Are you wrong to finally tell someone what's what when they have been taking advantage of you?

Question

I am in my 40's, and a full-time student. I have been in many classes with some younger women, like in their 20's. This one girl who is 22 got into our carpool with us. (We drive an hour to school from our town.) She started doing things like making a doctor's appointment for a time 20 minutes before we had to leave for school, on the night of our midterm! She never cleaned out her car for us, and once had us stop by a friend's house on the way home from school, for what we thought was a quick errand, and we ended up waiting in the car for 30 minutes, and she came out with a gift and a piece of cake! I have tried to be nice but when the new semester started none of us wanted her in our carpool again. She finally asked what was up when we didn't communicate as much, so I came out and told her (in an email) about all those times. Is it wrong to finally come out and tell someone what a jerk they are being to you? I figure somebody's got to tell her how she really is sometime!

Answer 1

I wouldn't have waited and left her there...You were right to tell her....

Answer 2

People can only take advantage of you if you let them. This person sounds very self-centered. Didn't she even bring any cake out for the rest of you? It sounds like you, and I assume the rest of the people in the carpool felt the same way, were justified in wanting her out of the group.

A carpool should be treated more like a bus than anything else. It travels from one stop to another and doesn't make any unscheduled stops or wait for passengers to run errands.

Since it was an unhappy situation and it doesn't sound like she was a friend, you aren't out anything if she takes offense at being excluded from the carpool. Don't worry too much about what she things and just get on with your life.

You could use this experience as an object lesson and make sure that any future members of your carpool understand what is expected of them and the limits of the service.

Answer 3

You did the right thing; some people simply need to be told their actions are inappropriate. They may be "blind" to the fact they are being insincere and inconsiderate towards others. It sounds to me as if this young woman is in need of a wake-up call concerning proper carpool etiquette as well as learning the proper ways to treat people period. As some of the other answers have stated, always remember to try being as polite as possible when explaining your concerns to people. True, it isn't always that easy but you are the better person in the end.

Answer 4

No, not at all. If she was being irresponsible...why babysit her? Gosh! I hate it when people are rude and they don't even know it. Enough is enough and I'm glad you put your foot down and told her what you feel. Doesn't she know when you carpool with your friends you have to be respectful and considerate?...maybe she should just ride her own way, that way nobody complains to her. You did the right thing...no doubt about it.

Answer 5

I think you were right to tell her the truth. She asked why she was out of the carpool, she needs to be prepared to deal with the answer.

Answer 6

The right is letting her know about the problem in person before giving bad body language. She has to think about others too about being on time.

Answer 7

I think you were right in telling her how you feel when she does things like that.

Answer 8

NO.. just be honest in a nice way. Its only fair to you both.

Answer 9

You were well within your rights to tell her.

Answer 10

no it's not wrong and if she gets mad...let her because it's her fault in the first place.....she'll get over it sooner or later