Women only Please: Do you think it is wrong to have sex with other people with your husband's permission?

Question

Husbands side:
I am gone all the time,i tell my wife its ok to get a little on the side,as long as theres no attachments,its not behind my back,and only with persons we both approve of......is this wrong?I think most women would jump at this chance.my reasons,well i dont want her to be wanting for anything,and i think it keeps things spicy for both of us.I have allowed her to do this once before and no adverse effects came from it.why cheat when its ok,and it is protected sex and only sex.

Answer 1

Wow! It is a short question for a long answer!
I do not think it is wrong it you do not think so. (I could stop there but I will keep going…)
First, I hope you will excuse my writing. English is my second language (French is my first)
Second, I am in total agreement with you that an open marriage would be better than cheating behind somebody’s back. Cheating is deception, lying, loss of trust, guilt, bad, bad, bad. If a married couple cannot tell each other the truth and cannot trust each other, with whom can they do that then?
Third, I command you for trying to keep things spicy for you and your wife (would it be nice if all husbands would make such effort). I also command you for expressing your concern about her “wanting for anything”, I guess you do not want her to want without having (I do not know her but I guess she must be quite something).

I accept that everybody has their own moral compass and as long as they do not jeopardize my freedom and my comfort, I am ok with it. But this is just my opinion which I am sure differ from other people. The question is why do you need MY opinion on this matter which is a personal one. Only your opinion, your wife’s opinion, the opinion of the lucky “person” (man or woman, I assume, since you sound so free spirited) who will get safe sex with no commitment, and maybe the opinion of his/her wife/husband if he/she has any, only those
opinions should matter. It looks like what you are looking for is the opinion of a complete stranger of a woman (in this case: me) who would think what you think your wife should think and therefore allows you to better drive your point across.
I command you for trying to get a team effort there, when referring to the persons you BOTH approve of. So, how does this would work? Your wife would think of the person she might want to have sex with and then you would look him/her over and give your seal of approval, providing, of course, that he/she does not look too good (no Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp lookalike please), because you do not want to create some insecurities issues there.
You say that you think most women would jump at this chance. This statement first tells me that you are really a guy and second that your wife does not jump at this chance. You’re a guy and as a guy, you know that if a wife would tell her husband that it is ok with her if he gets “a little on the side” boy! they would all jump at the chance, and pretty fast before she change her mind, as women often do. Of course, being a guy, you do not know that a woman would never tell that to her husband, unless she has no choice and even then it would be against all her principles.
You say that you allowed her to do this once before and no adverse effects came from it. This sentence is not precise enough. What happened? Did she wanted to have sex with someone, asked for your blessing, why? To avoid her guilt and pay the price with the lack of attractiveness of the forbidden fruit? Anyway, you said it was ok, you “allowed” her to proceed and so she went forward and everything was fine in the end (sounds like a fairy tale). Or did you wanted her to have sex with someone who wanted her and she said ok (because at the time, she would have done anything for you), so she went forward and everything was fine in the end.
No adverse effects? What do you mean? No diseases, no pregnancy, no “this memory will haunt us the rest of our life” or “I can’t get that stranger out of my mind”, no other “person” who becomes a stalker? Are you sure they were no adverse effects? Like psychological scars, hidden, gnawing guilt…sweating nightmares in the middle of the night?

I think I understand you. You are a husband who is gone all the time with a lonely, lovely wife all alone at home which is located wherever you are not. You are a man so you have needs and you think your wife has the same needs. You would hate for her to fulfill her needs without you having some control over the situation. Your words “husband’s permission” and “I have allowed her…” are just an attempt for you to stay in control of the situation, or rather her situation. The very last thing you want is for anybody (especially your wife’s eventual lover) to think you are a cuckold, with all the humiliation and the deceit, the lying and the deception it would entail. Wouldn’t it be great if your wife could fulfill her sexual needs in a control situation (really controlled by you): a person you BOTH approve of…no attachments, protected sex and only sex…because the other last thing you want is for somebody to sweep your wife off her feet…and take her away from you (you know…the Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp lookalike…)

Now that I have said, or written all this, let me give you my personal opinion on this most delicate matter.
You should really sit down and listen to your wife, not just sit down and talk with her but sit down and listen to her. Shut up and listen to what she has to say. Do not try to control her but encourage her to say what she really has to say. Tell her that it is ok to say anything because you are her husband and she can trust you and anything she says will just be something for you to treasure and use to make her feel better because really you should admit to her that you are clueless and ask her to enlighten you and show you the way. When a woman shows you her way and you follow it, you get to heaven, and I’m speaking from experience because I lead my husband there…
A woman is like an musical instrument, she needs to be played but you need to learn the music. Men are clueless in what woman want but fortunately, they are also very efficient in providing everything that is needed.
It is known that women are much more complicated than men but as a woman, I can tell you I just think men are just much more simpler than women: men have simple needs: duh, to get laid for example. Women do not have the “just get laid” need or scratch. Women need connection, they need romance, they need smells, imagination and worshipping…

So, you are “gone all the time”. Where are you exactly when you are “gone all the time”. As a man, do you have needs where you are “gone all the time”, needs that you fulfill and then feel guilty about. Your wife, having her needs also met would certainly relieve the guilt you may experience…

Just know that a man’s needs are very different from a woman’s need. For a man, it means nothing: sex and just sex could just mean that. “Only sex” is pretty much a guy’s idea. As a woman, the only time I experience the “only sex” idea was on a one night stand where the guy still treated me like I was the only Goddess of all the Greek Mythology, all night long, worshipping me, then I left to catch my train, feeling like a deity.

For a woman, it may means a lot so she will not cross the line. Do not blame her for it. Just be thankful she is just waiting for you and she can wait and wait because she’s a woman and she is blessed with good imagination…

My husband is also gone all the time too (he is gone for several months at a time) but I do not “get a little on the side” like you said even if I know my husband would “allow” it because he “allows” everything I ask. I am lucky to have been blessed with the vivid imagination so believe me that my dreams, at night and during the day, have become so out of this world that I am starting to wonder which is real. I do not need Johnny Depp to come to me, I already have him, whenever I want. And still I love my husband and wait for his return.

I think that you have a need to imagine your wife as a sexual being, even if you are not there to provide the necessary stimulation. Just know that she is a full fledge sexual being, in her mind and dream and your return is all she needs.

Answer 2

1. Regardless of husband's permission, a woman should have certain standards of behaviour, and promiscuity should definitely not be part of those standards.
2. Most women would NOT be jumping at this chance, only skanks would.
3. What was the point of getting married in the first place? "Forsaking all others" ring a bell?
4. A man who gives his wife permission to have sex with other people selected by him: wrong, sick and creepy.
5. Sex without emotional attachment: cheap and tacky.

Answer 3

if either party wants to play around, it's wrong even if you have permission from the other party. If you wanted to play around you shouldn't have gotten married. getting a little on the side because you don't get enough is not a good thing to cheat. Protected sex or not, marriage is a sacred institution, if you don't feel that way you are not taking marriage serious. You took vows and you broke them. You are supposed to be faithful, if you can't wait a few days for that, or for however long, then you are very immature

Answer 4

MY VERSION OF HUSBAND SIDE:
I love my wife so much, that I will forgive her for being a s lut and basically let her bang anyone she wants as long as I approve of him. It doesn't really matter if it will ruin friendships and if I catch some disease from her because they got caught up in the moment and forgot to use a condom, or there was a small tear in it. Who cares as long as my wife is happy.
OOPS, now my wife is pregnant, and I'm not sure which one of the 5 I gave her permission to bang is the father.

Answer 5

As long as you are both on the same page, I see no harm. Swinger couples often have good relationships. I would question a few things as a wife, though. Are you only giving her permission because you are already getting some "on the side" and feel guilty? If so, does she know? Also, are you sure your wife isn't hurt by this? I, personally, would feel some lack of affection from a man who was willing to share me. Again, this is a personal thing between you and your wife, but I think it's important that you know how she really feels about it.

Answer 6

I think you are playing with fire when you tell your wife to cheat. Do you cheat when you are gone? What happens when you come home the next time and she decided one of those men is someone she wants more then you? then you are the lonely one. I think there really isnt a reason to be married then. Is this something you let her do so you dont feel guilty?

Answer 7

Wow. I don't think you'll run across many men willing to let his wife share her body with someone outside of the marriage. Does he get the same privileges? Does he have sex with other women outside of the marriage?

I think this is one of those areas best kept sacred. So much COULD happen that you may not have even thought of. What? Well, what if he gets mad about one of the sex partners? What if you don't like one of his? What if you develop feelings for someone other than your husband?

This is a double-edged sword best kept on a high shelf in a sacred place. Be careful. No matter what you decide. Good luck.

Answer 8

This sounds to me like your husbands' giving you every reason in the book to think this is ok, except for the truth. The cad is cheating on you and he is trying to ease his guilt or trying to keep you off the trail. I predict that unless you turn down his ridiculous offer, and confront him that he will continue to cheat, and sooner or later the two of you will break up. A man that truly loves his wife is not going to give her such an option-ask my husband. Cheating is adultery and it is wrong. I'm not judging just stating facts.

Answer 9

You think it's ok because you're a man, and sex to you will always be just sex. For a woman, 95% of them won't have sex with someone just to get their rocks off. Sex for most women is a way to express their love to their mates, and as long as those needs of expressing love physically are met, she has no desire to go and spread her seed over as much land as possible, like you guys. Haven't you ever noticed if you and your spouse are arguing all day, and at night you want to get off so you can sleep, but she doesn't want anything to do with you? That's because she's still pissed and the last thing she wants to do is make YOU feel loved after yelling at her all day. Sex is more than just sex for women. Guys could do either their own hand, a raw roast beef, or a woman, and damned if he'll be able to tell you which one meant the most to him. Probably the roast, cause he could make his woman cook it for him when he's done with it. Whatever. Telling your wife to screw around is screaming "I don't care about you, and I don't care if you give the love meant for me to some clown off the streets because your love means nothing to me" That's what she's hearing from you. And that's all that matters. She'll leave you within the year. Mark my words.

Answer 10

I personally think it's wrong. Sex is supposed to be a 'sacred' act between a married couple. There should be no wanting for someone else. That's part of the love thing that goes with marriage.

Answer 11

Swinging is not acceptable in some community. If you and your wife can take it, to be looked down and degraded,your peer will disrespect you for being a cockloded husband,your wife will get addicted to sex w/ different men,she may leave you for another man for love.or better sexlife. You and your wife is messing up the sanctity of marriage,What about your children ,what kind of morals will you teach them? Hey! its your life.do what ever it make you happy,Men gave money to charities,but you gave your wife to charity of these poor sex starving men who can not afford to pay sex. Protected sex is okay,but how can you protect your mind to that lowly life.