my stepdad.......?

Question

my stepdad has lived in tha same house as me my mom n my sister since i was 11 n has been married ta my mom since i was 13, im 19 now. tha thing is, hes never once since iv known him told me that he luvs me... or my sister for that matter. i dont no y but it really bothers me. it seems like hes always nit picking er saying olny things that i do wrong-- even if he told me ta do it. i actually cant even remember tha last time he said i did a good job at something. im glad he makes my mom happy n all but i feel like i get tha sh.itty end a tha stick so ta speak. iv tried talking ta both him n my mom but before i can really even say nething we get in a fight over something else. am i wrong for being bothered by this?

... o n just a little extra info so i dont seem like a spoiled brat: i recently had ta move back home (buffalo) from tha bronx b/c i couldnt afford it nemore so its not like im just mooching off my parents i plan on moving back out asap.

yes i tell him i luv him almost everyday. n its not like im trying ta focus on all negetives, he can b nice dont get me wrong. n its not like hes tha only one who gets ta decide if i can move back home its not like i want ta even have ta live here.

also ta phamy76- im not gonna go praise him. hes never even ever given me a birthday er chirstmas card my mom does all that including "all tha nice things" done for us. and my dad was their too my step dad doesnt play newhere near tha part my dad does.

Answer 1

First, I am sorry but I have got to say it.... your spelling and grammar are awful, it has nothing to do with your problems other than maybe if you had learned how to communicate effectively you would not have had to move home....or maybe there is even more to it.


What your problem is, is a failure to communicate. People say things all the time. Rarely does a person who asks, "Hi, how are you?" really want a 6 hour lecture on how the person has been feeling since the last time they met. And so it goes that you say to your step father, "I love you" and he dismisses it back into the back of his brain.... because you always say that.

Then you are upset because he has never said it to you. But in reality he may have said, it in his mind, through gestures or acts of kindness many times, or even on a daily basis.

So instead of sitting down with your step dad and asking HIM, you chose to go to the computer and through your poorly written scratch ask us the questions you need to be asking him.

Sorry, we are not your step dad. He's the one to answer your question, and you may like or dislike his response, but its something that is eating you and therefore, for the sake of family harmony, really needs to be addressed with him.

Answer 2

Baby don't put yourself down, your not a spoiled brat....you care and that makes you a good person.

I not 100% sure how to help you so your parents will praise you, and such, but remember that if you are being feed, not being abused, have a place to sleep and a roof over your head and your parents are helping or paying for you finances -living and education- then you are loved and have it made. nothing's perfect.

Continue to tell your parents that you love them, and pay attention to the other people in your life like your siblings...your a role model for the people around. I look at it this way- you learned something about yourself (if you wanna ever have kids of your own) ..you will also tell your loved ones I LOVE YOU! :)

Answer 3

I am sorry to read this. I am a step parent and so is my husband and I know what you are saying. My youngest is 8 and my husband has raised her and I know he loves her and he tells her that . The other kids were older and they have a father. I dont think that is why they have a different relationship though. I think it may be because my kids love me and like him. I dont know if they love him. He does heaps for them and as he has said they rarely say thank you. I know they do thank him even if they dont say it. With his kids I dont say I love them because I dont. They aren't as important to me as my kids. This is a step parent being honest here and I hope I dont get crucified for being honest. I like some of his kids alot but a couple of them I dont and I have to be nice but I am sure they know it's for there fathers sake. All I can say to you is continue to tell him you love him if you are comfortable with that and just because he doesn't say it back he must have feelings for you. Whether they are love ...well I cant say. You sound like a nice person and I hope this hasn't upset you.

Answer 4

Been through it myself. For some reason it is hard for some step-dads to except another mans child. I went through mental abuse my whole childhood. When I turned 18 I was thrown out of the house. I was not a trouble maker whatsoever. But after I was thrown out I decided to move on and make the best of my life. You can too. Make the best of your situation and learn from it. Its tough but you can be better then him. You can win.

Answer 5

Sometimes men dont express themselves emotionally the way family would like them too. But as another poster stated, he is letting you move back in, so in his own way, thats a way of showing. And by the way, at the end of last month I came back to Buffalo from Brooklyn because its just too expensive.

Answer 6

Look, dear.
He may not be able to SAY I love you, but, he sure loves your mom, and raised you for the last 8 years.

You're 19, and he's letting you move back in.

Do you tell him YOU LOVE HIM? Or how much you appreciate how much he did for you and your sister?

Goes both ways.

Answer 7

I am sure he loves you. Some people have a hard time saying i love you though. and you have a right to be bother by that. I would be too.

Answer 8

Go see a conciler they can help you out. Mabe Hes scared or something.