We have been married for six years, three kids, one from my prev. marriage (9), one from his prev. marriage (8), and one together (5.) I am thin, fit, sexy, lost all the baby weight plus some more, worked in the fitness industry, got breast implants b/c I felt my breast looked icky after kids. I am cute and smart (grad degree) and funny. My husband never initiates sex, could go months without sex, and never gives me gifts (even on mjr holidays), never plans dates. I caught him looking at online porn about 1 yr ago and he is very smiley with hot women but no traces of phone calls/emails/etc. I am really smart and not easy to fool. What the ****? I am fed up with this guy. We used to have hot sex b4 marriage and in the 1st yr of marriage, we used to do all sorts of crazy dirtiness (w/toys, etc.), but now, he is like dead. I used to cry but now I'm just numb. Leaving him would be a struggle b/c I stopped working 1 yr ago b/c of so much going on w/the kids--at his request/demand.THOUGHTS?
2007-01-13 13:23:39 · 5 answers · asked by AM 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I used to initiate the sex, but I got tired of it. Also, I would say I'm kind of a pushover as I may him breakfast, dinner, plan every date, organize weekends away, etc. I'm just tired of doing all the work.
2007-01-13 13:47:32 · update #1
My husband is 41 and I am 33.
2007-01-13 13:48:19 · update #2
And my husband doesn't take care of his body but thinks he looks great and pays no attention to me. I never criticize him but he is quick to give me negative feedback.
2007-01-13 13:53:19 · update #3
Do you do anything for you?
Start thinking of yourself.
Talk to him and tell him how you feel.
If that doesn't work....try making the first move.....
Try marriage counseling....
if that doesn't work....then I would decide which is worth
the struggle...making it on your own...or making your marriage work
Your kids are at the perfect age that you could work if you needed too. ......Start thinking about what you want.....
You count too.
best wishes
2007-01-13 13:37:27 · answer #1 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A good marriage is based on more than Sex. We know he likes sex because he looks at porn, so why don't you initiate the sex? He is your husband if your horny tell him. Also with three kids in the house it may be hard for him to get in the mood. He is also working to support the whole family (his stupid ideal), so his energy level might be low.
There is nothing I can say about the presents or holidays. If he use to do it, I can not see a reason to stop.
P.S: Some men get tired of always having to initiate sex, and would like to be the one getting attacked at the door.
2007-01-13 13:37:48 · answer #2 · answered by Daddy Big Dawg 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
u didnt say how old ur husband is.. depending on his age, he could of lost his sex drive or its at a minimum that tends to happen to alot of men starting in their 30's ...and since he has no real signs of the fact that he's cheating, id say he's not, even with a low sex drive doesnt mean hes still not mentally interested in women (the porn) and the ego gradification of flirting... as far as the gifts.. well hun.. time to stop being his doormat and use that brain of ur's to get ur way, i have a gf that has the same problem in that area so she started buying her own presents (expensive things) and wrapping them up and putting his name on them.. and then saying Thank u honey.. well after awhile he got annoyed and started buying her stuff just so she'd stop buying all this expensive stuff lol.. The only other thing is to give him a wake up call, make him realize he has something thats about to be gone if he doesnt stop being lazy and start treating u like he use to when u first got together..
2007-01-13 13:41:13 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hmmm. You sound a little demanding and critical so he figures why bother he won't be up to snuff anyway.
Men develop interest in other women because of how they feel about themselves when they are with them. It doesn't sound like your hubby is having a lot of fun being around you. I'm sure you are relentless in letting him know how fortunate he is to have you for a wife.
When a man feels appreciated and his ego gets stroked then he does the things that makes him feel good to do for you and to you.
It doesn't matter that you look great to him. You don't make him feel good to be with you.
The porn makes him feel good without the work. It's not fair and I don't condone it but that's the reality.
Try planning something for the both of you. See if you can get someone to watch the kids for a weekend if not over night and pamper him w/o expecting him to trade you tit for tat (no pun intended).
He may also be feeling the financial brunt of carrying the load for both of you even though he was the one to suggest you stop working. He made a mistake and like many men isn't willing to admit it and try to reverse things.
2007-01-13 13:36:32 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should talk to him seriously about how you feel maybe he has a problem and is ashamed about it, or go to counciling. maybe there is someone else that you may not know about no matter how smart you may be. my hubby was married before me and he said he didn't have sex with his ex for 7 months, later he found out she cheated on him with her girlfriend. good luck
2007-01-13 13:35:17 · answer #5 · answered by Baby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋