college is shaping up to be disaster?

Question

My friends back home, we are tighter than tight. It's kinda ridiculous. So when I went to college I expected the same thing, but then I realized something that I didn't have to experience before. I had to make new friends. This really pisses me off, because the people I have met aren't what I think of as friends, because my expectations for friends are so high, and I can't stand them really. I'm not going to lie, and some of you may be mad about this, but i'm really really politically conservative. All my friends are like this. We have such great times, but I have had trouble finding people like this at college. Hmmmmmmmmmm. I don't know. I think going to a bigger school, like a state school would mean that there are more people to chose from and thus there is a better chance of meeting people that you like. Is that true. Has anyone transfered schools and regretted leaving where they were before.

Answer 1

I'm going to answer your question as someone who has really high standards for friends (which, not too surprisingly, I don't have that many close friends) and as someone who's currently going to a small school and looking to transfer out after the upcoming spring semester (transferring for different reasons, though).

Friends are like precious gems. It takes a long time to find good ones, a long time to process it (or develop for friendships), a lot of time and care has to be spent to maintain its luster, but, boy, do they ever shine. While this probably isn't what you hoped to hear, you struck the gold mine in high school with friends. You also, quite likely, spent 4+ years with these people. College hasn't worked out this way.

You might not ever achieve the number and circle of friends you had in high school at college but you should be able to make a couple of really good friends where your friendship will extend beyond college. There are plenty of ways to achieve this: politely sit down with some people you don't at dinner who like they could be your friends (I know, looks don't count for everything but I can usually tell you what the people who aren't my friends look like), go to some school sports game and sit next to somebody friendly, chat with somebody after class, offer to help somebody with something (person struggling with too many books, food, etc.). The list goes on and on.

Your campus might have a College Republicans and/or a College Democrats organization (really small schools sometimes don't have them). You should attend a meeting of the College Republicans if there is a chapter on your campus so you'll meet some other people who share your political views. Short of that, visit (just once or twice) a meeting of the College Democrats. No, I'm not joking and I'm not mocking you. Most of those people are pretty talkative, know lots of other people (whom you could be introduced to), and a couple are actually really decent individuals who could make good friends (and a political views shouldn't keep people from being friends; I think our country would be a much better place if there was less friction and antagonism in politics).

After all, I'm pretty certain I'd count as a liberal in most books but about 60% of my friends are conservatives (gather from this whatever you will, another 20% are just apathetic). Generally, my conservative friends are moderate or are more hardcore but willing not to talk too much about politics around me and we get along great, sometimes poking a little fun at each other.

I've made about 3 good friends and one really close friend (bordering on best friend) in college (I'm an undergraduate sophomore).

Going to a state/big school will probably introduce you to a wider array of people but I don't really think that's going to solve your problem (and it's not a very good reason to transfer unless there are other things that make transferring attractive). A big school is really the same as your small school just on a bigger scale in terms of meeting friends.

High standards for friends are going to be hard to meet anywhere. But you also end up with true friends when it's all said and done.

BTW You seem like one of those smart conservatives =) While, as a nice liberal, I probably shouldn't admit it, smart conservatives can be witty and funny and fun to be around.

Answer 2

I understand what you mean about having close friends at home. I started college like that. Sadly (or not), I have lost contact with almost all of them - we grew up and some of us just grew apart. In hindsight, losing a few of them was a good idea.

As for your current situation in college, there could be a few problems. First, there are small schools and big schools where you can find a large population of politically conservative (and socially conservative) students. Its not the size of the school that matters, its the unique atmosphere that each campus has.

If your political conservatism is really getting in the way of meeting new people or appreciating new people, the problem may not be them. Part of the college experience is see new things, meet new people, understand different ways of life. Nobody says you have to agree with all the new things you encounter, but you should at least be exposed to them and learn how to deal with them in an appropriate manner. Quite frankly, I can't stand the political beliefs of some of my closest friends, but a friendship is more important than our views on the latest tax bills.

That is not to say, however, that the other students are not at fault. They too should be graciously receptive to your beliefs and should not make you feel completely alienated. If you feel that your college does not have an open environment, then yes, you should probably leave. If you think you've just been meeting the wrong people, maybe you should stay. Let me ask this: how do you feel about your courses, professors and the physical campus? Those are also important factors in deciding whether or not to leave.

Answer 3

What is college about for you--the social aspect or the degree? If it's just in your personality to need some social connection, then yeah, consider ending out the year where you are, making great grades, and transferring to somewhere else for the next school year. But do decide just how important the social aspect is for you and if you might tough it out yet another year to possibly connect with others (although, if that seems like a true impossibility where you're going, then...)

Frankly, I didn't really make any friends in college. Only superficial stuff--except for my husband. ;) I really don't know anybody who became super close with somebody else their first year either. I did go to a really big university with a ton of different buildings and two different campuses to attend, with a wide variety of people. You didn't usually have the someone be in more than one class, or you perhaps just didn't notice it since some of the classes were 100-400 students...

Answer 4

Friendships take time to grow. If you feel like you are surrounded by people who don't share your values, I suggest you try to develop other friendships. One of the best ways to do this is to volunteer somewhere. If you can find a project or a cause that you believe in, chances are, you'll find like-minded people who share your values helping out too.

Transferring schools is always an option. But remember, that your friends back home are growing, and changing while you're away. Don't be surprised if you find them different when you get back.

It's always hard to leave those you care about, and to try to re-create your social life. Keep trying. Don't give up, and stay true to your values. You're not the only person on that campus who holds your values. Keep looking!

Answer 5

Bigger schools are more likely to be less conservative than more. This is especially true on the two coasts, with one exception: military schools.

Don't know what you intend to major in, but you are more likely to find politically conservative types in the business departments and in ROTC programs. Follow those with science departments. Liberal arts and fine arts ... ha.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 6

Most colleges have a group like Young Republicans or something. Perhaps you could find out if your college has some group like that which would share your values and views, and you could meet friends that way.

Answer 7

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You can't stay in high school forever. Even if you go back home, it's not going to be like it was, people grow and change. Why don't you grow and change? Explore some of those other points of view, even if you don't think you'd ever change your views. that is what college is all about--exploring the world, learning, growing. You are too young to be that rigid.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

You can join Student Government. They're usually overly conservative.