Why do I feel like my husband doesn't love me any more?

Question

Me and my husband have been married for almost 10 years. I don't think he loves me any more. If I ask him, he says that he does, but I think he is lying. I have put on a bit of weight recently and don't look very attractive any more. I often feel depressed and don't always wear make-up. I know I look terrible, but I don't even care any more because my hubby doesn't care. My husband only has sex with me on average once every 3 months. Should that be acceptable? He thinks it is ok, but it really gets me down and makes me feel unwanted. If I try to initiate sex he gets angry and tells me to leave him alone. If I ask for sex, he gives me a look of real disgust as though he feels sick. He only ever kisses me properly (not peck) when we make love, so we are not very often intimate. He hasn't had much sex with me for years. We used to do it several times a day. Why would he want to be like this with me but still want to live with me? Why doesn't he just leave me? I am only 31

Answer 1

Those gut feelings can really eat at a person until all sorts of thoughts are running through your head. If you feel that there is something wrong, then there may very well be. It's not necessarily that he doesn't love you anymore because if he didn't love you, he'd probably leave.

If you think his feelings are because you are no longer attractive then work on that. Don't do it for him, but do it because you recognize that you aren't very attractive and you want to look better FOR YOU. He will, of course, benefit from the new you; the way you look and certainly the way you feel.

I must tell you that I know where you're coming from. I didn't think that my husband loved me anymore either, but then I learned that he shows love differently than I would really want him to. Maybe that's what's going on here.

A lot of people are going to tell you to go to counseling. We did that too, but neither of us learned very much from it and neither of us enjoyed the counselor's. Oh, it's a good place to start, but it wasn't for us. We still have a lot of problems, but we're at a better place where we can work those out.

Answer 2

Wait a minute, first of all, all people lose a bit of passion after the marriage becomes a daily routine. He probably works an 8 hour day..plus commute time and then he has to do house chores or some other stuff---time goes fast with that much to do. You didn't mention children but they take up all your time and that adds to the issue. But you also mention a few things about yourself that can be changed. It is easy once you decide to really work on your appearance. It is just as easy to eat good food as it is to eat fattening food---you just have to decide to do it. He is still there--so I would say he still loves you. It comes from the heart even though he doesn't show it the way you think he should. Promise to start tomorrow---eat better, take a good look at your hair and clothes---change what needs to be changed--the hardest step is taking that first step. It will become easier as the days pass. You do NOT need pills--just nice and easy exercise and good food. Smile at him and change your conversation--don't beat yourself up over this. tell yourself that this will get better.Go do something nice for yourself---whatever little thing that you want to do. There is more to a relationship than sex--try doing something fun and relaxing together---keep sex out of it for a while--even though you don't like that idea--it may occur more often if you just don't dwell on it. take walks, play board games--watch a funny movie. I really hope this eases your mind---just let things happen . His days are tough and so are yours---learn to relax a little. Good luck

Answer 3

each marriage receives stale each once and a at the same time as. Why do not you manage to have someone save your baby for an evening or a weekend, and then both one in all you go some position and rekindle what you had once you dated. Do something relaxing. you want to do this each so commonly to save the affection flowing. i imagine you'll discover that in case you probably did this, your husband will be extra accommodating on your needs and needs. With childrens round, all of us get right into a kinfolk mode that would not experience close between the husband and spouse. quicker or later that child will strengthen up and flow out, and in case you 2 do not have a relationship it truly is close at the same time as that is in simple terms you 2 jointly, then how do you imagine it truly is going to be at the same time as your empty nesters? good success.

Answer 4

Have you sat down and talked with him about it? I mean really TALKED about it? I answered a previous question and the advice here is identical. People today don't talk enough to each other.
Ask him to sit down with you and just talk. Let him know how you feel, what you think. You're married, you should be able to tell each other anything. Above all else, ask for honesty, and you return that honesty.
Let him know you feel as if he's not attracted to you anymore, ask him what you can do to renew the spark that brought you two together in the first place.
The main thing here is that you ask him to be completely honest, and listen to what he says. Let him know it's okay to tell you anything, and whatever he may say, do not get upset or offended by it.
If he says something like he thinks you've let yourself go, then don't get upset over it, do something about it. I'm sure you know that as we get older our bodies aren't quite what they used to be, and it takes work to keep them in shape.
The best thing you can probably do is have a sit down with him and find out what he thinks/feels. Let him know you can't fix a problem until you know what it is, and go from there. Don't rely on guesswork, trying to figure out what you think he's thinking tho. Get his honest opinion, so you know what to do.
Hope that helps, and good luck!

Answer 5

I am so sorry you feel this way and you live like this. That is horrible and you need to do something about it. You are too young to be living unhappy. I am a person that believes fully in the truth. Sit him down alone and tell him how you are feeling. Tell him about your concerns and your fears. If you can't be open and truthful with your husband than who can you be. But one important thing that I've learn is when you tell him about this keep calm. Don't raise you voice or get all crying. Just try to talk to him to find out what he really thinks. Tell him you are wondering if you 2 should be together out of him. Surely he will answer to that. Just stay calm, though. If you get all emotional..than he will (probably by getting mad that is what used to happen to me). Think about what you want to say to him before hand. That helps me keep my over emotional self out of the conversation. It is worth a try.

Answer 6

Something is up and unfortunatly its not your husband. Just Kidding, this is a no passion serious situation. Almost all relationships are out of balance in the sex department. "But not 3 months outta balance. I but a very high value on communication. If he is unwilling to talk about it after you as nicely as you can convey your feelings to him than something else is going on. Another Woman? I don;t know but articulate how you feel. If you give him the right information than the ball is in court. Don't wait for him to leave tell him that you require more passion in your relationship. If he doesn't provide it. Than announce to him that your going on a singles cruise to find some. Bob

Answer 7

Ever heard of the 7 year itch? It may be coming a little later for you. But it's normal. ANd, guys go through their sexual peak before girls, probably around the time you were married if he's around your age. Guys peak during late teens-30 ish, you should peak in 7-10. Try something new, i know that sounds 'by the book', but maybe put on some makeup and don't seduce him persay, but do the whole candlelit dinner when he gets home, with a fave dessert or something to follow, and dress up a bit. (and i mean dress up, not dress in a teddy :)) Good Luck!

Answer 8

Do you love him ? Or are you insecure of being alone? I'm 250 pound and look good and feel good. I'm not going to lie my self I would love to lose some weight for me. No man should have to make you feel unwanted. I been going with out sex for three years. Cause I believe he out there hunting for a women like me. Get up honey, stop feeling depress put on your best clothes on and makeup and live again. Sex isn't what your looking for your looking for comfort and someone to listen to you. I'm here any day and time to chat or e-mail.

Answer 9

Think about what you have written here.You have said many things that are negative about yourself.If you feel that you are not attractive to him and you feel that you are a bit over weight and depressed then more than likely you are sending him the same message.He will pick up on how you feel and it is probably bringing him down also.He may feel the same way about himself so talk to him and find out what is going on.The only way either of you will ever find any happiness is to talk it out and see where the problem is.At least this way both of you can decide what is best so you can move on or work it out.

Answer 10

Hunny if you want to save this marriage start working on your wiegth over all health and appearance, that is your job, my ex ( soon to be ) husband beat me down so hard about my apperance all the time, that NOW i cant go out without doing my hair and looking adorable, and now i have guys lining up at my door,. So if you want to save this arriage show your husband you do care, and if that doesnt work, then try counseling. If you need help losing wieght just dont eat the same amount as him, dotn eat processed food( meaning if it didnt come straight outta the ground or right off teh animal DONT EAT IT) and drink one glass of water before each meal, and please for goodness sake try to look sexy ( it will make you feel sexy and egotistical which men LOVE they love a good chase ) and if it doesnt work you can atleast say in the end you tried your CUTE LITTLE BUTT OFF