I am married already 15 years with him, 2 kids. I being home already for 3 years taking care of the children and him, and everything else, (him don't want me to work). I being economically strogling. He makes about $100k per year, but I don't have any acces to his money eccept the one for paying bills where he put just the amount to pay bills and food. Every month he comes asking how much i spent from that account, and it is a fight if he think I spent too much in food, gas or etc. That is one problem, second problem is his temper or very bad anger explosion, infront of the children that I hate so much, he turn to be very agresive if it comes to money talk. We live in MA, he wants to go to NC, I don't. He doesn't care. I alredy asked for divorce 3 time, he said (there is not divorce in his family). My mother live with us, she is sick and he constanly screamed at her and just told me that the last person to eat in this house is my mother. he is american, I spanish. I need help.
2007-01-13 15:48:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So much chaos is in the home that it is not good for the kids to see. Before you got married there must have been red flags to his behavior. After 15 years living with him and seeing his behavior you should have never started a family, but it is too late for that now.
I do give you credit for staying home taking care of your kids, that's what kids need is for a mother to care for them and to bond with, but it seems like you have a controlling and abusive husband. It is wrong for him to show his anger in front of the kids. If he doesn't see that he has a problem with his anger, then you need to sit with him, in a calm manner, and tell him how you feel. He needs to learn how to control his temper. Or, he needs to seek counseling for his behavior.
If the family is on a tight budget and wants to conserve with spending things that you really need, then I can understand how he asks you how much have you spent on the account. He can look up his account balance online instead of asking you each month too. But, he shouldn't get mad if you spent things that you or your kids needed like clothing, shoes, etc... Money seems to be the issue here as well and maybe that is why he gets upset because it seems like he doesn't want it to be spent at all. Or he could be upset that he feels like he is not appreciated. But, he should have thought about that before even getting married!
Now he has a family to support but can't control his temper.
If this has been going on for 15 years, why haven't you done anything about it? It doesn't look like he has respect for you or your mother. Right now you are stuck with a man who is controlling. What you need to do if he is abusive to you or the kids, is find someone you can stay with and get out. That's if he doesn't want to help himself with his anger by getting counseling. You are suppose to protect your kids from harm. So by doing that you will get them out of that situation you are in.
It is so sad that your kids will lose their father because of his behavior. But if you want to save this marriage, he needs to seek counseling first so you can see that he is making an effort to get himself some help. Otherwise, you have no other choice, but to get a divorce.
Too bad that the gets are the ones that will suffer the most coming out of a broken family.
2007-01-13 16:45:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm still teenager...but i know what you feel. Your husband is really bad. My suggestion is call police! You need to tell someone who can helps you. Your neighbours, friend, relative, lawyer, the Curch, or the women organisation. As soon as possible. Don't wait. Don't let him ABUSE u! Don't be afraid. If the relationship is not working...divorce him! Don't ask him to divorce you. Yourself is your. BE STRONG. Sure u can work. Don't let him control ur life. If u were work, it will help ur economy and you would not depend on ur husband. Don't let ur husband hurt u. Get a life! Don't let him putting u down! If ur strong he's gonna think twice before he does something stupid to u. Women and men are equal. No Men should put their feet on women's head. We have rigth and freedom. Don't let anyone destroy ur life. Yourself is the most important in this world. All that u feel is love is important to u. If isn't love leave it. U should be smart to arguing with him. Give ur opinions, facts. Don't agreeing with something that gonna hurts u. Hope u can get out of this situation.
2007-01-14 01:08:15 · answer #2 · answered by teaob7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not struggling economically. He's providing for all of your daily needs; he's just being strict about what you're spending. He should allow you to have an allowance for wanted personal items.
Your mother living there is a constant source of stress for him, I'm sure. And yelling is not the end of the world. But if he won't go to counseling, get a lawyer and get a restraining order against him.
2007-01-14 00:00:49 · answer #3 · answered by Jay S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
America is a free country, so he cannot legally tell you what to do and what not to do. So, learn good English, and get a job. Once you have your own source of income, you will no longer feel as dependant upon your husband. Spend as much money as you like within the bounds of responsible behavior -- if he becomes aggressive, just ignore him or leave the room. If he gets physical with you, remember this number: 911. Anywhere in the US, you can call that number, and police who are paid to protect you will come and help you. Become more assertive and live your life as you see fit. Force HIM to adapt to you, rather than allowing him to force you to behave in accordance with his wishes.
2007-01-13 23:56:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
in USA you do not need to ask
you can file for divorce and there is nothing he can do about it
he will end up losing alot
in child support
alimony ( for 7 1/2 years worth, child support till 25 )
and he have to sell the house and you'll get half the value of the house
so if you are going to divorce.. get an attorney
one who speak spanish
2007-01-13 23:53:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have an abusive husband. If you don't want to continue in the marriage, contact a lawyer and file for divorce. Contact your local Legal Aid agency if you can't afford an attorney.
2007-01-13 23:54:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like an abusive jerk. You don't need his permission to get a divorce (although it is easier that way). Go talk to a lawyer. You need to get your children, your mother and yourself out of that situation. Does he hit you? If he doesn't I bet it is only a matter of time.
Get a lawyer and sue him for alimony and child support and find a nice place for you, your children and your mother to live.
2007-01-13 23:55:14 · answer #7 · answered by flappymcp 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe get a job so you have your own income. He is your husband but not your master. He can't tell you what you can and cannot do. Stand up for yourself; if you really want to leave you will. And staying in a situation like that is bad for your kids.
2007-01-13 23:53:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
go see a divorce lawyer. You will proably get the better end of the divorce deal.
2007-01-14 00:06:07 · answer #9 · answered by Akela 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please seek counseling from the local health agency or a local church. Even if he does not go, it will be helpful to you to get a better understanding of his controlling and selfish nature.
Are your kids old enough that you can work, maybe just part-time?
2007-01-13 23:55:07 · answer #10 · answered by Bob T 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋