If you snooped, did you fess up and confront them?

Question

Ok I heard what everyone said about the snooping I did. It gives me objectivity I didn't have before. It didn't even occur to me to just be up front and say "I used your computer (instead of mine) to use Limewire and your Yahoo Msngr opened up and messages from another woman were there, from recently, what is going on?? Ok messenger didnt open I opened it - but to see if he kept OUR old messages, I wasn't looking for trouble! So it blew me out of my chair and I don't know what to do. He's away for 5 days, what should I do when he gets back???? Nothing? Be up front? Torture him slowly with little hints that I know? Just move out before he gets back? What did you do after you snooped???????

The woman's messages were very.. um, suggestive, familar, and racy. They know eachother - intimately. I have no doubt.

Answer 1

Oh my gosh - the same thing happened to me about three months ago! I was so shocked, that at first I wanted to just kill him. You absolutely need to confront him. If you play games it will make things much worse! Talk to him about it in a very calm,"non-accusatory" way, but don't be afraid to ask questions. The more obvious anger you have, the more fearful he'll be in telling the whole truth. Just tell him what happened and that he needs to respect you/your relationship enough to tell you what's going on. You'll definitely get a vibe as to whether or not he's being totally honest with you. (watch for eye contact) Trust your instincts! Don't move out before he gets back - IF he's up to something, he needs to know it's unacceptable! See how your converstation goes and then decide what you want to do. Good luck....

Answer 2

I didn't read the other post, but I will say this: we are only as sick as our secrets. How would you want him to handle this? Is it possible you have misinterpreted the interaction with the other woman? If you only wanted to see if he kept the messages between the two of you, why did you open the logs for others' messenger IDs? What are your expectations if he does wind up knowing you know? Are you prepared to leave the relationship? Will the guilt of snooping coupled with the knowledge of your discovery compel you to continue snooping? If so, you may want to ask yourself how much fun life is going to be. I'm sorry you found what you found. The situation you find yourself in right now is unpleasant and difficult. I hope you find the answers you need.

Answer 3

It depends - what did the messages say? Is it very clear that he is cheating or just clear that he has talked with some other woman (which could be innocent)?

Don't play games like teasing him - it will only make things worse. Be honest and up front about your concerns. Try and avoid accusing or blaming though until you have all the facts - it could just be a woman from work and have an innocent explanation. It's a tough one as cheaters hate to be caught and honest kind men who don't cheat, hate to be accused of cheating and not be trusted.

Answer 4

Well you didn't really snoop ...It's not like you want on his computer to purposely found out who he was talking to right ??
What did the message say ?? Like is it just flirting of did she say thanks for the f-ck ??? If it was harmless...then let it go , but if he already slept with this woman pack your things and just leave before he gets back...go to your moms or sisters or somewhere until you two can talk.

Answer 5

I snoopped in my hubby's palm pilot, e-mail, wallet AFTER a girl called MY cell phone (our last 2 # r swtiched i.e. his 1-2 mine 2-1) 6 times in 4 hrs. Even left 2 voices mails on my phone. (I recorded both voicemails --he wanted me 2!). When he got back from a business trip 3 days I asked him about it since they were in the same city & hotel! He told me that they were @ the meeting together & they exchanged #'s! He gave me her # I called just 2 get her husband! We set up a dinner & found out that both him & I thought our spouses had been cheatingbut found out otherwise!!
My suggustion is that u ask him what is going on!!!!

Answer 6

OK everyone is gonna this this is horrible advice but this is what I would do. Nothing I would just kinda keep an eye on his messenger and see what happens. Maybe it was a one time thing or maybe it is just a fantasy thing and he has no intention of taking it any further. But if things progress with his on-line friend your going to have to confess and confront him. It also depends on what is acceptable to you as far as chatting on-line goes.

Answer 7

Snooping doesn't bring you anything good! I should know! If you guys have the communication, then tell him exactly what you did and why. Being upfront is the only way to solve this whole thing! I hope it teachs you not to do it again, if ya do then you deserve what is thrown your way.
Good Luck!

Answer 8

why do you need his permission to use his computer if it is in your house then it belongs to the both of you,you shouldn't have to apology's for using his computer. That is a red flag right there if he has a problem with you on his computer. Why do men hurt us like they do.They no what they are doing will hurt the marriage and destroy what trust is there but they still do it anyway.That tell me that men don't care about anything but himself.

Answer 9

I packed my things and when he called I pretended everything was ok. I told him I loved him and everything. When he walked through the door and saw boxes and all my stuff gone, I asked, "Is there anything you'd like to tell me" he was stunned. He had dropped his stuff, his mouth was wide open. I remained calm even though on the inside I wanted to cry, scream, kick his ***, etc. Months later we talked about it and finally got back together. Rock his world.

Answer 10

BE HOEST IF HE SAYS YOUR WERE SNOOPING admit it- there was a bell going off somewhere that you sub-conciousily knew you couldn't trust him- and it was proven. Take acceptance that you felt a reason to look- you looked- and you were proven right.
ONCE A CHEATER/LIAR-ALWAYS. ONCE BITTEN,TWICE SHY,3 TIMES STUPID. GET AWAY BEFORE YOU WASTE INVESTING ANY MORE OF YOUR LOVE,LIFE TIME, EMOTIONS WITH THIS ONE.