What would you do?

Question

I was told to move out by my boyfriend/babies dad...we are trying to patch things up and going to councelling soon.The reason for the break up are my suspcions and jealousies. He will see an attractive woman take her out for coffee or spend time with her alone and hide it from me and not awnser his phone. Then when I blow up he thinks he has done nothing rong. HE admits that he is attracted to them but nothing would happen. If I dont let him make friends with these women im caging him in,, but i dont know why he needs to have friends of the opposite sex. I am seriously wondering what you would do if this was you..let him have plutonic no sex relationship with women he finds attractive or be upset and suspicious and want to leave like I am.? Am I over reacting? Is it okay for your husbands/boyfriends to have friends of the opposite sex and be attracted to them and spend lots of alone time with them? Any input would be appreciated as I am lost right now.

NOTE: He is not having sex with these women, a prior lie detector test proved that.

Would like to add that I have moved out. Five days ago.

Note: I have also gotten councelling for myself with a registered psychologist..im sure this will help mounds.

Answer 1

When you have your significant other taking lie detector tests, it is a fairly good indication that your relationship is of little or no value. Read what you wrote here. The answer is all there in what you wrote.

I don't care what you say, he's having affairs. He has no respect for you but my concern is more that you don't have any respect for yourself. Come on now, a young woman can do better than this. Your b/f is a loser. Is that what you want your child to grow up seeing?

It's okay to have friends of the opposite sex but this falls outside the bounds of "friends" and I think you know it. You're kidding yourself but you're not kidding many of us.

Your b/f is confused and unable to commit to you. Go find a real man and stop wasting your time with this guy.

You really need counseling. You need to work on your self-esteem. No self respecting young woman would tolerate this crap. The fact that you're even asking the question tells me that you are a doormat. You can do better and you need to do better. You have your baby to think about.

Please do something good for yourself and get rid of this guy. Move on and go get help so you don't choose another man like this and end up having yet another child with him. Life can be so much better.

Please get help and take good care of yourself and that baby.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

If he were a true man he would be taking care of business at home and work and would not have all that time to go out with other women. He is out looking 'cause the grass looks greener on the other side, but, what he is forgetting is that the other side needs watering and fertilizing too. He sounds young and immature, If you are a co-dependent there is help for you in the book, "I Hate You Don't Leave Me". Sometimes people make the mistake of thinking if others find them attractive then their mate will want them more. Doesn't work that way at all, it only makes people insecure. If he had proper understanding of human nature he would realize that the more loved and secure you make your mate the more freedom you have. Mmm

Answer 3

How can you trust him if he hides these assignations from you and refuses to answer his phone? It's not wanting to have female friends that's the problem. He is doing the opposite to what he should if he wants to earn your trust. You are not overreacting. If he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour it might be best left to address in counselling. Your moving out will only make the trust issues worse. Personally I would find another boyfriend as your current one doesn't seem either committed or respectful.

Answer 4

Sex or no sex it is definitely not OK!!

My husband and i have a rule.... neither of us are allowed to be alone with someone of the opposite sex even just to hang out and especially if they are attracted to them. Your suspicions and jealousies are ALL his fault and if he can't change his ways then you need to leave him because he doesn't really love you.

Answer 5

Oh god. The relationship you have described is so dysfunctional that you need to GET THE HELL OUT and hopefully find someone who can be a good partner to you and a good father to your baby.

Here's a clue - if you have to give him a lie detector test, then he's not that someone.

Here's another clue - if he's hiding stuff from you, then he's not that someone.

Answer 6

If my husband did that to me I'd show up with the baby and have dinner/coffee/whatever with them. I'd also act as though nothing was wrong too. Just order whatever you are having and strike up some conversation with them. If he asked me to leave I'd make him look like an a**, but be careful not to make myself look like one.

Answer 7

First, go file for child support. You have a child now and that should be your priority. You need to get out of a romantic association with this guy. Be civil for the sake of your child. This guy is a jerk and you need to move on. There are plenty of good guys out there.

Answer 8

You need to move on. He's cheating no matter what the lie detector test said.

Answer 9

Run! This guy doesn't love you. If he loved you, his mind and heart would belong to you, and he would have zero interest in being alone with any other female. Where the mind goes the heart goes. Where the heart goes, the body follows.

Answer 10

yes it is okay to have friends of the oposite sex. However you should leave. If he's not answering the phone etc, when he he's out with them more is going on then he says.