husband left me but wants me back ...?

Question

My husband left suddenly after 6 years of marriage. He moved in with a female co-worker that he was seeing. We have 2 children together, My family and friends say I am better off without him and that they will turn their backs if I take him back. We have been in contact a couple times a week since he left and the communication has been on a very friendly level. I know that I love him, But it will take a lot of time and counseling to heal the wounds... advice ?

Answer 1

well the obvious question is, did the coworker and him not work out and that's why he wants to come crawling back? There's no doubt you love him and will continue to even tho he hurt you. If you really feel you can get over the pain of him choosing another over you, after 6 years and 2 children, then I would tell him to get his OWN place until you two decide if you can reconcile. Go slow. It's going to be hard...fights in the future might kindle arguments and comments about him leaving you. If you feel you want to take the chance, then by all means let your fragile heart take another chance with him slowly!!! Only you know deep down if you can handle trying counseling and allowing him back into your life and heart. good luck, dear.

Answer 2

Did this co-worker and him have a sexual affair? No one can tell you what you should do. Follow what you think is right. If you cannot trust him then you will need a lot of work or councelling to make things right. If you believe that he will not do this to you again and he can get councelling for the reasons he left (his own personal reasons) and you feel that you can learn to trust him again then it may work. It may not work either. Your friends/family will turn their back because they have invested a lot of caring into you when you left and dont want to see you going back to a bad situation again. They are saying it to protect you, but you need to do what you need to do. If he has left you and things were troubled then why put yourself back into that situation? He had an affair it didnt work out and now hes come crawling back to you. Is he really sorry? Or does he just need someone to fall back on until someone else comes along? Its your choice. If it were me I would never go back. But that is if it really occured. If it was because there was a marriage break down then mabye it can be resovled with a lot of councelling on both sides. Either way I wouldnt let him back so easily..try councelling before reuniting. I would not let him sweet talk his way back so easily either.

Answer 3

My husband left me he said he didn't want our marriage to get any worse.I didn't want him to leave but there was nothing I could do about it.My heart was braking but he did it anyway.2 1/2 years later he came back but the whole time he was gone we kept on doing family things like taking me out for my birthday celebrating our 18 anniversary,family Reunion ect.ect.ect.the very next day after he moved back home I found a card it was from a co-worker of his. I felt like my whole life ended that day.That was 9 years ago I still to this day have never forgiven him and I never will until the day I die.Now that doesn't mean that I don't love him because I do very much so.If you love your husband and I really mean love him with all your heart then let him come back to you,If he is anything like my husband he will be so ashamed at what he has done to you he will treat you like you just met.Give it a go you won't be sorry.

Answer 4

It's not fair for your family and friends to put pressure on you like that by saying they will virtually disown you if you take him back. But having said that, you know they're right in saying you're better off without him.
I'd say give him another chance if you want to - but only after he has undergone extensive counselling to turn him from a cheater into husband and father material. I wouldn't take him back until I had proof this had happened - it's not worth taking him back, potentially losing the support of your family and friends, only to have him turn around 6 months or a year down the track and dumping you again for his next little bit of fluff on the side.

Answer 5

This is a tough one since you both have two children together. Coming from someone who's been in your shoes before, I advise you not to take him back. He walked out on you and he decided to shack up with another woman. He not only abandoned you, but also his children. Listen to your family and don't let him come back. He did it once, and he'll do it again. My ex husband did the same thing. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too and not only did I suffer but my kids also went through hell because of his decisions. As hard as it might be, just cut that cord and let him loose. You deserve much better than that. Somewhere out there, there's a man who's going to love you, honor you and respect you and will never walk out on you. I know you can't see it right now, but trust me, life goes on and I'm sure you'll find someone much better.

I suggest you get a counselor to help you cord that cord and help you heal and restore. Remember, YOU deserve better!!! Good luck!

Answer 6

Forget about what your family and friends want, choose this for your self, because you have to live with the choice.

Your husband was an azzhole who left his family for another woman, now because his affair didn't work out he wants to come crawling back to you. Do you really love him and trust him not to hurt you again? What's to stop him from cheating again?

You don't really need him, Friends of The Court will make him take care of y'all children. He can also see his children on his days to visit them (that don't have to include you if you don't want it to).

You should also ask your self if he is trying to come back to you because he wants too or is it because the other woman put him out and he has no where else to go. Your his wife you shouldn't let him play you like a rebound chick.

If you do let him back into your life make sure he has changed for the better.

Answer 7

So things aren't working out for his new g/f & him I guess...he's now squirming his way back in...I don't have any advice for that I'm afraid...I think you need to get some respect for yourself & kick his *rse back out to the b*tch he left you & your kids for....of course he's being friendly now, he wants to come home, he knows where his bread is buttered, I'd listen to your family if I were you, they know the guy, we don't....they can give you an un-emotional piece of advice based on the man they know....don't you think that stands for more than we can tell you?

Love him you may, but that's not the issue here, you need to be asking if he loves you....
By the way sweetheart, the wounds don't heal....they just become more bearable to live with....after a very very long time.

Trust never completely returns...it's gone, he's destroyed that.

Answer 8

First of all its ur life, not ur families and u have to do what u believe is right for u and your family if u can handle taking a man back that "will" eventually do this to u again, then by all means do so.. but im thinking things arent going so hot between him and the co-worker, and that he's just using u as his security blanket, and when the next woman comes around he'll be gone again.. so if u can handle the fact that he will eventually do this again, and hurt u and ur kids .. Again.. then by all means do what u have to do , but only u know what u need to do.. no one else..

Answer 9

Well, your family and friends are wrong to say that they will turn their backs on you if you take him back. If you guys are still married, then my first response is to do whatever is necessary to salvage the marriage, as long as both parties are willing. You're the only person who can answer the question if you are willing to work on the marriage or not. I'll tell you one thing though, you're going to have to forgive him, and for me, that would be darned near impossible, given what he's done to you. But I'm not you. If you don't forgive him though, it will never work, you'll always resent him, and a part of you will resent yourself for being "snookered" again. You'll also have to be able to trust him again, and again, that's another area I don't think I would be able to follow through on. But that's me, and I'm not you. If you honestly think you can totally forgive him, and he can regain your trust, then I say you've got a pretty good shot at it. Best of luck to you. I hope you can be at peace with whatever you decide.

Answer 10

I say tell the family to mind their own business. You are the only one who knows if he is worth taking back. But ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER
Go with your heart.
Don't go back because of the kids better off separated if u hate him u don't want to resent your kids because u took him back because u thought it was the right thing to do. I have been divorce 6 years and it was very hard at first as with everything but gets easier with time..