend but do you think what he is doing is wrong?

PS...The only reason I know is because I had a gut feeling something was up and checked his phone records....Not my proudest moment

Answer 1

I think everyone so far has completely missed the mark. "Fabcyname" has a valid point, but everyone else, who has nothing but condemnation against your husband, offers no real help to the tru e issue at hand.

First, let me offer my answer to your direct question, then let me spin the table, and give you some insight in WHY this behavior may be taking place - that's where the rubber hits the road:

No - this is not "cheating", if cheating is defined as infidelity. That is the only reasonable answer to your question. No matter how many women or men he "talks to" - about himself, you, the weather, your relationship, or even the intimate details of the relationship, he is not "cheating" on you.

You did not ask about whether it is appropriate to discuss these matters with the woman; only if he is cheating, and the answer is categorically no, based on the information you have provided.

However, had you asked if it were appropriate, the answer to that is a little more complex:

The forst thing I thought, was: "Why is he doing this? He obvuously has a need to talk to someone - just in the same way you had a need to broadcast the fat that he is doing this on Yahoo answers. Perhaps he has unanswered questions about things that go on in your relationship, the same way you do, and he has noone else that he is comfortable talking to about this.

Now - that being said, there are a few things involved in that.

1) Having conversations like that with a single womsn often are the first steps down a slippery slope that leads to infidelity - "cheating".

Being comfortable discussing the "intimate details of your relationship" is a sign that there is a level of comfort, and that comfort can in time be confused with "emotion", and if there are things in your relationship that he feels the need to discuss with a woman, single or not, eventually it is very likely that he WILL cheat.

This brings me to the second point:

You have an early warning here, that he is missing something in your relationship. Why not act on it now, instead of allowing the missing element to remain?

2) There is something missing - something going unfulfilled - between you. He is lacking something - don't know what it is. It could be sexual, emotional, or simply a lack of understaqnding of how - or how much - you love him.

When men do this, it is because there is some level of frustration in the relationship. Something they don't have, and they are looking for answers - or even for fulfillment of the lack. You most likely already know what he is missing, because it is rare that these things are not mentioned BEFORE it comes to thie, still innocent stage of seeking outside fulfillment.

What has he said to you about your relationship?
What's missing for him?
Is there something sexual that is not taking place?
(oral, anal, frequency, intimacy, fetishes, fantasies, cuddling...?)

I want you to read a book that helped me tremendously to understand why I did not feel loved in my marriage. I wish SHE had read it as well, so she could have understood. The book is "The 5 love languages", by Gary Chapman.

The book talks about 5 different ways in which we "feel" loved by our partner. If you are displaying love in one way, and he perceives it in one of the other ways, you may as well be speaking Russian to him - he would understand your love just as much as the Russian language - and vice-versa.

Make him read the book as well - tell him you have discovered that he is obviously missing something in the relationship, and you would like to find out what it is! LISTEN, and learn. But I am sure - if you really think about it - that you already know what it is.

So - the remaining question is: What are YOU going to do differently in your relationship, that will make him no longer wish to speak with strangers about it?

My opinion is:
He should not be doing what he is doing - but he may not have anywhere else to go. However, the reason he is doing it, is a shared responsibility: It is in part your fault, for not fulfilling the part that is missing, that is the cause of the need to speak to this woman.

Hope this helps, and I hope the 2 of you will TALK - and LISTEN - NOT cast blame, and point fingers, for remember: For every finger that points at him, 3 are pointing back at you! Fix yourself - and your relationship will be better - if he also fixes him self - but don't make it a condition. In the end, you wwill be the only one in the little pine box, so you have to be true to yourself.

In a relationship with true, mutual respect, and very healthy communications, the need for this type of behavior is virtually non-existant.

Blessed be.

Michael.

Answer 2

Why is he telling her intimate details of your marriage? Does he have problems that he cannot tell you so he tells some stranger? That is a problem. That leads to a major affair half (yes half) the time. He doesnt seem to be hiding anything from you so far but I think that he is crossing the line by telling her intimate details. I would be upset and I am in the same shoes you are but my boyfriend was hiding it from me. SO where am I now? Living away from him and getting councelling. Yes she may be a friend now..but if he starts to get emotionally attatched and he is also attracted to her then you have a major problem on your hands. You may want to nip this in the bud or just watch from a distance for a little while. The main thing here is that it really bothers you and you need to pay attention to that.

Answer 3

If your husband told you that there is no physical contact and no meetings outside of work, but his job requires to make stops? Not sure what kind of work he does.

Not clear on what you are saying here about him stopping at her place, is it an office or home?

He shouldn't talk to anyone that is single about his intimate relationship with you. That is a private matter and that should be kept between you and him. Plus that is wrong to share your privacy with another woman that you don't even know. Maybe she is asking him about how you guys are doing with your marriage. Are you sure she isn't the one asking him those questions? You may want to find that out.

Answer 4

Well in a marriage, guys should not be allowed to have other female friends. If you give them an ok on having a female friend, what else would you be allowing for them to do? You see, if you do not set boundaries for your husband, he will use it as an excuse later as to why he REALLY cheated. A guy with excuses is truly guilty of cheating. ID watch this guy close, the fact he shared intimate details of your relationship with another woman is pathetic, and dishonest, He already has betrayed you if you think about it.

Answer 5

That is how it started with my husband and a female co-worker he would come home telling me how she would go in his office and talk about her problems she was having with her husband.I told him she shouldn't be telling you personal things like that.Well that was a mistake on my part because he stop telling me everything.To make a long story short they started having sex and my husband moved out and got his own apartment.I only found out about the affair after my husband moved back in with me.The whore planted underwear in a pair of short that was turned inside out when I turn it right side they fell on the floor they were g-string underwear.No way could they fit on her fat *** she is ugly fat and 10 years older then my husband.I'm telling you all this because if my husband can do it so can yours.Everyone that knows my husband said no way not him he would never do something like that to you he is a good man.Just watch him when he thinks you are in the shower or taking a bath listen through the door if you hear him talking or if he is on his computer come out fast see what he does.The whore told me that my husband would call her when I was in the bathroom that is how I no. I'm sorry for what you are going though I hope everything works out for you.GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

This is not good. This is an emotional affair. He needs to stop now. Also, you need to work on your communication with each other. If he needs to share this way with a woman, it should be you. There are some unmet needs here. You should seek marriage counseling now while the problem is still small.

Answer 7

Your husband has 'emotionally' cheated on you. Be concerned - very concerned.

You can definitely cheat on a person in several ways. Everybody seems to only talk about the 'sexual' way ... but trust me.... that's just one way.

What he is doing is wrong wrong wrong. You need to be doing something now to save your marriage. Wait much longer and this will most certainly progress to the next level, as far as his cheating is concerned.

Answer 8

now, i don't consider that cheating, however he should not be talking to her about intimate details of your relationship. that is a no no. especially if he just met her. i would just tell him that you are not comfortable with him having those discussions. he has to do his job no matter what, so it's not like can't stop going by there. good luck.

Answer 9

Of course it is wrong!!
What kind of guy did you marry anyway?
If my husband spoke to another woman about 'our' intimacy
at home I'd show him to the door 'for real'!!
I asked my husband about your question and explained the situation, he said that 'if he were you' he'd be more concerned that something else was going on between them and 'not' just
sharing personal stuff.
Any married man that does this has 'no' respect for his wife or his marriage.
You married a 'real' loser!!

Answer 10

Of course it's not wrong for him to just be talking to her, but sharing intimate details of your relationship? I'd be mad. the fact that he told you about her right away is good though. But if your uncomfortable with it just tell him. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you shared detail about him with another guy.