my husband came back,after almost 2 years?

Question

and even though i never cheated,or anything,i feel,i dont love him like i used to.he was gone for 21 months,in iraq.and,i was waiting for this day,for him to come back home.but now that he is home,i feel,like im with a stranger.do i need to get counseling,or it's normal?i asked for 2 weeks off,from work,just to be with him,and i dont know what to do,with my time off.he dont talk much anymore.i dont ask him about iraq,cause,im afraid,i say something thats gonna give him like a flash back or something.but,what can i do,to make his stay nicer,and for him to feel welcome home?i am trying to do anything posible,so he dont know,how im feeling.and im doing it,because i want to save our marriage.im not out of love,i just dont feel it like i used to.

Answer 1

You have been apart for nearly two years. In that time you have experienced totally different lifestyles. He has experienced the pressures and horrors of war and everything it entails. He is sure to find it hard to talk to you about, since you did not go through this. He is probably feeling as uncomfortable about being home as you are at having him there. On the other hand, you gained a sense of independence in being alone during this period. You had to make decisions and live life as you thought best. It will take some time to get "reacquainted" with each other. You have both gone through some drastic life changes. He may not know exactly where he fits in anymore. Spend quiet time together. It will come back.

Answer 2

I don't think you should give up on your marriage just yet. Try to be understanding that your husband has been in another country and his past 2 years were extremely difficult and stressful. I'm glad he's back alive and well.

It's understandable that after two years of being on your own, you feel different and almost feel like the feelings are not there anymore. But love is not a feeling, it's an action. You married him and made a vow and a commitment. Neither of you have broken that vow, so why end it now? I do however recommend you to get counseling immediately. You need to learn how to cope with having him back after two years. He might also need some counseling to help him cope with the things he had to endure overseas. Please get into counseling ASAP. Don't put if off. Stay true to your vows and make it work!! God Bless!!

Answer 3

I don't no if men feel this way but we women do.You find yourself thinking about him remembering when you met remembering the first kiss how it felt the first time the two of you made love.A song comes on the radio and you go back to the good times you had.You can't wait to get your hands on him to hold him.But then he walks through the door and all the things you were going to do is gone you went him to leave you alone.The memories are better then the real thing.You see what you are going through we all go through it.As far as your husband goes, he needs his space right now it's nothing personal just give it time he will work it out in his head just be there for him when he needs you he will come around in his own time. Let him no you love him and you will be there for him when he is ready to talk about what he has been through.

Answer 4

Talk to him - he may be feeling the same way. After so long apart, it can't just be as though he never met. You have both grown since then and you need to get to know each other again. Spend some quality time together - go out on some 'date' and find that spark that attracted you to each other int he first place. Not many couples get the chance to rediscover the excitement of the 'getting to know each other' part of relationships. If you still love each other then you will grow closer and connect again. If after a few weeks things are still awkward, you may want to consider a counsellor to get some ideas.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

This happen to me when my EX husband went to Iraq. I thought I'd be happy be we didn't have much to say to him and he didn't have much to say to me, until one day I asked him about his tour over there and he began to tell me as he began to cry. He asked me '' have you ever smelled a burning body'' and to know that he was probably someone daddy or husband? I let him vent each time he wanted to say something about it. Being afraid until he just got tried of being afraid. He began to drink heavily. we ended in divorce. He's on his 3rd marriage, 4th kid and out of the 4 kids he have, 3 suffers, because they don't get to see him and he lives right here in the same town as they do. 2 of the boys are acting out and my daughter would fall for any guy that would pay her any attention. I would subject some counseling as soon as possible. He might not want it,but he really need it. Try talking to him about the way you feel. Ask him do he feel the same way you do and then tell him you want to stay together for as long as he would have you, but think you both need professional help before it's to late.

Answer 6

After 2 years you are probably numb from all the stress related to him being gone.Give it some time and see how things go.He probably has some mixed emotions also.If you didn't stray or go beyond your vows then you are in a great place as far as saving a marriage.He will need time to adjust to civilian life again so don't startle him for awhile.Just enjoy the fact that he came home alive and well.Maybe both of you can talk to someone about how you feel.I'm sure you both have alot to talk about.

One other thing.Tell him "One hell of a job" Many Thanks.

Answer 7

Girl I do feel for you! Hang in there don't give up! These guys go through hell while they are over there and all he needs is your love and support! My brother was in Iraq for 11 mos and it was hard for us all! They live so differently than what the normal person day to day and we forget to ask God to help them and their families. I really do think that if he is back for good, it would be an awesome idea to seek professional help. Yeah they don't talk much. Give the two of you that chance that you so much want. Love him! support him! take a small vacation if possible and just reconnect!

I do wish all of God's Blessings on you and your marriage!
Keep us posted!

Answer 8

sit down with him and ask those questions,just maybe he thinks you don't want to know what he went through,you will feel like strangers for the rest of your life if you don't talk,give him a chance to let you in on the things he went through over there,if you love him take his hand and tell him you want to know what he is feeling, you are making it worse by pretending it isn't there.tell him you are scared also but be the woman he knew before he left and let you husband talk, bring the love back into the marriage,my friend never got the chance you have do it very soon,best of luck and blessed be

Answer 9

Hmm. This is a hard one. You say you're still in love with him. Do you honestly feel that way, or are you just trying to convince yourself to feel that way. If your feelings aren't there, their isn't much you can do about it. You cant make yourself feel something that you do. Of course he's your husband and you love him, but why be miserable for the rest of your life? Consider talking to him and see what he has to say about it. But if nothing comes out of it or changes, maybe you should consider a divorce.

Answer 10

Things are different. Your husband has seen things that we here in the USA do not fully understand. He is going to need time. I am not married. But, my advice to you is to be there for him. Let him know that you are there for him. Let him know that you think he is a hero. He is! I would focus on him and what he needs for healing. He may not be ready to talk about things yet, but just try to be patient. Try to do things that will make him know that you missed him and love him. I know that when my grandfather came back from Vietnam he was changed. If you love him, you need to be what he needs. Be willing to accept who he may now be. I, personally, do not agree with divorce. I would do whatever I could to save your marriage, if I was you. But, my main advice to you is, love him. Be there for him. Serve him. Focus on his needs rather than yours. I do hope that your love will be rekindled and that your marriage will be better than it was before. Good Luck! Tell your husband thank you for serving our country. Tell him that I am grateful for the sacrifce both him and you have made for our country!