How can I tell my husband that i stopped loving him, i caught him with his boss in the backseat of my car?

Question

I told him i forgave him, and i thought i did, But for the life of me i can't get that picture out of my head. this situation just happened on Christmas day. I have cried my eye's dry. I can't stand looking at him.
P.S. this is the third time.

Answer 1

he has lost your trust and he disgusts you. Tell him that. He will not be able to handle the pain of the truth as well as you have handled the pain of his disloyalty and disrespect.

Answer 2

I would start with:

"I told you I forgave you when I caught you with your boss in the backseat of my car. I thought I did, but for the life of me I can't get that picture out of my head. It just happened on Christmas Day, and for the third time. I have cried my eyes dry, and I can't stand looking at you."

Then, just see where it leads. You may have been too quick to forgive him (that was, what, 2 1/2 weeks ago), and if you tell him what you told us, it should be obvious to him that you are still mad and upset over the situation. If it isn't obvious to him, it should be easier to tell him that you may have stopped loving him.

In any case, I am recommending that you look after yourself. If you need time to heal and need to talk to a professional, take whatever you need to get yourself happy with yourself again. After all, he didn't ask you before he satisfied himself on Christmas.
Hugs and hopes for happier times.

Answer 3

Well if you can't muster up the courage yourself, you could always have your divorce attorney do it for you when your husband is served up with a summons to divorce court.

You know, "three strikes you're out", & don't feel like you lied to him when you said you forgave him. A girl can change her mind, & you did.
Besides, if he's cheated on you before, & then cheated again after you forgave him the 1st time,then he doesn't deserve your forgiveness.
He needs to learn to live with the consequences of his actions, & he won't know about consequences if you keep on forgiving him.

Plus if you think you can't manage on your own without a man in your life, forget about it. Lot's of women do it all of the time. The rest of them just don't realize that they can.

Oh, & he used YOUR car for the tryst? Tell him it's his car now, & take the one that he used to drive. (That is if it's the better of the two, & it wouldn't suprise me if it is)

So good luck with that, I know I am assuming that you are finished with the marriage. But you said that you can't stand looking at him. I am just suggesting the shortest path to a happier life.
Cheers!

Answer 4

If this is the third time then it does not look like he is going to change. He could have a sex addiction or just not care to be in a marriage anymore. I am going through the same thing to a much smaller degree...my babies dad likes to spend one on one alone time with women he finds attractive and hides it from me and doesnt think hes doing anything rong. Ive moved out..and now I am seeing a psychologist for my own issues and we will do family councelling later. You need to seek some therapy if you feel guilty for leaving him. This just happened recently so find somewhere to stay for a few weeks or months to sort it out in your head without him getting in there convincing you to forgive him. I know it probably seems hard to leave...and you should not forgive him so easily. You either make a decision to live and die loving someone who will cheat on you for the rest of your days or else you leave and find someone who will not hurt you so badly and destroy your spirit and betray you. Its a hard decision to make and mabye you can do it better once talking to someone or else you just have to make a break for it. And if you make a break for it it might be a good idea to cut all contact with this man completely. Good luck.

Answer 5

Get a plan together first. Once you tell him you're done, he may turn ugly or mean and try to take what you have to spite you. Get some $$ put together and have a plan ready about what to do once you leave. Ideally, get him to leave the house instead. Then just be ready to stick with it and tell him you thought you could forgive him but you can't and you want him gone. If he cares at all, he'll agree to a separation while you work it out in your head. If he gets aggressive, it just means he never would have stopped cheating on you anyway.

Answer 6

Just tell him straight that you thought you could work things out...but you now know after giving it a lot of thought that it's not possible..Tell him you no longer respect either him or his word & you cannot build a marriage on lies & deciet

This is the third time you say...come on Babe, this swine has all but destroyed your self esteem, you don't even feel as though you can stand up for yourself....he abused the compassion you showed him by mistaking it for weakness.......you know he'll do it again.

Unfortunately after you forgave him the second time, you in fact gave him licence (in his eyes) to carry on...if you don't treat yourself with the respect you deserve, don't think he will, he's already shown he won't.

You're his wife for God's sake, he's supposed to protect you, it should be you & him against the world (if need be) ....he's taking the p*ss big time out of you.

Forgiveness can be given as it's more for you than him....but that doesn't mean you have to continue in this marriage, you only have one life sweetheart, why the hell waste it on having to deal with his deliberate attempts to destroy everything you ever had...your relationship is dead now. I don't know if you were ever happy with him, but it will never be the same again, what you may have had has gone forever, he clearly isn't interested in building anything better with you....I'm so sorry if this hurts to hear it but you know deep down don't you?

Get him out of your life Darling....grieve for what is lost... that's normal...you will cry, you will even feel at times that you miss him, but stick to your guns...get out (of this relationship) stay out, & get your life back...staying with him will cause you to miss out on so much in your future. you've been to hell & back already...what you face in the near future is nothing compared to that, so don't feel afraid, you can do this Babe....good luck & I really wish you well. ♥ x

Answer 7

First you have to believe you deserve better than this. Cheating on you?!!? In the back of YOUR car?!?!? Third time?!? Don't you think the writing's on the wall? It's not going to stop. You may love him, but can you LIVE with him? It's been 10 years since I caught my ex-husband (emphasis on EX) in our hot tub with a floozy and that picture is permanently stamped on my memory.

And what about his boss's part in this? She should be reported to her superiors for improper behavior.

Wake up & smell the coffee, sweetheart. You will never be in first place in this man's heart because he's a selfish womanizer!

Answer 8

Girl why are you so worried about how to tell him anything. You deserved to have had a faithful man by your side. He didn't think about your feelings or your marriage when he cheated 3 times. Girl just tell him, he is lucky you are telling him at all. I would make sure it is a good time for you and only you. Now do what is best for you. Girl I would wait until I have everything together for myself, then I would tell him. Girl don't feel bad, you will be OK. I'm a Christian and I'll be praying for you. Watch this and feel better. www.mayyoueblessedmovie.com

Answer 9

get rid of that loser, he wants other girls and will never stop. Stay with him and you'll end up with kids or more kids and nasty custody battles. Every day that pass, you're getting older and may miss a great guy. Christmas parties are the number one time for infedelity according to stats. When you tell him that you dont love him any more, have back up or some one close because he might go balistic, you don't watch those crime shows?

Answer 10

Be honest with him about your feelings and how bad you are hurt. You've given him enough chances, this being the third time. It sounds as if it is time for you to take care of yourself and your needs now. Give yourself some time. I hope you get some help or even counseling to get you through this. Look for family and friends for support. I hope everyday and every Christmas is better for you. Best of luck.

Answer 11

RUN, don't walk, to your Employee Assistance Plan or your doctor to help guide you. otherwise women's shelters, YMCA. What has this creep done to you that you will continue to be humiliated by his actions and will not leave.

There are avails for you to start fresh. YOU MUST. You are throwing your life away. There is no repair to this disgusting behavior.

Start new. Find you. Find hope. Good luck. (I did, and 2 years later, I own a house, have a job, 2 happy guys, and a great boyfriend..plus all my girlfriends back.)