I have been in a long term marriage, I have never been in love with her. I should have left before she became ill. We are so opposite, we married for the wrong reasons. I have met someone that has like interests and seems to be interested in me. I am really attracted to her, what do I do? I have been wanting to find that someone that I relate to that is my oxygen, my food, that I want to hear her heart beat next to mine. I am not interested in a sexual relationship I already had 22 years of that. I don't want to lose the opportunity to find out if she is the one. Please help, I feel so guilty because my wife is severely handicapped and requires 24/7 care. I am not going through a mid life crisis, I have been in a crisis since I married my wife 22 years ago. This new person is much younger than I am, she approached me by asking my name and seems interested even though we have an age gap. She is a nice Christian girl that I can't stop thinking about. Help!
2007-01-13 13:58:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to tell this younger woman to run along and play. Yes, you and your wife may not be a match made in heaven, but you have shared 22 years together. Now when she needs you the most, you are more concerned about your "attraction" to another woman? I understand that you have emotional needs and perhaps all this time they haven't been met. But, if something happens to your wife, and from the sounds of it she is very very ill, how guilty will you feel knowing that you had an involvement with another person, whether it turn physical or just a mental thing? You are not at a time in your life where you are ready for a new relationship, you have way too much going on. You need to tend to your wife's needs and take care of yourself without involving another person. Whatever you decide, PLEASE do not cheat on your wife. If you feel you must be with this other person, please leave your wife first. Don't cheat. There are ways to handle this.
Good luck to you.
2007-01-13 14:14:25 · answer #1 · answered by Emmy F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't read what anyone else said; I'm just gonna tell you what I think.
I feel bad that you're in the situation with a severely handicapped wife. I know you didn't sign up for that. And if you can't handle it, thats ok, and if you don't really love her, that's ok. You just have to be honest; with yourself and with your families. Figure out what you want to do, and do it. But stop torturing yourself over it. Not everone is cut out to handle a drastic situation like that.
But, don't do it because you met someone new. You HAVE to do this for yourself. Whether you stay with your wife or go, you have to do it for your own reasons, not because some young chippy gave you the eye. You said that she "seems" interested. Honey, that could be an illusion. Imagine if you jumped ship and she wasn't interested!
Make your next move very carefully.
2007-01-13 14:08:47 · answer #2 · answered by Ade 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey brother, you are in a crisis I wouldn't want to be in---torn with wanting a different life and walking out on a wife who needs you now--more than ever. I have no idea what possessed you to marry if love wasn't there--but you did and you are in for the long haul. 22 years is a long time. 22 years of togetherness is not something to take lightly. I think you need to put yourself in your wife's place...already ill and finding out your spouse is thinking of walking out---pretty lousy right? I would say you might enjoy the company of this younger girl, but it is only in your mind that she is all that you say. Does she know you are going to maybe abandon your sick wife? I doubt she would want you after such a cowardly act. There may be nothing wrong with having coffee and conversation once in a while with her--as a friend---but you better do the right thing and stick to your wife's side. No one says what you're going through is easy--it isn't--but at the very least--you better do what's right. I think you'd hate yourself later---it would eat at your mind and drive you crazy. Man, be a nice guy and wait till the time is right. Treat her with respect and dignity--she didn't become ill to make your life miserable--it just happens. Good luck, sir.
2007-01-13 14:13:30 · answer #3 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I hope your not planning to live your wife because you "think" this younger chick has the hots for you my god that's mad to put it that way ... you say your not involve with your wife then why on earth did you get married in the first place?? and stayed with her for soooooo long? your not making much since that's for sure and you seem to be a lil selfish and only think about your self well you better start thinking very carefully about your marriage about your wife you better talk to her and tell her how you feel but DON"T tell her about that silly girl my god how stupid just tell her how you feel about her (your wife) she needs to know that!!!
and if you're going to live this marriage live it because you have no love not because your attracted by some girl who might or might not be interested in you...
and you should also think about counseling.
2007-01-13 14:55:23 · answer #4 · answered by Tina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're gonna leave your wife of 22 years for a younger woman now that she's HANDICAPPED? And you have the gall to bring up being a good Christian? You should be ashamed of yourself.
For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. Maybe you should go talk to your priest and see what he has to say.
2007-01-17 07:23:33 · answer #5 · answered by Vix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you decide to do with your marriage & this new young lady, keep one thing in mind, if you leave you wife now with her being disabled, you will pay BIG financially for the rest of her life. You married her for better or worse. Better really think this one out and decide what your willing to pay out & don't think you will get off only paying a few hundred bucks a month either. Better see your trusted attorney. Good luck with whatever you do with your life.
Mary
2007-01-13 14:35:56 · answer #6 · answered by maryannmccarthy2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jman,
take a deep breath and rest. a younger, probably attractive(?) young lady flattered you in an area that probably hasn't felt flattery for quite a while. so, breathe again. this young lady hit a button for you, perhaps a need or a want or some of each. you are at the present time married to a woman with a physical disability. this will be an extremely difficult situation at best. talk w/ your mrs. about wanting a separation/divorce. you cannot keep this from her. it's not fair to her to do so. is it fair to YOu? i don't know. but, i've been in the shoes awife, in a loveless marriage and i had finished chemptherapy 2 weeks before my husband asked for a divorce. he & i married for the wrong reasons - he loved me and i doubted my love for him. so, don't keep your mrs. in the dark about it. for goodness sake, talk with her.
are you a Christian? i ask because you mentioned the young lady was Christian. I thought perhaps you might have a pastor with whom you might speak. perhaps your wife's doctor? you need to find a support system for yourself. find a talk therapist for your self, for you will need to talk to an objective outsider, as well as talking to your mrs.
22 years is a big chunk of change in years spent. but, for your sake don't regret them. take those years as quite an expensive education and learn from it.
you say that you have been wanting someone, oxygen and all that rot. so, why haven't you done something about it before now? leaving your wife for another woman is a bitter pill to swallow for any woman. just leaving because you are no longer in love (or whatever) is hurtful, but the woman can talk to herself and conclude that you were a clod and she's better off without you. but leaving a wife for another woman? that's betrayal and so hard to forgive.
so, I wish you all the best. this is quite the quandry for you. find a support system jman. you'll need it. God be with you and your wife.
2007-01-13 14:19:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A nice Christian girl who approaches a married man... give me a break. Sorry, I know, I know... I'm supposed to be helping you. Please, just face your wife and tell her the truth. I HATED the fact that my husband lied to me. Hated him for not having the guts to just tell me. So JUST TELL HER and then GO! And plesae don't come crawling back like my ex-husband tried... the door will be locked. I can guarantee you that. Good luck and watch your step.
2007-01-13 14:10:30 · answer #8 · answered by mJc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
follow your heart sweetheart, 22 yrs and you unhappy won't make sense. do what you have to do but still visit your wife and show her you still care. but the time has come for you to move on.
good luck
2007-01-13 14:09:53 · answer #9 · answered by darkangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I ain't even going to touch this one.I see so many things wrong here that it would take me all night to answer this question.
2007-01-13 14:12:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋