Married for 6 years, 3 kids, 1 from my prev. marriage, 9, 1 from his prev. marriage, 8, and 1 together, 5. I am fit, sexy, lost all baby weight + , worked in fitness, got breast implants b/c I felt my breast looked icky after kids. I am cute and smart (grad degree) and fun. My husband never initiates sex, could go months w/o sex, and never gives me gifts (even on mjr holidays), never plans dates. I caught him looking at online porn 1 yr ago and he is very smiley with hot women but no traces of phone calls/emails/etc. I am not easy to fool. What the ? I am fed up. We used to have hot sex b4 marriage and in the 1st yr of marriage, and do all sorts of crazy dirtiness (w/toys, etc.), but now, he is dead. I used to cry, now I'm just numb. Leaving him would be a struggle b/c I stopped working 1 yr ago b/c of so much going on w/the kids--at his demand. I used to initiate sex, I got tired of being rejected. I also got tired of planning dates, weekends awayw/o sex. I am 33, he is 41.
2007-01-13 14:07:51 · 23 answers · asked by AM 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I went thru this in my marriage too and did some research on it. There's not much out there, but apparently men go thru something similar to menopause that affects their sex drive...I'm sure you've heard repeatedly that "it's not you"...listen to him, because it's not.
Try reading this article to get some insite:
http://www.webmd.com/content/article/28/1728_62490.htm
The biggest part of it is treating the depression that often comes with it...it's as difficult for you to deal with as it is for him. My husband & I ended up separated because we didn't have enough information about what was going on. The angry words that resulted could not be mended. My advise is that you research as many sources as you can find. Advise him to see a doctor. Maybe he'll listen and be able to find his way back to you if you're both aware of what is causing it.
2007-01-13 14:34:53 · answer #1 · answered by motomouth_1965 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi... I'm sorry you're struggling and i had a bit of an issue like this with my guy too. Not unlike you, i'm attractive and also older than you - 55. I talked to my guy about this and at first he was defensive. He said he is "not a machine". I was compassionate and kind even so. I let him know i was lonely and missed the closeness and asked him if we could just try some love play and being close in bed, and if it lead to intercourse it does. Well, we are working at it, i am attentive to him, tell him how much i care for him and i assert loving actions and affectionate actions during the day -- stop to hug or kiss him, etc. I don't overdo it, but i practice kindness with him. It seems to have worked. He loves sex but i think he's lazy? He's also 53, so of course, his testosterone levels aren't what they used to be, but he still gets night time and morning erections and also random ones, so he's still capable... and i'm sure your guy is too! I'm sending best wishes... You ARE ATTRACTIVE and LOVELY!
2016-05-23 22:49:33 · answer #2 · answered by Lilly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but i believe you should leave him also when the computer is taking the place of sex someone is getting neglected namely you he has a problem so don't look down on your self because of it what i do know is he isn't fulfilling your needs here is a thought get back into the work force some how some way pull your self confidence back up and walk you deserve better there are alot of men out there who wont reject you been there done that good luck and again rem you deserve better
2007-01-13 14:24:47 · answer #3 · answered by kayme42 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
many have said an affair, but thats not it. I have the same situation and I left my husband (i have no kids) and separated in May of 06. He begged me to come home. I told him what I want and need.
so far, we have not had sex, but it's been my fault. I don't feel like he's attracted to me now.
it hurts like heck. talk to him and tell him what you want and need. I got tired of being rejected too. If mine doesn't get better, I'm going to divorce. I've already decided. however, I don't have little ones to look out for.
I hope you can make it work for your sake. if not, then do whatever it takes to be happy. life is short.
2007-01-13 14:57:45 · answer #4 · answered by wayouthere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and a million other wives out there like you! 41 is a bit young for a man to begin losing his sex drive but I guess anything is possible.
Look hun....here's the deal as I see it: Biggest problem with men (married or in any relationship) is that they become too comfortable. After a period of time they tend to get lazy or just so into their work, hobbies, etc. that they forget what's most important in their lives......YOU!!!!!!
I wish I had a magic answer for you but I don't, sorry! Men who treat their wives like this need a dose of reality and a good swift kick in the *ss.
2007-01-13 14:20:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dang girl, you got yourself a problem! I would definitely ask him straight out. If he still leaves you hanging or lies and blames you and defends himself then get your check list out of what it is 'you' want and need in your relationship. Ask your husband if he desires to give you those things (because it sounds as though he doesn't). His activity on the porn sites don't sound too promising unless you get the benefits. You really have to first make a decision and carry it out regardless of even your children. Maybe your husband feels comfortable treating you this way because you've taken it so long. I can say that he treats you as if he doesn't care, respect or appreciate you. We shall know them by their fruit! If he agrees to counseling then give him that chance but seeing that you are so well educated, you are able to maintain yourself and your kids on your own. Or accept you living situation and live as roommates. He has a right to do what he wants and so do you.
2007-01-13 14:36:20 · answer #6 · answered by MeHurdu 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a nasty little secret about married life. You are in the SWAGE predicament. There is a support group for people like us.
It is a problem of mismatched sex drives, and the spouse not recognizing an obligation to "be there" sexually for their mate.
2007-01-13 14:22:16 · answer #7 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find a marriage counselor. It would be best if both parties go together. A good counselor can help. He/She might have individual sessions with each of you. A counselor can help both, find out what the issues are and how you both can correct them.
Your insurance company may help pay the bills.
2007-01-13 14:23:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The initial thoughts, gay, cheating, don't make sense, right? This is my situation. Mine is like this too.
Some men don't actually NEED sex; they use it.. as a weapon, as reinforcement, same with gifts and affection. Some men are evil game-players and the older they get the better they get at it. I know mine is one of them, yours might be, too.
Don't expect anything to change. Sorry.
2007-01-13 14:18:09 · answer #9 · answered by Ade 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well it seems maby he changed after haveing kids are hate to say it but.. maby even cheating on u! u really need to sit is *** down and tell him like it is! with no kids around! tell him that you are tired of being married to a dead man! pretty much) and that if he doesnt get his **** right are come clean to you about why he is acting this way thin you might leave bc u need beter and u shouldnt have kids with a man that doesnt even act like he cares about you!!! no sex isnt everything but why not? i mean you are married and ppl in love make love.. just seems right... idk but you really need to talk to him and clearly speak tellin him whats up!
2007-01-13 14:20:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋