I really want to help him. He is destroying our marriage and his relationship with his kids. He also works out of town 25-28 days a month so I am really not sure what to do. Can anyone help?
2007-01-13 14:55:37 · 15 answers · asked by dolphinsfan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Girl he needs help! and now!!!! my father was very abusive physically and verbally and we had to go through so much hell! Those kinds of things you never forget, is this what you want for your kids to see all the time he is home, when he is home? NO he has a real problem and needs to do something for his self. He will never admit to the problem but it is up to you to talk to him when he isn't drunk. This is the only time that you might be able to make him understand about his problem, if not you need to to something to better the situation. Seek professional help and always have somewhere to go in case you might need it.
Best wishes to you and yours!
2007-01-13 15:03:28 · answer #1 · answered by cowgirl! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The person who said ...he has to want to help himself... is right, but I wouldn't go running to divorce court yet.
-Tell him that he is destroying your marriage and his relationship with the children.
-Tell him that you are afraid that he will get into legal trouble
-Tell him you are afraid of what the booze is doing to his liver and health in general
-Tell him that you will have to take the kids and divorce him if he can't control himself
In the meantime, take yourself (while he's gone) to meetings (& the kids, too, if they are old enough to understand). Being around other people with alcoholic loved-ones can help you. It's important for you to take good care of you and the children--as he obviously is in no shape to help out at all.
Now why does he need to be working out-of-town almost the entire month? Is this why he is drinking so heavily? Is he a truck driver, etc (you mentioned legal trouble)? That, even without the drinking, can't be doing your marriage or his relationship with the kids any good.
Now after you warn him that you will have to leave if he doesn't get help--hopefully he'll think about that, and think about getting help for himself. This isn't always the case, though. Some alcoholics need to hit rock bottom (lose family, job, everything) before they will get help.
I wish you well, and hope that you and your children will be enough to convince your husband to shape-up. He'll need to be going to meetings and/or therapy--so that out-of-town job will have to go. Remember that HE has an illness--be supportive if he tries to get help--move away if he is not ready.
2007-01-13 23:15:21 · answer #2 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU CANT HELP HIM IF HE DOESNT WANT YOUR HELP! If he asks you for help then YES by all means help the man. He needs to realize that he is destroying his marriage and other relationships. It might take a serious wakeup call for him to wake up and clean up his act. I wouldnt suggest an intervention because it would just really piss him off and he would deny having any kind of alcohol problem. The first step to recovery is ADMITTING that he has a problem. Until he does that there is nothing anyone can do he has to be the one to change and want to change his habit.
Have you COMMUNICATED to him that your concerned about him?
I just read that someone told you to divorce your husband. I always tell couples to have divorce as a last option and it doesnt sound like you want to divorce him. If you really love him stick by him he will need you later on. Marriage is sacred and when you have problems in a marriage you dont just throw in the towel and say your getting a divorce. FIGHT to keep your marriage. Since you cant help your husband until he asks for it I suggest PRAYING for him. PRAYER is a powerful tool. Use it.
2007-01-13 23:06:45 · answer #3 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he have an e-mail address or when he is home try 2 talk 2 him! U could also leave a message 4 him in the house but u & the kids leave. Tell him that his drinking is out of control & that u love him BUT he needs help. If that doesn't work tell him he can either have his drinking or his family it's his choice!!!! That's what my step-mom did 2 my dad 8 yrs ago & he is now 8 yrs sobber & she is 6 yrs sobber!! He says he lives his family more than life itself & he would do anything 4 us!! Good luck!!
2007-01-13 23:05:53 · answer #4 · answered by Missy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to admit his problem and help himself before he will be any good as either a parent or a husband. Tell him he needs to get help, and it's unhealthy to be acting this way around your children.
Alcoholics tend to also be liers, he will probably promise a lot of things and it won't be until he has almost lost everything that he may consider changing. If you really love him perserver, but don't let him walk all over you. I like the motto 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me' don't give him too many chances, do what is best for the health and safety of you and the kids first.
2007-01-13 23:07:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him..tell him you love him but cant be with him until he stops drinking. Tell him to chose you or the bottle and there is no way around it. IF he stops he made the right choice..if he doesnt hes a major alcoholic and you need to go to alanon meetings to get the best possible solution. My father chose the bottle..he loved us but was an earnest alcoholic..and the majority of earnest alcoholics die without the serious help of god. If he is willing to go to aa and give up his addiction he will do it..if he refuses because he doesnt think he has a problem (deniel major benefactor of the disease---technically it is a diseas) then he is not going to get help without hitting bottom and your leaving is hitting bottom. I know it can be harder then anythign in the world to leave..but sometimes its the only thing you can do to help him.
2007-01-13 23:16:29 · answer #6 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that. Why don't you try taking him to a psychologist or a doctor? Also, try going on another honeymoon or something to try to repair your marriage. To resolve the problem with his relation ships with kids, why dont you have a family outing on the days that he is in town?
2007-01-13 23:01:41 · answer #7 · answered by Yoke Kong C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was married to an alcoholic and tried my best to help him....I couldn't and it is tough. The only one that can help him is himself. If he don't want to quit, he won't trust me. Was married to one for 7yrs and 3 of those were hell with medical bills, hospitilization, and just ignorance on his part. With kids in the middle too, it does not help, you need to do what is right for yourself and your children
Now, divorced, he has dui, no place to stay and regrets it all, but there is a time when enough is enough....been through counseling and everything....It is on him to stop.
Hope all goes well, it is tough and painful, but time gets better.
2007-01-13 23:46:32 · answer #8 · answered by Trese 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
divorce him
you cannot HELP an alcoholic
they can only help themselves
they must learn that losing a marriage is one of the consequance of the bottle over you
in effect has has saud i love the bottle more than you
and disavowed any marriage vows he took with you
2007-01-13 22:59:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
you can't do anything about someone elses drinking problem. i know , i have been there. and it is not an easy life ....not on eighter side of things. you need to wait til he is ready to quit an see what he has done to himself an his family. however..that may be a lil' too late for him.
2007-01-13 23:01:32 · answer #10 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋