She betrayed my trust, but am I overreacting? Am I worrying about nothing?

Question

Recently, I let my partner, of three months, in on secret that very few people know; indeed, only my family are conscious. I told her that the informtation is strictly between her and I; I felt she needed to know to make a decision regarding if she still wanted to be with me. She wasn't phased by what I told her; she simply said 'that it is a personal choice, but just take care when you're doing it'. Indeed, I educated her about the pros and cons of it. I thought that was the end of it.
I met her mother for the first time last week and I felt extremely bad vibes emanating. I questioned my partner about it and she acknowledged that she had told her mother and brother. I reacted with a sense of calm, but I was infuriated. She completely broke my trust, and because of society's perception of what I do, I didn;t want anyone knowing. It hurts that you place a certain degree of trust in someone that you care for deeply, and then they betray that trust. What do you believe I should do?

Answer 1

you are right to feel hurt and wronged by her. It sounds like a extreamly private thing and was a big thing for you to actully tell her in the first place. The reason she night have told her mum was that even though you said she didnt seemed phased by it she night have needed some advice and reasurrance regarding your secret and what better person to tell then your mum.. the brother might of known because the mum might have told him or over heard or anything. I know that if i was her and my new boyfriend had told me sometihng pretty big screat even though i said i wouldnt tell noone i never count my mum in that cause i know that even if she didnt like what she heard she would stand by it. dont be mad at her, if she didnt like what you told her she would of ended the relationship.... good luck and dont let this break you xx

Answer 2

I think her behaviour is shi tty. Especially as her telling people can create a 'bad vibe' for whatever reason. You shouldn't have been put into a situation where you were made to feel uncomfortable and for her not to tell you or warn you that she had told her family members is astounding!

If you don't have trust, you don't have anything. How on earth can you progess the relationship after she broke this cardinal rule. I know you care for her deeply but you have to think about what she could potentially do to you in the future..she knew this was important to you - potentially THE most important thing to you and yet she STILL went ahead and told someone else when you specifically asked her not to.. I would walk away to be honest. You don't have an enormous amount of time invested in this and there will still be time to meet someone who you can tell your secrets to who isn't going to blab them to all and sundry.

Answer 3

That's a very bad thing to do to your partner - you're right to be angry and you should tell her that she had no right doing that! and if she tells you "but it's only my family they won't tell anyone" -- dont listen! Don't let her get away with it, you need to tell her how badly this has affected you otherwise she's likely to be teling all kinds of secrets to her family.
If she is a decent person and respects you she will appologise and try to get your trust back into believing that she won't do anything like this again.
On the other hand if this "problem" is very serious that you told her has caused her personal pain then she is likely to tell her mum but not sure why she told her brother lol
So really in depends on what it is you told her which makes it difficult to give you 1 answer.
Good look on what you decide to do hunny xxx

Answer 4

Well judging by how very few people know the secret than it is a big secret you don't want everyone to know. I mean I would be mad to if I told someone a secret and they went and told a couple of other people.But maybe she wanted to let her family know so they'll know who you are.Because remember her family doesn't know who you are and so maybe she wanted opinions on how to deal with your "secret" if she wasn't comfortable with it even if she didn't seem phased by the secret at the time. Remember your meeting her parents for the first time so maybe her mother was being cautious about who her daughter is dating no matter how old her "baby" gets. But remember feelings change all the time and they are not always accurate. But I wouldn't be mad with her just talk it out with her and ask why she told her family when you didn't want anyone else to know.

Answer 5

You need to tell her how you feel that she betrayed your confidence, and find out why she told her Mother and Brother. Without knowing to what you are referring it's impossible to say whether you will be able to gain her Mothers' approval. If you can't the future of your relationship might be jeopardised. Only you can decide whether to continue the relationship.

Answer 6

I think that you should let her know that you are very disappointed with her... Let her talk to see what she says, maybe she has a good excuse for telling them.. Listen to her, if her arguments are not good enough for you or if she doesnt have any argument to explain her behaviour, in my opinion you should think over your relationship.. And the next time try to think twice before confiding a secret of yours..

Answer 7

if you have secrets...keep them to yourself.....don't tell anyone else...she has betrayed your trust and told people after you asked her not to....will you be able to trust her again? that's up to you to decide....now that she's told her mother and brother...who are they going to tell...and then who are the other people gonna tell....secrets are made for keeping so it's your fault for telling her in the first place....you should have kept your mouth shut.....let this be a lesson to you....

Answer 8

Let her know how you feel. Tell her that you know she told. If it was really that important to you and she knew this then perhaps you should let her go. Its hard to have a healthy relationship when you cant trust your partner with important information.

Answer 9

if someone said to me it is between just me and you i would ask what subject it was to do with and tell them don't tell me anything i cant discuss with my mum and my best friend because if i need someone to talk to with regard to my decision then i would rather not know i tell them both everything that is worrying or bothering me

maybe you should have explained how serious or personal the matter was try speaking to her about it and explain how you feel about her speaking to others about it im sure she will have a good reason for doing so

Answer 10

Kick her to the curve....confidences between two people who are in a relationshiop should be kept by those two people. Obviously she doesn't see anything wrong with sharing your secrets with her family. Just image what else she has told them about you.